So he put a little - what do they call it? - cream on it.
I take the big aspirin, and when you take the big aspirin, they tell you, the bruise.They tried talking him out of it. You don't have to take that, sir, the doc said, you're very healthy.
But he likes his heart. I'm not taking any chances, the big fella told the fakers on Air Force One.
His advice to Americans? Take Aspirin if you like your heart, but don't take Aspirin if you don't want a little bruise.
The 47th president's health has been a source of speculation for some time. His advice on Aspirin contrasts an earlier health warning he gave in September on Paracetamol, a common painkiller known to Americans by the brand name,
Tylenol. Taking Tylenol, he said, pausing to consider the impact of a presidential health warning -
I'll say it, it's not good.
He went on to outline a well-researched side effect of the medication: autism, and the burden such cases place upon the health system and families, forced to care for retarded children.
Don't do it, the big fella said,
just don't. Better to put up with a little bit -
a little bit of pain. He advised American mothers to avoid all Tylenol and
tough it out.
The president's health has been the subject of speculation for some time. He put these rumours to rest in December, in an interview with the
Wall Street Journal, after rumours of an MRI had been leaked by the fake news.
The big fella said he'd had a small CT scan only. He didn't know why he'd been advised to have the scan and said he probably shouldn't share such private health details with the public. Still, he ran the most transparent administration in history and said he'd aced the test, making him the healthiest prez to have held office, maybe ever.
His doctor replied to the fakers to say the president had been given either a CT scan or MRI, it was hard to say. He'd prescribed a routine test to rule out any cardiovascular issues and the president had passed with flying colours. He described the 47th prez to be in
exceptional health and perfectly suited to execute his duties as Commander in Chief.
You see? The big fella told the
Journal. He has the heart of a prize-winning stallion. Have you heard of racehorse theory? He asked the journalist.
Look, it's all straightforward and nothing to worry about. The big fella banged his hand on the desk. He got a little bruise because of the big Aspirin, which he takes because he doesn't want thick blood pouring through his heart. He used a little cream to help heal the bruise, which comes in different tones.
The big fella briefed fakers on Air Force One, returning from the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, which was otherwise uneventful.
He'd clipped his hand while chairing his new Peace Board, where world leaders and other elites can sign up, pay a modest administration fee and make world peace. Vladimir Putin and Benjamin Netanyahu were among the first to join.
The big fella has been prescribed additional hand cream for their next meeting.