I say, old boy, did you know? The US attorney given the Comey case said no go. We can't get a conviction on this, he said. We're stuck even finding a crime.

So the big fella told Pam to fire him. He then gave her a replacement - some old insurance lawyer who worked on his bank fraud case, Lindsey Halligan.

This is a senior government position, you understand. They require things called skills. Lindsey has none. She's never prosecuted a case, never even argued a case in a court.

Pam obeyed her DL's orders, swore Lindsey in as a US attorney, and told her to get Comey.

Lindsey typed up a quick affidavit and asked her colleagues: anybody in?

One by one, they read her affidavit and shook their heads. You're out of your mind, they said. No way.

So, Lindsey grit her teeth and filed the indictment. DL texted her a thumbs-up. Lindsey blushed.

Literally everybody says the case is doomed. No crime, no evidence, no case. And do you know?

All Comey has to do in his defence is hand over DL's own posts. Believe it or not, lawfare's illegal in the US. Prosecutors have very limited guidelines in which to press charges, as you'd expect. First, they need evidence of a crime. Second, they need to be able to present the facts before a court.

Rule of law, all that.

Only in America, eh?