Australian Politics Forum - Jasignature got 'double-whammy'.

blackadder Gold Member Offline Posts: 1977	Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'. Reply #15 - Jan 26^th, 2012 at 8:29pm Annie will you meet me in the bird hide as I think I am falling in love with you.
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It_is_the_Darkness

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Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'.
Reply #16 - Jan 26^th, 2012 at 9:06pm

We didn't do it in the Hide which coincidently is nicknamed by the locals as the "Biffle Cabin". Biffle meaning something akin to a male/female 'connection' that is just short of marriage but far more than 'just friends'. I just found this out last week. Something more like 'Soulmate', as quoted by Wikipedia.

I actually pushed the other woman away and regretted it straight away - but she wouldn't come back. I was never happy in my marriage ...didn't want to get married (never proposed) let alone have a child - but maybe it was just with her. So I jumped at the chance to steal away regardless of the pay.

None the less, I am alone now - almost 600km between them both. I haven't heard from the other woman in months and it kinda hurts. It wasn't a mid-life crises otherwise I would have gone for some nice young hoochie that didn't have luggage of her own, etc, etc. I still communicate with my Ex, in regards to my daughter and I make every effort to make sure that my daughter will never feel to blame and that everything will be alright.

I could cross the border into Victoria. Hang out where she works and leave a message on her car without compromising her privacy. But, I don't wanna really do that - so I just suffer in silence knowing full well that I need her. I've suffered chronic depression since I lost her. You might think I'm a cold bastard regarding my Ex - but that's the gist of it ...there was hardly any 'feelings' there at all. We were chalk and cheese.

It really is like two souls that are one - somehow trapped in different worlds.
Anyway, I miss her and feel absolutely pissed that although we
1. Tried (5 steps forward)
2. Failed (15 steps backward)
...we can't manage to get to
3. Success (infinative steps forward)

Should I drive down like a stalker and wait outside the carpark where she works and try to say "Hi - remember me?!" Roll Eyes

I'm trying to get back into Writing but its kinda hard - I feel so half-hearted about everything.

Trust me. I wish I hadn't met her. Truely - because ignorance is bliss ...but she is the one.

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It_is_the_Darkness Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 4000 in a ReTardis Gender:	Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'. Reply #17 - Jan 26^th, 2012 at 9:10pm By the way. The Forum was 'The Australian Writer's Forum'. She has left and I've been banned. Yes Annie ...maybe just 2% is optomistic
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Soren

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Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'.
Reply #18 - Jan 26^th, 2012 at 9:25pm

It_is_the_Darkness wrote on Jan 26^th, 2012 at 4:20am:

Yep Life_Goes_On, I do have a female 'Pen Name'.

Ahh alas, how cruel it was to discover, after I got married for no reason at all, that someone I had a lot in common with, someone of whom I met via writing - like this very post itself, someone whose kiss was something more wonderful than...

Trust me, it wasn't born upon the need for an affair. We became friends over the net, then Biffles that actually realised how we felt about each other (and still no kiss) in an actual official 'Biffle' cabin (The Bird Hide). It was after all this, that we crossed the line, let alone the border, together. Then weeks later - I cracked under pressure and I pushed her away and lost her in a maelstrom of uncertainty disabled by fears concerning which course to take? I was also juggling a high pressure traineeship (potential to earn $1000 a day ...lost that too in the end) that had warring factions.
So now, I drive 600km to see my daughter whenever I can and resist the urge to go 600km in the other direction to see 'her' who doesn't want to see me anymore.
Thus I just get on with things here in the middle of nowhere, in a large near empty house working a job that won't have a 'gravy train' at the end of it. *Sigh.
As for my Writing W.I.P, lost that too. 20 years up in smoke during a fit of despair. *Sigh

So I wrote our little story up in the place where we knew we needed one another ...its my 'tinniest glimmer of hope', you could say - that she might see it one day and realise that 'Yes - I do love her'.
I think I have a 2% chance.

I don't think your writing is ready for publication. Keep practicing, though.

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Annie Anthrax Gold Member Offline Posts: 7062 Gender:	Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'. Reply #19 - Jan 26^th, 2012 at 10:01pm Jas, seriously. Driving 600km to hang around outside an ex-lover's place of employment and leaving a note on her car in these circumtances is not romantic - it's creepy. It's time to move on. There are plenty of single women out there - nobody is ever The (only) One. Have some fun.
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It_is_the_Darkness

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Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'.
Reply #20 - Jan 26^th, 2012 at 10:37pm

I agree Annie. Very creepy. That's why i've remained here and only just sent the occassional letter to an address I presume are her parents. Never a reply of course. I know she's gone - but I'm so incredibly sad about it.
I just stepped back to catch a breather and thats when we fell apart and try as might - I just couldn't get her back. She did want to, in a way - but it was like 'fear' somehow kept pushing her away until she was entirely gone and that's when I realised
"I'm a stupid fool!"

I have completely lost her, but I just can't help but miss her for some reason. They say "Plenty of fish in the sea", but as a Diver, there aren't as much fish as they say underwater and anyway - I'm kinda fed up with failed relationships. While married, there was plenty of opportunity for me (hell, I did Nursing for awhile with many a female staff member telling me she wasn't wearing any underwear Shocked

) but I really wanted to make a go of my marriage ...but when I believed things would click ...down I slipped.

