Ribbons tied by abuse survivors removed from Sydney's St Mary's Cathedral

What is Opus Dei, and why is it so controversial — both in and out of the Catholic Church?

NSW Police apply to Supreme Court to stop LGBTQI protest outside George Pell's Sydney funeral

Brian Ross wrote on Feb 2^nd, 2023 at 2:02pm:



Police break up a mob of smug, screaming Bbwians, Arthurs and Marthas.

Frank wrote on Feb 2^nd, 2023 at 2:08pm:


Never mind Frank, if it got out of hand they could've just moved George to another parish...

HUNTSVILLE, AL — Despite having faithfully shepherded his congregation for twelve years, local Pastor Reagan Johnson has been removed from his post after a concerned congregant notified the elder board of his failing to have "Husband. Father. Pastor." in his bio on Twitter.

"I am ashamed to bear the title of minister of the gospel while such flagrant sins are so evident in my life," said Mr. Johnson. "A Twitter bio with ‘Husband. Father. Pastor.' is first in the list of biblical qualifications for elders, and I have failed in this fundamental area."

In a rare show of church unity, leaders from every denomination have agreed to adopt the triune Twitter label for pastors. "It's one of the few things we believe in common," said local Pastor Sam Wakefield. "I love Reagan, he's a great guy - but you can't overlook this kind of negligence. We will pray for his restoration."

Johnson's public admission from the pulpit brought swift reaction from members as well, some of whom were quick to note that they had suspicions. "He doesn't even have a podcast – that alone should have been a red flag, if not an already disqualifying omission," said congregant Jack Trenton, as members of the congregation waited to boo and hurl objects at the disgraced pastor. "How could you? We trusted you!" shouted the angry crowd.

GLENSIDE, PA — Local Christian man Nicholas Cartwright defied all odds when he successfully graduated from Westminster Theological Seminary while somehow not losing his faith. Despite multiple semesters at seminary, Cartwright is now miraculously still a Christian.

"It was definitely hard sometimes," admitted Cartwright. "Some of the courses and professors seem almost as though they specifically intend to destroy someone's faith. It's almost as if seminaries have morphed into institutions that are designed to keep people from becoming strong, biblically-trained ministers. It's weird."

Westminster, like most seminaries, has gained a reputation for taking professing Christian applicants who want to become ministers and converting them to atheism within just one or two semesters, thanks in part to rigorous courses that test their faith, intellectualism that fills students with pride-inducing knowledge, and sick keggers. "It's not so much a seminary as it is a great party school," said fellow seminary student David Martin. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to defend my beer pong title. God bless you!"

Nicholas Cartwright now hopes that his seminary degree and rare talent for maintaining his belief in the gospel of Jesus Christ will help him lock down a position as Lead Pastor at one of the local churches in his neighborhood back home.

At publishing time, an update revealed Nicholas was reportedly having a difficult time finding work as a pastor because all the churches in his area were more interested in hiring candidates who have a knack for entertainment than a gospel-centered call for repentance.

Malka Leifer protested her innocence in tears as she was stood down, County Court trial hears