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How do you solve a problem like [Pollie A]? (Read 909 times)
Equitist
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How do you solve a problem like [Pollie A]?
Aug 30th, 2010 at 4:57pm
 


Just for fun...well mostly...

With all the uncertainty and tensions, surrounding the outcome of the 2010 Federal Election, I reckon that we could benefit from some comic relief...

I was gonna start a thread asking clever lefties to try their hands at a parody of:

How do you solve a problem like Tony Abbott!?

But then I wondered whether any of our resident right whingers will be keen to write the Julia Gillard version:

How do you solve a problem like Julia Gillard!?

After which, I figured that we could probably have more fun, if this thread was open satirical slather, on other 'çolourful' and prominent pollies - such as: Bob Katter, Rob Oakeshott, Tony Windsor, Malcolm Turnbull, Bill Heffernan, Wilson Tuckey, Alby Schultz, etc., etc., etc....

I suppose the Mods will decide the appropriateness of any especially dubious content that emerges...

So, to get things started (and bearing in mind that a partial-parody might suffice) here's the original lyrics: -

Quote:
She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear
She waltzes on her way to Mass
And whistles on the stair
And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair
I even heard her singing in the abbey

She's always late for chapel
But her penitence is real
She's always late for everything
Except for every meal
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Maria's not an asset to the abbey

I'd like to say a word in her behalf
Maria makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

When I'm with her I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
She's as flighty as a feather
She's a darling! She's a demon! She's a lamb!

She'd outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle! She is wild!
She's a riddle! She's a child!
She's a headache! She's an angel!
She's a girl!

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?



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« Last Edit: Aug 30th, 2010 at 5:03pm by Equitist »  

Lamenting the shift in the Australian psyche, away from the egalitarian ideal of the fair-go - and the rise of short-sighted pollies, who worship the 'Growth Fairy' and seek to divide and conquer!
 
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vegitamite
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Re: How do you solve a problem like [Pollie A]?
Reply #1 - Aug 30th, 2010 at 6:15pm
 
How do you solve a problem like Tony Abbott!?
Looking back it clear that Abbott will undo himself. Sit back and relax.

http://www.nationaltimes.com.au/opinion/politics/kind-and-gentle-no-more-than-words-20100829-13xjs.html

Kind and gentle no more than words
August 30, 2010



The last time Tony Abbott spoke of the need for a ''kinder, gentler'' approach to politics, all hell broke loose.
It was June 19, 2000, and the Parliament was in shock over the suicide of the Labor MP, Greg Wilton. It was a time for introspection as much as for offering condolences.

Abbott summed up the mood best: ''The best thing we could do would be to rededicate ourselves to being kinder and gentler to each other,'' he said.

Two days later, Parliament returned to normal and Abbott was back to his favourite question time sport of baiting the Labor frontbencher Cheryl Kernot. For a variety of reasons, including lingering sensitivities about Wilton, the day descended into one of the nastiest sittings to date. Six MPs - a record at the time - including Kernot, were thrown out.

So was Abbott, making him the first minister in 40 years to be ejected. He had to be escorted from the chamber after bounding towards the Labor benches to thump a heckling backbencher.

Dennis Shanahan of The Australian pronounced the Parliament in ''disgrace'' as he described the events that afternoon as ''a pathetic juxtaposition'' to the sombre sitting only two days before.
Abbott has changed in the decade since, even mellowed. But still, when he spoke last week of his enthusiasm for ''a kinder, gentler polity'', old memories were rekindled.
He made the comment on Tuesday in the context of one of many demands from the powerful independents for a commitment from him and Julia Gillard for a more collegiate approach to politics.

A day later, Abbott angered the independents by telling them to go jump when they requested the Coalition submit its policies to Treasury for costing so that everyone knew their impact on the budget, compared with that of Labor's policies.
This tough love approach lasted only another day. On Friday, Abbott backed down.
Australia's political system is adversarial at heart. It would be a miracle if it were ever to be kind and gentle in any enduring sense.
This week - and its consequences for each player - will be without parallel in federal politics.
Abbott and Gillard will be falling over themselves to win the favour of the four critical independents - Tony Windsor, Bob Katter, Rob Oakeshott and Andrew Wilkie. Wilkie says he will make up his mind by Wednesday, the others later.

Each party has 73 seats, if you count the Green Adam Bandt for Labor and the ''independent'' West Australian National, Tony Crook, for the Coalition. Wilkie's decision will give one side 74. The country independents will decide who receives the magic majority of 76 - at least two of them or all three.
While kind and gentle will be each leader's approach in negotiations, the opposite will apply to the proxy campaign to build public pressure on the independents by appealing to their constituents.
From day one, the three have been receiving no end of free advice from constituents, and polls show a majority in each seat wants them to favour the Coalition.
At the outset of negotiations, a senior Liberal confided that time was Abbott's friend. The longer the process dragged out, the more pressure would build from the trio's rural constituents.
The same happened after the West Australian election in 2008, when the Nationals dithered about whether to support Labor or Liberal in minority government.
Yesterday Abbott repeated his message about the Coalition being the natural friend of the bush. If he does win government, balancing the three rural factions - the Nationals, country Liberals and independents, all of whom cannot abide one another - will sorely test Abbott's formidable diplomatic skills.

