Yadda wrote on May 31^st, 2011 at 10:49am:


It is a nice day in paradise. Allah is looking through the window at the Earth below, accompanied by one of his trusted angels. He is sad.

"Look at these peoples, bombed and blown all over the place. These Amerikans have been at it again. When will they ever learn?"

"They do not learn, Master. The souls are coming in now. They are very sad."

"Make sure they are comforted. We do not want a repeat of that September 11."

"Yes, Master, it will be done. Shall we smite these Amerikans?"

"No, leave them be for now. They shall receive their justice, insh'allah."

On Earth, Karzai gets off the phone to NATO.

"These Amerikans have been at it again! That's it. This time, I am really going to do it!"

"Join Taliban, Master?"

"Kabesh! This time I join Amerika."

"But, Master, you are already with Amerika. You are the US-installed and democratikally-elected president of Afghanistan."

"This I know, but these Amerikans will stop at nothing. Perhaps we need to join forces to kill Taliban and all forces of terror."

"But, Master, these Amerikans make terror. They bomb our people for nothing!"

"Exactly. Angel of Darkness has spoken. We need to make pact with Amerika."

But you have pact already."

"I mean real pact. We should keep Amerikan soldier in Afghanistan. Who knows what these peoples were doing in mountains?"

"Master, they were goathearders! They do nothing!"

"Maybe they make bomb. Maybe they try to kill Amerika."

"Master, this is not possible. Amerika kill the innocent peoples."

"Bah! Who knows who is innocent before God? Angel of Darkness says..."

The Doktor appears at the door.

"Er... Doktor! Come in! Is so happy to se you."

"Salaam Aleikum, Mister President, may God be with you. Forgive me for dropping in without notice. Have you heard?"

"Ah! Is terrible! These goathearders. They hide the terrorist. Is very sad."

"Hide terrorist? Mr President, they were innocent. Amerika bomb them for nothing."

"Kabesh! These Amerikans! Still, Angel of... Er, Amerika... I mean NATO say they..."

"Mr President, who is president of Afghanistan? NATO?"

"Er..."

"Amerika?"

"No... I, er, am officially, well, technically, the..."

"It is you, Mr President. The Afghan peoples elect you to rule over them. It is democracy, Mr President. You are - how to say - Chief of Staff."

"Yes, I..."

"Not Amerika, not NATO, it is you."

"Well, of course, but there are other forces, there are..."

"The peoples need you, Mr President. You look tired. I should give you the booster."

"No, no, is fine. I don't need..."

"Come. I am the Doktor. I give shot."

The Doktor prepares his shot as Karzai's manservant looks out the window. Praise Allah someone is able to take control. The Doktor jabs Karzai sharply in the thigh.

"Kabesh!"

"Excuse me, Mr President. Sometimes the medicine is painful to administer."

Karzai slinks into an armchair, takes off his reading glasses and rubs his eyes. The shot has taken effect.

"Now, Mr President, there is only one solution to the problem, it is so."

"I, er..."

No more Amerika, no more NATO, only one group is worthy of your support. You know who I mean."

"Yes, yes..."

"President Hamed Karzai must join Taliban."

"But I already join. I have card somewhere in the draw."

"Must really join Taliban. There is no other choice."

"No other choice... But I must do business. I must keep Afghanistan going!"

"Yes you must. You are the President. Only way to keep Afghanistan going is to defeat Amerika. We must have justice. We must have order. Allah's will must be restored!"

"I kniow, I know..."

"Also, Taliban is very good for business. Insecurity is best form of security. Is this not so?"

"Yes. There is much order in chaos."

"It is so. Now. I go. Your servant here will assist you. You must sleep, Mr President. Sleep. You are feeling so very tired, is it not?"

"Yes."

"You will join Taliban. We must make order. Global trade is in recession. Amerika must have the investment, true?"

"Yes, Doktor."

"And Afghanistan must get aid, is it not?"

I don't know how we'd live without it."

"This is true, insh'allah. Now you must sleep. Sleep, and let the will of God be done in Afghanistan. Sleep, and be friend with Taliban in your dreams."

Karzai sleeps. The Doktor gives his servant a look and leaves with his black bag.

