Australian Politics Forum - 'Domestic Violence Awareness'

Lord Herbert Gold Member Offline Posts: 34441 Gender:	Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know Reply #180 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 11:56am Lisa Jones wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 7:34am: Not all men are bastards. Some are angels who have come out of nowhere into your life to rescue you. I'm an angel too - it's just that I haven't been discovered yet.
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Lord Herbert Gold Member Offline Posts: 34441 Gender:	Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know Reply #181 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 11:57am ..
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Sir Grappler Truth Teller OAM

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #182 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 12:08pm

Lord Herbert wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 7:11am:

mothra wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 12:10am:

The back of the bus? You have to be kidding!

I was beaten by my alcoholic father and both of my brothers for years while my impotent mother did nothing.

Then i went on to be in a DV relationship for 14 years where i was physically, economically, emotionally and psychologically abused for the duration.

I kicked him pout at last after he started in on our daughter for growing up.

I have been raped 4 times, and that isn't counting the amount of times i was made a sperm receptacle after i was drugged.

And YOU are talking to ME about the back of the bus?

You have my sincere condolences, Mothra. You are to be congratulated for how well you are managing the anger that must run very deep in you. I hope you've found a peaceful haven in your life that includes love and good friendships.

That's not to say I'm going to stop flapping my gums here ...

Thing is - mothra - you are immersed in those incidents, for which you have my deepest sympathy. I would like you now to consider fairly the position of any decent man caught up in the insanity of the current handling of 'dv' - and how traumatic that is for them.

The difference is that you may be passive aggressive and carry on a war silently by continuous attack on things men - those men often retaliate in a man's way - by direct action.

In either case the response to unwarranted violence is the same.. for men and women... and you simply cannot justify women's response without equally justifying that of men abused BY the current handling.

It's called civil war.. and the main proponents of that war since 1992 have been the governments with their illegal 'laws' that set men up as villains, thus guaranteeing a response. You CANNOT go around using the instruments of the State to attack a specified segment of its citizens without eliciting a response in one way or another.

Women can be their own worst enemies here by calling in the forces of law when there is no valid reason and thus creating an instant situation where a man can be even violently assaulted without reason, and then is immediately fitted up as a villain. If I did that to any number of people I'd have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life... as these women do... thus guaranteeing the need for protection.

It's all a very twisted path and not one in which the jack-boots of government should be intervening without proper reason and especially without proper proof.

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“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”
― John Adams

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Black Orchid

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #183 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 12:22pm

Lord Herbert wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 6:40am:

Black Orchid wrote on Dec 26^th, 2015 at 6:33pm:

That's absolute rubbish Herbert. Did you type that just to get a rise?

Good Lord NO! I never write anything 'just to get a rise'. Cool

But okay - I'll edit it down a little for you.

A great number of women confuse smartness and personality in a man as proof of good character - only to later discover that a beast has lain dormant within this 'love-interest' whom they have married and had a child by.

Neferti has just been explaining at length how she herself failed to see the signs before committing herself to him.

Throughout Australia there are thousands of the iconic 'Single Mothers' with small children who entered into these relationships riding high upon the delusion that as they were marrying a smart fellow with an entertaining personality they must also have a decent character as part of the package.

Every street in Sydney has its iconic 'Single Mother' with small child - victim of an abusive husband.

The point I made in another thread is still valid - I can understand a husband and father becoming something of a monster in the home in later years as a result of turning to drugs, gambling, or alcohol - or even job-loss ... but if none of these is a factor - then how is it that the swooning fiancée didn't know what she was getting herself in for until only a few months after marriage and having a 'small child' by him?

Answer: Lousy judges of character. No instinct for detecting the bullshit behind the guy's superficial performances. 'Wishful thinking' predominating over critical thinking. His confidence, his good earnings, his social ease, and assurances are enough to delude and bamboozle.

I've said it before: Men can suss-out another man as being a fraud, a manipulator, and a control freak WAY better than any woman can. Almost just by the body-language and look of a fellow we men can make a fairly accurate assessment of what type of person he is.

But not so with women.

And Neferti is just one of thousands who has demonstrated this blindness.

