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Aussie Gold Member Online OzPolitic Posts: 37690 Gender:	Re: jokes Reply #165 - Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 4:51pm Black Orchid wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 4:48pm: Stop trying to nit pick. It's funny. Laugh for once in your life If it's real.....it is hardly 'funny.'
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John Smith Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 72341 Gender:	Re: jokes Reply #166 - Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 5:14pm Black Orchid wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 4:48pm: Stop trying to nit pick. It's funny. Laugh for once in your life it's not even slightly funny
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Black Orchid Gold Member Offline Posts: 5803 Gender:	Re: jokes Reply #167 - Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 5:16pm Why not? Do you think he strapped on explosive just to run to the corner store to get some milk? Just desserts is what I say.
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Setanta Gold Member Offline \/ Peace man! Posts: 15946 Northern NSW Gender:	Re: jokes Reply #168 - Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 7:16pm Black Orchid wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 5:16pm: Why not? Do you think he strapped on explosive just to run to the corner store to get some milk? Just desserts is what I say. No entree, main course? How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
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Aussie Gold Member Online OzPolitic Posts: 37690 Gender:	Re: jokes Reply #169 - Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 8:11pm Black Orchid wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 5:16pm: Why not? Do you think he strapped on explosive just to run to the corner store to get some milk? Just desserts is what I say. Is that an explosive, or a fizzer? I reckon it is total fake, and there is no humour in it at all.
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Its time Gold Member Offline Boot libs out Posts: 25639 Gender:	Re: jokes Reply #170 - Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 8:42pm Black Orchid wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 4:48pm: Stop trying to nit pick. It's funny. Laugh for once in your life I like a laugh but that was crap
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ian Gold Member Offline OzPolitic Posts: 9451	Re: jokes Reply #171 - Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 11:48pm Black Orchid wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2016 at 4:41pm: thats funny.
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Lord Herbert

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Re: jokes
Reply #172 - Jan 23^rd, 2016 at 8:38am

"The Bishop of London has applauded two London priests for 'reaching out' to their Muslim parishioners by growing 'opulent' beards.

Rt Reverend Richard Chartres singled out two priests in Tower Hamlets - the Rev. Adam Atkinson, Vicar of St Peter's church in Bethnal Green, and Rev. Cris Rogers of All Hallows Bow - who have grown bushy beards".

Best joke of the weeks.

link

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Its time Gold Member Offline Boot libs out Posts: 25639 Gender:	Re: jokes Reply #173 - Jan 23^rd, 2016 at 10:38am What do you call the priest who wasnt a peado ? Dont be silly , they're all peados .
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greggerypeccary Gold Member Online Australian Politics Posts: 131661 Gender:	Re: jokes Reply #174 - Jan 23^rd, 2016 at 10:47am
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Its time

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Re: jokes
Reply #175 - Jan 23^rd, 2016 at 10:53am

Jew walks onto a bus, holding a large dufflebag. He asks for a senior discount, even though he couldn't be much older than 40. Driver asks for his ID, the Jew complains and refuses to pay full fare. It goes back and forth between the driver and Jew, both too stubborn to give in. In a rage, the driver throws the Jews dufflebag off the bus, and it tumbles down a hill. The Jew exclaims "What the puck?! Just because I didn't pay full fare you try to kill my son

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Aussie

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Re: jokes
Reply #176 - Jan 31^st, 2016 at 3:49pm

A smart arse question (and yeas, I do get that the meaning of the word legal is stretched a tad:)

A young law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student: "OK then. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".

Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?"

Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer "It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Now your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."

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Panther

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Re: jokes
Reply #177 - Feb 1^st, 2016 at 8:16am

AGING @ ROMANCE:

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek, and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

---//---

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.

She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks a minute and says "Close enough."

---//---

OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said:
"How soon do you need to know?"

---//---

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Vernon, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-5. Please be careful!"

"Hell!" said Vernon, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

---//---

SUPERSEX

A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex!"

She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

---//---

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh crap! Am I driving?"

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When government fears the People there is Freedom & Liberty!"

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cods Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 88048	Re: jokes Reply #178 - Feb 1^st, 2016 at 8:37am not funny panther!
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Panther

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Re: jokes
Reply #179 - Feb 1^st, 2016 at 8:59am

cods wrote on Feb 1^st, 2016 at 8:37am:

not funny panther! Sad

An old Southern guy's got a pond on his farm.

One day he hears giggling and splashing, so he grabs a pail and heads for the pond.

When he gets there, there's three young girls skinny dipping.

When they see him, they swim to the far and of the pond.

One of the girls says, "We're not climbing out of here buck naked with you standing there."

The ole farmer says, "I'm not here to see you girls naked.

No sure E ...... Nope, I'm here to feed the alligator."

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« Last Edit: Feb 1^st, 2016 at 9:06am by Panther »

"When the People fear government there is Tyranny;
When government fears the People there is Freedom & Liberty!"

'
Live FREE or DIE!
'

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