Abbott is portraying a Labor-Greens alliance as some kind of evil threat to the bush. But as Gillard pointed out in a pre-election interview, whoever governs will have to do so in alliance with the Greens because they will control the Senate from July 1. If Abbott becomes prime minister, he will be under the same pressure to ''green'' his policy agenda, especially now as he has agreed to a three-year term, meaning he cannot go early if the Senate does not co-operate.
He also again spoke of the faceless machine men who dumped Kevin Rudd and called the Labor Party corrupted. Yet these men, including Mark Arbib, were MPs and senators. And when the push was on, the rush to join among the rest of the elected caucus became a stampede.

When Abbott knifed Malcolm Turnbull less than a year ago - the Liberals' third leadership change in two years - this too was driven by ''faceless'' MPs and senators such as Nick Minchin and Kevin Andrews. There was nothing kind and gentle about that either.
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qikvtec
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Re: How do you solve a problem like [Pollie A]?
Reply #2 - Aug 30th, 2010 at 6:17pm
 
Equitist wrote on Aug 30th, 2010 at 4:57pm:
I was gonna start a thread asking clever lefties to try their hands at a parody of:



That ought to keep the post count down.
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Politicians and Nappies need to be changed often and for the same reason.

One trouble with political jokes is that they often get elected.

Alan Joyce for PM
 
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Dnarever
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Re: How do you solve a problem like [Pollie A]?
Reply #3 - Aug 30th, 2010 at 7:40pm
 
qikvtec wrote on Aug 30th, 2010 at 6:17pm:
Equitist wrote on Aug 30th, 2010 at 4:57pm:
I was gonna start a thread asking clever lefties to try their hands at a parody of:





That ought to keep the post count down.


Equitist wrote on Aug 30th, 2010 at 4:57pm:
But then I wondered whether any of our resident right whingers will be keen to write the Julia Gillard version:



Looks to be no point even looking for clever righties it was just left open for your like minded in general.

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aussiefree2ride
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Re: How do you solve a problem like [Pollie A]?
Reply #4 - Aug 30th, 2010 at 7:48pm
 
How about the way Judas solved the Kevin 07 problem?
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Verge
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Re: How do you solve a problem like [Pollie A]?
Reply #5 - Aug 30th, 2010 at 7:53pm
 
How many threads do you need thy, we got it already, you dont like Abbott.

Wow.
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And why not, if you will permit me; why shouldn’t I, if you will permit me; spend my first week as prime minister, should that happen, on this, on your, country - Abbott with the Garma People Aug 13
 
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Equitist
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Re: How do you solve a problem like [Pollie A]?
Reply #6 - Aug 30th, 2010 at 11:17pm
 

Verge wrote on Aug 30th, 2010 at 7:53pm:
How many threads do you need thy, we got it already, you dont like Abbott.

Wow.


I think you will find, Verge, that I have started relatively few threads in the time that I have been on these boards...

I trust that you will let Mellie & Co know, when you think they have each started enough anti-Left threads...




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Lamenting the shift in the Australian psyche, away from the egalitarian ideal of the fair-go - and the rise of short-sighted pollies, who worship the 'Growth Fairy' and seek to divide and conquer!
 
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Verge
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Re: How do you solve a problem like [Pollie A]?
Reply #7 - Aug 31st, 2010 at 8:20am
 
Equitist wrote on Aug 30th, 2010 at 11:17pm:
Verge wrote on Aug 30th, 2010 at 7:53pm:
How many threads do you need thy, we got it already, you dont like Abbott.

Wow.


I think you will find, Verge, that I have started relatively few threads in the time that I have been on these boards...

I trust that you will let Mellie & Co know, when you think they have each started enough anti-Left threads...



My apoligies, I should have said that we know you dont like Abbott, how many posts do you need on the same line.

Why do you think I rarely participate in threads about the person, because it bores me.
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And why not, if you will permit me; why shouldn’t I, if you will permit me; spend my first week as prime minister, should that happen, on this, on your, country - Abbott with the Garma People Aug 13
 
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Equitist
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Re: How do you solve a problem like [Pollie A]?
Reply #8 - Aug 31st, 2010 at 5:33pm
 

Verge wrote on Aug 31st, 2010 at 8:20am:
Equitist wrote on Aug 30th, 2010 at 11:17pm:
Verge wrote on Aug 30th, 2010 at 7:53pm:
How many threads do you need thy, we got it already, you dont like Abbott.

Wow.


I think you will find, Verge, that I have started relatively few threads in the time that I have been on these boards...

I trust that you will let Mellie & Co know, when you think they have each started enough anti-Left threads...



My apoligies, I should have said that we know you dont like Abbott, how many posts do you need on the same line.

Why do you think I rarely participate in threads about the person, because it bores me.



Noted Wink

Meantime, I am a little disappointed that the theme didn't take off - cos some of the satirists from Yahoo were exceptionally talented poets...

Sad


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Lamenting the shift in the Australian psyche, away from the egalitarian ideal of the fair-go - and the rise of short-sighted pollies, who worship the 'Growth Fairy' and seek to divide and conquer!
 
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