I disagree. I think that most women will suss out that there is something 'off' about a potential partner but it's a question of whether they will trust their suspicions or ignore them. Many ignore the warning signs in the hope that they can change a person, which they can't. Many more just aren't happy enough in their own skin to feel 'whole' and think they need a partner in order to feel complete, which will never end well. Maybe some are even escaping abusive homes and fall into the trap of falling for someone with familiar traits. This I will never understand.

Let's face it, unless you meet someone and run off to 'Vegas' to get married 2 days later there will always be warning signs. It's just a matter of whether you choose to ignore them for whatever reasons.

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Lord Herbert

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #184 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 12:44pm

Black Orchid wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 12:22pm:

Let's face it, unless you meet someone and run off to 'Vegas' to get married 2 days later there will always be warning signs. It's just a matter of whether you choose to ignore them for whatever reasons.

I disagree.

Sorry - but the 'choosing to ignore them' rationalisation is a blatant cop-out and doesn't at all wash with me. I far prefer that you femmes take ownership of this flaw in your faculties of perception.

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Sir Grappler Truth Teller OAM

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #185 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 1:30pm

Black Orchid wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 12:22pm:

Lord Herbert wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 6:40am:

Black Orchid wrote on Dec 26^th, 2015 at 6:33pm:

That's absolute rubbish Herbert. Did you type that just to get a rise?

Good Lord NO! I never write anything 'just to get a rise'. Cool

But okay - I'll edit it down a little for you.

A great number of women confuse smartness and personality in a man as proof of good character - only to later discover that a beast has lain dormant within this 'love-interest' whom they have married and had a child by.

Neferti has just been explaining at length how she herself failed to see the signs before committing herself to him.

Throughout Australia there are thousands of the iconic 'Single Mothers' with small children who entered into these relationships riding high upon the delusion that as they were marrying a smart fellow with an entertaining personality they must also have a decent character as part of the package.

Every street in Sydney has its iconic 'Single Mother' with small child - victim of an abusive husband.

The point I made in another thread is still valid - I can understand a husband and father becoming something of a monster in the home in later years as a result of turning to drugs, gambling, or alcohol - or even job-loss ... but if none of these is a factor - then how is it that the swooning fiancée didn't know what she was getting herself in for until only a few months after marriage and having a 'small child' by him?

Answer: Lousy judges of character. No instinct for detecting the bullshit behind the guy's superficial performances. 'Wishful thinking' predominating over critical thinking. His confidence, his good earnings, his social ease, and assurances are enough to delude and bamboozle.

I've said it before: Men can suss-out another man as being a fraud, a manipulator, and a control freak WAY better than any woman can. Almost just by the body-language and look of a fellow we men can make a fairly accurate assessment of what type of person he is.

But not so with women.

And Neferti is just one of thousands who has demonstrated this blindness.

I disagree. I think that most women will suss out that there is something 'off' about a potential partner but it's a question of whether they will trust their suspicions or ignore them. Many ignore the warning signs in the hope that they can change a person, which they can't. Many more just aren't happy enough in their own skin to feel 'whole' and think they need a partner in order to feel complete, which will never end well. Maybe some are even escaping abusive homes and fall into the trap of falling for someone with familiar traits. This I will never understand.

Let's face it, unless you meet someone and run off to 'Vegas' to get married 2 days later there will always be warning signs. It's just a matter of whether you choose to ignore them for whatever reasons.

Actually it's the same for women and men - this 'sussing' out of those who are.. shall we say... less than the full banana boat full of goods.... I rely on women friends to tell me that the little charmer with the hair down to her asset and the sweet face and fine way of filling out a tight dress is a bitch... women should learn to have a man friend who can tell them the same about slim customers they meet in night clubs etc.....

We men are very finely attuned to the bullshit artists and their approach, which women seem to think is flattering attention... while we do this ... Roll Eyes

... and shake our heads in disgust and disbelief.

I think it's fair to say that men pick out men bullshitters and women pick out women bullshitters......

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“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”
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ian

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #186 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 1:49pm

cods wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 5:26am:

ian wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 1:35am:

Misery loves company. If you still have toxic people in your life who did you so much harm then you only have yourself to blame.

no need for that shot my friend...

to read peoples childhood stories that can never ever be undone...is eye opening..I thought my childhood was miserable and sad.. but nothing compared to mothra and grap...well done to you guys for sharing your "sad" time with us...it is good to get this horror out there sometime .. at least thats what I think.. you cannot bury these scars they need to be shared and not everyone understands that...they just dont want to know...

