I've figured it out. I've figured out how Australia's economic vital signs can be so good - low joblessness, low inflation, trend growth - and yet Australians can remain so resolutely miserable.
Consumer confidence figures out this week confirm Australian consumers remain in the doldrums, with sentiment lifting just 0.8 per cent to remain below its historical average, despite a supersized interest rate cut and a federal budget promising goodies for middle- and low-income families.
A separate survey by Boston Consulting Group found sentiment in Australia ranks even lower than that of some crisis-torn and debt-riddled European countries.
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There can be only one answer: we are, as a nation, chucking a full-on, all-screaming, all-door-slamming teenage temper tantrum.
The Australian economy is now in its 20th year of consecutive growth. Anyone aged about 40 or less has pretty much never experienced a recession, or at least the humiliating experience of trying to find a job during one. The consequence is we have grown complacent. We've either forgotten, or have never known, how hard it can get.
We've matured, recently, in our discontent. The collective hissy fit that pushed the Howard government out of power and saw Labor sail forth in a ''cost of living'' battle was more like a school kid spitting the dummy about not having enough pocket money to cover increasing lolly prices.
True, lolly prices were rising, particularly on consumer sensitive items like petrol, food, education and health. But average income gains were more than enough to offset the rises for most, if not all, Australian households.
In the post global financial crisis era, we have entered a more mature phase in our malcontent. We recently discovered that we maxed out our credit card and mum and dad can't just erase it. We ran up massive debts relative to our income, with most of the money going into housing, and we've woken up with a debt hangover. Australia's household debt-to-income ratio is the highest in the world. And house prices have stopped rising.
With an almighty crunch, the realisation has dawned that we can't go out partying every Saturday, we need to stay at home and save money. And that is, like, sooo unfair!
Meanwhile, business is acting like an adolescent, too, chucking hissy fits about workplace laws and taxation because it has learnt that this is an extremely effective parental manipulation strategy. In the teenage economy, the returns from rentseeking - or seeking special treatment from mum and dad - are higher than the returns from productive pursuits, like actually innovating business practices. Business chucks a tantrum because it's easier to manipulate mum into given you $20 than going out and getting a job and earning it yourself.
One after another, Australia's leading chief executives whinge and whine about government red tape and onerous regulation, while failing utterly to outline visions for innovation.
Retailers whine about lower retail spending, rather than diverting their energy into making stores that people want to shop in with sales assistants that are friendly and knowledgeable about their product.
Manufacturers bemoan a higher dollar without thinking how they can move up the value chain to high-end goods that foreigners actually want to buy.To be fair, it seems most of the tantrums come from big business in Australia - the banks, resource companies and retailers that generally operate under little competitive pressure and enjoy a captive customer base. Rather than divert their resources into becoming more efficient, it pays dividends to run to government and seek favourable tax conditions or other treatment to plump shareholder returns.
Government is acting like the weak-willed parent who, in its thirst for affection, has failed to draw any boundaries and stick to them.
Consumers have become rentseekers too, complaining about the cost of living and wailing about any attempts to wind back a bloated welfare system. Meanwhile we refuse to acknowledge all the things government has done for us, like stopping us from going into recession.
Government is left desperately trying to figure out what it is that we want to keep us quiet. But any attempts to assuage our complaints - such as petrol price inquiries, grocery price inquiries - only lead us to wail even louder.
Our political discourse has become petty and puerile, an obsession with personality more befitting a teenage sleepover or schoolyard gossip circle. Did you see Julia's shoulder pads in that jacket? They were like sooo 1990s! She's such a scrag anyway. Huge arse. Oooh, but how about Tony? I dunno, he seems kinda aggressive, but powerful somehow. I dunno, you know?
Perhaps this is the symptom of our success. If we had double-digit unemployment then we'd really have something to worry about. But we don't. So we wail and gnash our teeth about the injustice of it all.
The Treasury Secretary, Martin Parkinson, in his annual post-budget address, complained this week of the complete lack of respect for the institutional and policy settings which have got Australia to where it is. These include: sustainable government finances which create room for counter-cyclical spending to cushion against recession; an independent central bank which has anchored inflation expectations; and a floating exchange rate that acts as a shock absorber for the economy.
He strayed from his scripted notes during the luncheon of the Australian Business Economists, many of whom are former government economic advisers, and it's worth reproducing the comments here:
''One of the things that actually is disappointing is people take for granted that this framework exists now. There are some of us in this room who know how hard it was to get those frameworks in place. To put it another way, that set of frameworks is an asset or an endowment for Australia in as much a way as our mineral and energy resources are or our human capital is. If we trash those frameworks for short-term gain then the consequences for Australia will be very, very significant and I find it, therefore, very, very disheartening when I see people in the business community or people commentating in the press who seem to think that you can just basically casually attack some of the elements of this framework without actually thinking through 1) how much a benefit it's given Australia and 2) what would be the implications for Australia today if we had those frameworks having been dismantled in some way.''
Maybe it's time we grew up and realised how good we've got it.
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