I have no regrets about the love I shared with the other woman. It was one of the best times in my life. We just clicked - there was spark, we were 'happy'.
Alas, it was indeed against the odds. I guess it always is with the right woman - eh?

So now here I am ...alone.
What to do?
What to do?
Undecided

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It_is_the_Darkness

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Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'.
Reply #21 - Jan 27^th, 2012 at 9:40am

Wow. First time 'she' came back in my dream last night. A very wonderful and affectionate moment, but that wasn't before we had to have it out.
Sad I know - just a dream.

I know you all may dissagree here (I think?) but it is cruel for someone to find 'true love' after they are married and crueler still to have that 'true love' slip from their fingers. I'm 40+ ...haven't I waited long enough?
My soon former (few months to go) wife and mother of my daughter? Well, originally she was upset and didn't want to loose me. But once she realised that the 'other woman' had moved on, she said over the phone from a neighbours (big) house (his wife left him too. Although he earned $100,000+, she said there was no 'spark') that "She never really loved me. She just didn't want to see me in love with 'her'."
Ouch.

So Annie. By all means, get that Cat-o-9-tails out and whip me into shape here! What am I missing?

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« Last Edit: Jan 27^th, 2012 at 10:05am by It_is_the_Darkness »

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FriYAY

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Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'.
Reply #22 - Jan 27^th, 2012 at 3:25pm

It_is_the_Darkness wrote on Jan 27^th, 2012 at 9:40am:

Wow. First time 'she' came back in my dream last night. A very wonderful and affectionate moment, but that wasn't before we had to have it out.
Sad I know - just a dream.

I know you all may dissagree here (I think?) but it is cruel for someone to find 'true love' after they are married and crueler still to have that 'true love' slip from their fingers. I'm 40+ ...haven't I waited long enough?
My soon former (few months to go) wife and mother of my daughter? Well, originally she was upset and didn't want to loose me. But once she realised that the 'other woman' had moved on, she said over the phone from a neighbours (big) house (his wife left him too. Although he earned $100,000+, she said there was no 'spark') that "She never really loved me. She just didn't want to see me in love with 'her'."
Ouch.

So Annie. By all means, get that Cat-o-9-tails out and whip me into shape here! What am I missing?

Some porn and lube.

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It_is_the_Darkness Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 4000 in a ReTardis Gender:	Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'. Reply #23 - Jan 27^th, 2012 at 4:27pm
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Soren

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Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'.
Reply #24 - Jan 27^th, 2012 at 7:48pm

Annie Anthrax wrote on Jan 26^th, 2012 at 10:01pm:

Jas, seriously. Driving 600km to hang around outside an ex-lover's place of employment and leaving a note on her car in these circumtances is not romantic - it's creepy.

It's time to move on.

BAD advice, Jas. That's what Tony Abbott said and look what happened.

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Annie Anthrax Gold Member Offline Posts: 7062 Gender:	Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'. Reply #25 - Jan 27^th, 2012 at 10:04pm Quote: So Annie. By all means, get that Cat-o-9-tails out and whip me into shape here! What am I missing? A hope in hell.
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It_is_the_Darkness

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Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'.
Reply #26 - Jan 27^th, 2012 at 10:43pm

Its ok. Miss her like hell. But the most important person to me right now is my daughter. A FB friend said "Better a father who is away than a father who is absent". It gives me hope and so I drive 600km there and then 600km back to be there for my daughter and when she is older, to be there still when she needs to come to me. Nothing is more important to me than her wellbeing as best as I can.
Maybe when the Divorce is finally settled soon, I may move on with someone else - but I doubt it. I think I've had it.

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blackadder

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Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'.
Reply #27 - Jan 28^th, 2012 at 7:08am

It_is_the_Darkness wrote on Jan 27^th, 2012 at 10:43pm:

Its ok. Miss her like hell. But the most important person to me right now is my daughter. A FB friend said "Better a father who is away than a father who is absent". It gives me hope and so I drive 600km there and then 600km back to be there for my daughter and when she is older, to be there still when she needs to come to me. Nothing is more important to me than her wellbeing as best as I can.
Maybe when the Divorce is finally settled soon, I may move on with someone else - but I doubt it. I think I've had it.

Save the crocodile tears. Bet your daughter wasn't on your mind when you were in the bird hide.

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It_is_the_Darkness

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Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'.
Reply #28 - Jan 28^th, 2012 at 9:03am

Like I said. Nothing 'physical' happened in the Hide. Guess thats why they call it the 'Biffle' cabin. We just knew in each other's eyes that it was love.

The irony was that the plan was for her and her daughter to live with me as well as my daughter. Her Ex would then be free to follow his pursuits of living the high life while he worked the Airlines and my Ex was free to travel the world like she always wanted (my Ex and her Ex are much alike). So in essence, my daughter would have eventually had the good company of a half-sister rather than be a lone child.

Anyway, doesn't matter. Annie is right. No hope in hell.

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It_is_the_Darkness Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 4000 in a ReTardis Gender:	Re: Jasignature got 'double-whammy'. Reply #29 - Jan 28^th, 2012 at 7:54pm ...just wish the pain of missing her would dissapate.
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