I am the sort of person that does want to know....I like a better understanding of what makes us who we are..

its taken me a long time but I now realise the only way we really move forward from unimaginable bad.. is to" forgive".....

sounds odd to some but it really is the only way....

whatever you lived through cannot be changed it will never "go away"..but if you forgive these people then you can talk about it without the bitterness that twists around your heart and makes you relive those terrible times over and over...

like a father who says he wished he had killed you years ago....

grap I cannot imagine what its like living with those words..

all I can say is.. your dad was more than an alcoholic he was brain damaged as well...he hated life and took it out on you...be stronger and better than him...in every way.... and thats means you forgive him his trespasses ..... he was weak spineless person

and many are still with us today..

an 8 year old boy was found living in a tin shed whilst his mother grew drugs....with her boyfriend...and 19 yr old brother.. 3 adults didnt bat an eyelid about torturing this 8 year old..

what am I doing about it..........not a thing except voice my horror and disgust that this happens in my country....a shocker.

Lots of people have horrific childhood stories, prison is full of people like that. Malignant narcissism is prevalent in our society. But there are just as many who take what they are given and make lemonade and end up with happy successful lives. Why on earth would you be celebrating Xmas with someone who made your life a misery? As adults we are empowered to make our own decisions, the first decision any adult should be making is not to surround themselves with people who deliberately attempt to inject venom into their lives and wish to see them fail. And if we dont make that decision then only ourselves to blame.

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Black Orchid

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #187 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 1:52pm

Lord Herbert wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 12:44pm:

Black Orchid wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 12:22pm:

Let's face it, unless you meet someone and run off to 'Vegas' to get married 2 days later there will always be warning signs. It's just a matter of whether you choose to ignore them for whatever reasons.

I disagree.

Sorry - but the 'choosing to ignore them' rationalisation is a blatant cop-out and doesn't at all wash with me. I far prefer that you femmes take ownership of this flaw in your faculties of perception.

I take full responsibility for my own intuition and it has never failed me. I also don't need someone else to make me 'whole'.

I am sure most women would prefer you males take ownership of your bad choices in nagging wives too, instead of thumping them Roll Eyes

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Black Orchid

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #188 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 1:56pm

Sir Grappler Truth Teller OAM wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 1:30pm:

Actually it's the same for women and men - this 'sussing' out of those who are.. shall we say... less than the full banana boat full of goods.... I rely on women friends to tell me that the little charmer with the hair down to her asset and the sweet face and fine way of filling out a tight dress is a bitch... women should learn to have a man friend who can tell them the same about slim customers they meet in night clubs etc.....

We men are very finely attuned to the bullshit artists and their approach, which women seem to think is flattering attention... while we do this ... Roll Eyes

... and shake our heads in disgust and disbelief.

I think it's fair to say that men pick out men bullshitters and women pick out women bullshitters......

Each and every one of us sees people differently so I would in no way rely on other peoples' opinions re a potential partner/friend. I prefer to rely on my own instincts as they have never failed me.

Yes re the male/female 'bullshitters' but it's more than that if it escalates into DV. There is something 'off' and that doesn't just develop with time. The 'off' seeds are always there in some 'off' form or another.

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« Last Edit: Dec 27^th, 2015 at 2:09pm by Black Orchid »

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Lord Herbert Gold Member Offline Posts: 34441 Gender:	Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know Reply #189 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 2:05pm Sir Grappler Truth Teller OAM wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 1:30pm: We men are very finely attuned to the bullshit artists and their approach, which women seem to think is flattering attention... while we do this ... ... and shake our heads in disgust and disbelief. Amen to that.
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Neferti

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #190 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 3:27pm

Lord Herbert wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 6:40am:

But okay - I'll edit it down a little for you.

A great number of women confuse smartness and personality in a man as proof of good character - only to later discover that a beast has lain dormant within this 'love-interest' whom they have married and had a child by.

Neferti has just been explaining at length how she herself failed to see the signs before committing herself to him.

