Never driven one.....until today, and I had to race it.  Golf mate is 60 today so the other of The Three Amigos and I shouted him 2 x 15 minutes at the local well known track.  Did my research......hire karts have a max speed of 70kph.  Piece of piss, said I.

So, first 15 mins was just a warm up, no racing.....get familiar with kart and track.  Not happy, but, we are all in the same boat, subject to the whims of the kart you randomly get allocated.  Mine in the first 15 mins was a dog of a thing.  Kept pulling right on turns, but...no worries, won't get that kart when we are fairdinkum unless I am dead unlucky.

Second 15, it's on:

Birthday Boy (youngest yet most unfit of the three of us by quite a few kilos) gets left in our wake.  Gav and I are away, leave BB in our (non existent) mirrors.  But, first straight (max speed 70 kph) he blasts past us both and I then blast past Gav. 

At the end of that straight is a chicane thing....sharpish right, sharpish left, into a mini straight.

Did not like that thing and BB is getting away, ~ Gav (71) is struggling a tad, but prick would never give up....ever.

So, it is down to BB and me.  First 5 laps, he is getting awayish.  Then last five laps....I am gaining on him, as I get used to going into that chicane breaking from 70Kph.  Note ~ 70 kph.

Last lap.....I'm almost on his arse but could not get him on the line.  BB wins, Aussie an honourable second and the competitive Gav whinges about having two flat tyres and an engine falling off the kart.

Things you need to know about go-karts:

1.  They do not have power streering.
2.  They do not have power assisted brakes.
3.  Your arse is about three inches above the ground.
4.  They back fire a lot.
5.  They do not 'idle.'
6.  Their suspension sucks.
7.  Never put your head back on the head rest....it will be vibrated off.
8.  Never listen to a smart arse cousin who tells you that you keep your right foot 'pedal to the metal' and slow with left foot braking.
9.  It is impossible to comply with Track Rules about staying three metres apart if you need to overtake Gav.  (Ignore the Rule, and mow Gav down.)
10. Make sure the helmet they give you is a snug fit.  No point having an XXL helmet on your small head.........
11. Expect, on the evening of the event after you are home, to learn you have aches in muscles you never knew you had.......

And........ finally........

If your said smart arse cousin is an ex Australian Champ who goes 130 kph down that same straight, and into and out of that same chicane on two wheels, you ain't gonna be big in go karting.

Yours faithfully,

(Shoulders and upper arms are aching,) Aussie.