Yes, sorry to hear about that Ja.
That website looks as though it's worth looking at.

It may also be helpful to speak with those of similar experience, there are plenty around.

Yep that website seemed good, so I just subscribed.

I see a shrink which is good.
There was a period where I took up drinking and it twisted my depression into a dark and destructive path.
I was contemplating suicide and even wrote a story about killing my future love which got me into trouble.
But once the drinking stopped and the meds started
- it was just the depression.
I eventually hit rock bottom - where I couldn't get out of bed for 3 days (although I just prefer to sleep on the floor) - didn't eat and hardly drank and slept 99% of the time because it seemed my 'dreams' were far better than my life.
I wanted to die.
...if I was still drinking at that time - I would have died.


The irony is that I used to work in Psyche and even with Suicides.

Its all my fault though.

I shouldn't have got married in the first place, etc.
I shouldn't have pushed my solumate away.

Hence why I'm now a sad ****** who goes out and gets pizza by himself.

It_is_the_Darkness wrote on Mar 16^th, 2012 at 6:55pm:


Regrets, we all have a few, but choosing your own pizza where and when you want can be a wonderfully artistic experience 

Quote:


That actually came from a time when I was a kid and I had to testify against a gunman who left another man paralyzed for life.
I was dragged out of school time and again for line-ups, to the County court and then to the Supreme court.
The gunman eventually got off but he was obviously as guilty as sin.
Afterwards, I rode my bike past him quite often and it scared the living crap outta me.

Obviously I was a more than a little afraid that he'd come seeking some retribution.

Mum had recently left for another bloke, and Dad quite often worked nights to pay the mortgage "once again".

So, I used to keep my faithful amazingly smart dog with me and a shotgun next to my bed at all times. That was good enough to keep me feeling safe and well able to protect myself.

It_is_the_Darkness wrote on Mar 16^th, 2012 at 6:55pm:


I've made decisions I regret.
'member, go out for a walk, do any activity.

Do a lot of activity at work. Enjoy work. Yeah - I'm sure Rage has a lot of songs that would trigger me off. for a good  . I love rage - just don't have a TV (everything else these days on TV seems to have spoiled it for me.)

I think the most painful thing for me is that even under the circumstance that I was in (still married, but happily seperated by 600km) - I honestly and truely BELIEVED that her and I would be together forever. I think thats the most painful thing. I 'believed'.
Ironically, here in Leeton - I wrote upon a bird hide wall a short story her and I collaborated on (for a comp in the Age newspaper) in regards to how we knew it was love at the Bird Hide in a romantic way. Since then, the story has become a bit of a buzz here (wasn't my intention) and I've been told it has gone 'viral' as people have photographed it and done reviews, etc.
Kinda sad really ...considering the situation now with the AVO.

Oh well as they say: "What's the Dalai Lama's favourite pizza?"
"...'One' with everything!" 

I'll find it an post it up soon.
I will have to change her name due to the AVO requirements.