I must admit that I didn't even like him when I first met him (at work ... for arsie's information I am also an ENGINEER Wink

). He conned me. My Father suffered him but my Mother hated him. I should have listened to those who knew more than I did about personalities. Still, he came from a Good Background, had a good income, looked OK and bought me stuff. Grin

I NEVER called myself a "single mother" but I was a Sole Parent and I didn't get welfare, except for the first few months in Canberra while my daughter settled into school. Then I got a JOB! The poor little kid was in After School Care (until 5.30) and then the YMCA "Holiday Program" during school holidays (until she was old enough to stay with my Mother for 3-4 weeks over Christmas )and they really gave the little kids LOTS of stuff to keep them occupied. I recall my daughter asking "Mummy, when do I get a holiday?" I felt extremely guilty but what could I do? Get another man to "support me". BULLSHIT.

The Lawyer "partner" or whatever that Aussie is carrying on about, I met back in 1985 is still a FRIEND. He lives around the corner. We have never lived together. We go to dinner every so often and remember each other's birthdays and Christmas.

The man I should have married was my first "love". When we were both 18 and both still virgins. Grin

He ended up an Accountant, not an Engineer or a Lawyer. He probably would have driven me to distraction. Old fashioned, cardigan type ... like my Dad. Grin

Nope, I am very happy with my Life. No sympathy (or stalking) necessary. Tongue

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Neferti

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #191 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 3:33pm

Lord Herbert wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 12:44pm:

Black Orchid wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 12:22pm:

Let's face it, unless you meet someone and run off to 'Vegas' to get married 2 days later there will always be warning signs. It's just a matter of whether you choose to ignore them for whatever reasons.

I disagree.

Sorry - but the 'choosing to ignore them' rationalisation is a blatant cop-out and doesn't at all wash with me. I far prefer that you femmes take ownership of this flaw in your faculties of perception.

How many husbands/wives have you had Herbie?

I married ONCE. I was young and stupid. He was much older and bought me stuff. I was CONNED. I left. He is long gone (died 2006) but my daughter (and granddaughters) are still here.

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Aussie

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #192 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 3:54pm

Neferti wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 3:27pm:

Lord Herbert wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 6:40am:

But okay - I'll edit it down a little for you.

A great number of women confuse smartness and personality in a man as proof of good character - only to later discover that a beast has lain dormant within this 'love-interest' whom they have married and had a child by.

Neferti has just been explaining at length how she herself failed to see the signs before committing herself to him.

I must admit that I didn't even like him when I first met him (at work ... for arsie's information I am also an ENGINEER Wink

). He conned me. My Father suffered him but my Mother hated him. I should have listened to those who knew more than I did about personalities. Still, he came from a Good Background, had a good income, looked OK and bought me stuff. Grin

I NEVER called myself a "single mother" but I was a Sole Parent and I didn't get welfare, except for the first few months in Canberra while my daughter settled into school. Then I got a JOB! The poor little kid was in After School Care (until 5.30) and then the YMCA "Holiday Program" during school holidays (until she was old enough to stay with my Mother for 3-4 weeks over Christmas )and they really gave the little kids LOTS of stuff to keep them occupied. I recall my daughter asking "Mummy, when do I get a holiday?" I felt extremely guilty but what could I do? Get another man to "support me". BULLSHIT.

The Lawyer "partner" or whatever that Aussie is carrying on about, I met back in 1985 is still a FRIEND. He lives around the corner. We have never lived together. We go to dinner every so often and remember each other's birthdays and Christmas.

The man I should have married was my first "love". When we were both 18 and both still virgins. Grin

He ended up an Accountant, not an Engineer or a Lawyer. He probably would have driven me to distraction. Old fashioned, cardigan type ... like my Dad. Grin

Nope, I am very happy with my Life. No sympathy (or stalking) necessary. Tongue

Oh.....so the latest is that you are an engineer and single, with a 'lawyer' friend who lives around the corner. Yet you previously told us all that you are "a retired Ophthalmologist, " and your "husband is a Lawyer and also retired. "

Stop it, my head is spinning.

