Bobby. wrote on May 19^th, 2024 at 4:47pm:


If it were true and the other guy wasn't an insurrectionist.

Bobby. wrote on May 19^th, 2024 at 9:16pm:


Lucky? You said mechanic. They don't pray to Jesus or rub a rabbit's foot, they look under the bonnet, tell you what's going on and fix the goddamn thing.

If you want to change the parameters, Bobby, just say. Ask us about the rule of law.

I dare you.

Mattyfisk wrote on May 20^th, 2024 at 3:06am:

Frank wrote on May 26^th, 2024 at 4:58pm:


Thanks for that, old boy. So romantic. A French Tickler?

Scrap that. We're British, no?

Oh-er. Good show.

Despite continuing to build what at times has appeared to be a massive lead, Trump reportedly still struggles to make gains among the small number of people who are in charge of counting votes in November.

"For whatever reason, he just can't seem to gain traction with people counting the ballots," said political analyst Blake Rumsey of the Institute of Collecting Information. "Even though he has made significant gains among multiple demographics and voting blocks, our polling of people who count the votes shows Biden still holding an obvious lead. Honestly, I don't even know if it's possible for Trump to win that group. They seem pretty devout."

When reached for comment regarding the new poll results, one ballot counter confirmed the data's accuracy. "Yeah, we're all pretty much in the tank for Biden," said the vote counter who requested to have his identity kept anonymous. "I would think that would have been pretty obvious with the way things went in 2020, but yeah. As one of the many hardcore leftists placed specifically in this position to influence the outcomes of elections, I can say confidently that I am voting for Joe Biden. And my vote means a lot, if you get what I mean. We make up the winner. That's what I mean."

At publishing time, the Biden campaign had put in a request to have the Federal Election Commission hire several million undocumented migrants to serve as extra ballot counters in November.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A great upheaval was felt across the political landscape today as the most popular president in history was inundated with calls to step down.

President Joe Biden, recipient in 2020 of more votes than any other human being in the chronicles of humankind, was surprised to learn that despite his status as the unequivocally most beloved and favored presidential candidate in history, he was on the receiving end of a seemingly endless string of public calls for him to leave office.

"What a bunch of malarkey," Biden said to reporters when asked about the mounting pressure for him to drop out of the race. "The idea… the idea... the idea... er, uh... the idea that the president who got more votes than any candidate ever and defeated Donald Trump even though nobody came to my rallies or watched my YouTube videos… look, folks… I'm not out here to say that I'm… everyone likes to come out of the woodwork to… the entire time that I've been… that I've… been serving in the United States Senate… and I don't have to prove myself to… to show that… that I'm… well, anyway."   Biden was shuffled away by aides to conclude the brief statement.

Administration insiders were adamant that Biden would remain in the race due to his overwhelming popularity despite a growing number of prominent Democratic politicians, celebrities, media pundits, and business leaders calling for him to step away.

At publishing time, Democrat leaders confirmed that 100% of Biden's deceased voting block had also voiced their preference for him to drop out.