I wouldn't be at work for over a month.
The Depression was about to hit rock bottom, regardless that I had been on Anti-Depressants for awhile.
They called me the 'Terminator' at work, because I was emotionally dead (never talked to anyone and just worked)and even wore my dark work-sunnies on the nightshift - to hide the pain.
The desire to die was the only feeling and thought and eventually it asked of me to die in my sleep.
Some people take illicit drugs n' alcohol and have violent car accidents, wrist slashing, etc to die. I was just letting the depression take its own course.
I lay there and didn't move for 3 days or nights.
I was dead to the world.
Everything was dark in that dark lonely house.
By coincidence - it was exactly during those 3 days & 3 nights that it flooded in the Riverina (2011) for the first time in 42 years (I was 42 at the time). I barely remember seeing through the slit of my barely opened eye to see through the slit between curtains an incredibly heavy and constant downpour. I did this occasionally over that period.
But I didn't care.
I didn't care if the house was flooding.
All that was happening was - the Rain.
Everywhere was flooding though and flooding high.
Besides those fleeting moments of perceiving the Rain.
All that I can remember was my dreams.
I was always underwater - scuba diving or breathing underwater via free-diving, etc. I was 'alive' underwater via my dreams that were far more interesting than what my life had become.
When I finally managed to move and rouse myself to go to the toilet and drink from the tap, the rain had stopped.
I hadn't died in my sleep, as how it felt I would. The house I was in wasn't flooded due to a good spot, but it was close.
After a few weeks, I managed to return to work.
I guess that was that then. So to refer to a famous movie scene...
Just a moment that was lost like tears in rain.
So that's it. Don't know if it really adds to the topic?