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cods

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #193 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 4:03pm

ian wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 1:49pm:

Lots of people have horrific childhood stories, prison is full of people like that. Malignant narcissism is prevalent in our society. But there are just as many who take what they are given and make lemonade and end up with happy successful lives. Why on earth would you be celebrating Xmas with someone who made your life a misery? As adults we are empowered to make our own decisions, the first decision any adult should be making is not to surround themselves with people who deliberately attempt to inject venom into their lives and wish to see them fail. And if we dont make that decision then only ourselves to blame

quite true.. I am not saying any different..

but Grap and mothra ARE NOT IN PRISON....

they both seem as if they have moved on bruised but just fine.......

and those are the two people I was thinking about...

what I am saying is!

if you DO NOT wish to go through life dragging the past with you like some awful crucifixion cross.

then you must forgive them in your heart you must...

that sadly doesnt mean you forget...but it does mean you will leave it behind you where it belongs..whenever you can...

and yes we can find ways and means to live with each other..even at Xmas..... of course those who have the need to be forgiven must have changed their ways which isnt always the case if they ever wish to spend time with their now grown up children....

life isnt, and never will be easy...

but why carry misery and in a somecases pure evil around in your heart....

Lord Herbert wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 2:05pm:

Sir Grappler Truth Teller OAM wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 1:30pm:

We men are very finely attuned to the bullshit artists and their approach, which women seem to think is flattering attention... while we do this ... Roll Eyes

... and shake our heads in disgust and disbelief.

Amen to that.

personally I think most change after the vows..

I mean lets face it.. half of us wouldnt catch a partner if we didnt put on a front before marriage...

women do tend to believe they have special POWERS.....who on earth would Marry Charlie Sheen... with his reputation.... Roll Eyes

.... because they all think i have the POWER to make him change...

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Neferti

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Re: 'Domestic Violence Awareness' - does anyone know
Reply #194 - Dec 27^th, 2015 at 4:04pm

Aussie wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 3:54pm:

Neferti wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 3:27pm:

Lord Herbert wrote on Dec 27^th, 2015 at 6:40am:

But okay - I'll edit it down a little for you.

A great number of women confuse smartness and personality in a man as proof of good character - only to later discover that a beast has lain dormant within this 'love-interest' whom they have married and had a child by.

Neferti has just been explaining at length how she herself failed to see the signs before committing herself to him.

I must admit that I didn't even like him when I first met him (at work ... for arsie's information I am also an ENGINEER Wink

). He conned me. My Father suffered him but my Mother hated him. I should have listened to those who knew more than I did about personalities. Still, he came from a Good Background, had a good income, looked OK and bought me stuff. Grin

I NEVER called myself a "single mother" but I was a Sole Parent and I didn't get welfare, except for the first few months in Canberra while my daughter settled into school. Then I got a JOB! The poor little kid was in After School Care (until 5.30) and then the YMCA "Holiday Program" during school holidays (until she was old enough to stay with my Mother for 3-4 weeks over Christmas )and they really gave the little kids LOTS of stuff to keep them occupied. I recall my daughter asking "Mummy, when do I get a holiday?" I felt extremely guilty but what could I do? Get another man to "support me". BULLSHIT.

The Lawyer "partner" or whatever that Aussie is carrying on about, I met back in 1985 is still a FRIEND. He lives around the corner. We have never lived together. We go to dinner every so often and remember each other's birthdays and Christmas.

The man I should have married was my first "love". When we were both 18 and both still virgins. Grin

He ended up an Accountant, not an Engineer or a Lawyer. He probably would have driven me to distraction. Old fashioned, cardigan type ... like my Dad. Grin

Nope, I am very happy with my Life. No sympathy (or stalking) necessary. Tongue

Oh.....so the latest is that you are an engineer and single, with a 'lawyer' friend who lives around the corner. Yet you previously told us all that you are "a retired Ophthalmologist, " and your "husband is a Lawyer and also retired. "

Stop it, my head is spinning.

Good. Now you know why your MANY REAL Names that you use make people roll around laughing at you too ... but you are a sneaky person who cannot be trusted and get people BANNED for using your FALSE "personal" INFORMATION.

This is a PUBLIC FORUM ... NOBODY believes what people say. Except you. I can be whatever I want to be. No skin off your Big Nose, OK?

Bugger off, arsie and stop trolling me. Jerk.

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