In paradise, Allah looks down and sees the world turn. He is sad, but knows that justice will be restored, the vast wheel of fate grinding and relentless in its eternal motion.

Today, Amerika kills civilians in Afghanistan. Tomorrow, roadside bombs will kill coalition soldiers. Karzai will give a press conference. Newspapers in the West will sell. Amerikan defence contractors will pitch for new tendors, the aid will continue to flow, and in the mountains, the caravans will continue their trail. Weapons will come in, and opium will go out, the centuries old wheel of fate turning through the lives, deaths and struggles of all.

How can men hurt Allah? By obeying the wheel of their fate. Allah looks down on Karzai sleeping and wonders if he will ever wake up.

In the mountains west of Kandahar, the Taliban, as usual, are waiting. Mullah Khaksar Akhund, a Taliban agent and friend of Karzai, is drinking goat's milk tea. His satelite phone rings. Akhund, panicking, spills his cup in the dirt.

"Kabesh! This thing is maddening! What to do?"

Hilell, a 19 year old Pakistani youth, takes the phone. He has studied in the West. He has an Advanced Diploma in IT from the Bradford Polytechnic, UK. He is overly qualified for the Taliban.

"Already I tell you this! Why don't you listen? Is so easy - you just need to press button. Look - "

"Give me. You should respect your elders! This?"

"Yes! Already I tell one hundred times!"

"Kabesh!" Akhund grabs the phone and answers. "Ah, it is you, beloved! Salaam Aleikum, my brother Karzai. It is long time!"

Karzai's voice crackles from space. The mountain of Lakshar Gar is only a few hundred kilometers from Kabul as the crow flies, but it is far away by phone, and many weeks by truck, mule and foot through the bombed roads and steep mountain passes.

"Too long, my brother. How is business where you are?"

"Ah! God is good, Hamed, but it is cold at night. I am not used to this living. I think I am city man by nature, insh'allah."

"Ha! I too, brother Khaksar. Still, is good you are doing God's work. We must meet for tea soon. I am so lonely in this place."

"You are fortunate, brother Hamed. Here, I can't get away. And the young - " Akhund glares at Hilell. "Such little respect for their uncles."

Hilell is smoking a filterless Camel. He spits a long streak of saliva into the dust.

"Alas, Khaksar, we must have patience. So much war, so much pain. We must build the New Afghanistan for such as these."

"Kabesh! They are spoilt! They refuse to learn! When the Taliban was..."

"Listen, this I must discuss."

"Allah Uakbar! You want to join the jihad again, brother Hamed?"

Karzai's voice is distant and hollow. "We make jihad in many ways, brother. Anyway, I cannot talk. We must have tea. Can you come to Kabul?"

Akhund brightens at the idea of returning to Kabul. "But of course!" He sees Hilell sullenly digging a hole in the dust with the barrel of his Kalishnikov. He hits him on the back of the head. "Kabesh! Stop being a fool!"

Akhund speaks into the phone. "Sorry, beloved, not you. It is these boys. They are giving me an ulcer already."

"Ah, God is great, Khaksar, he protects the children and fools."

"Ha ha. This is true, insh'allah. You want I should come to Kabul?"

"Yes. Now listen..."

Karzai makes the plans for his friend's return to Kabul. The ex-commerce minister of Afghanistan under the Taliban, Akhund denounced the Taliban and has backed Karzai since 2002 - officially. Unofficially, Akhund is Karzai's man in the Taliban. Still, as little as he knows about commerce, Akhund is no Kalishnikov-slinging Taliban fighter. Akhund is a political player, and he relishes the opportunity of returning to politics, which in Afghanistan means making millions of US dollars and living in a fortress to avoid the attempts on your life.

In the presidential palace, Karzai closes his mobile phone and keeps up his pace on the Treadmaster. Enough is enough. Karzai is going places. Soon, he will avenge the death of his peoples and bring insecurity to Afghanistan again. Once again, the aid dollars will flow and Karzai may even get the bunker the Amerikans have been promising for years.

The Doktor will be pleased with him. Just think: only yesterday, the Angel of Death was telling him to support Amerika. Now, Karzai will pull a coup de'tat and join the Taliban. Ah! Only in Afghanistan. Wait until the Angel of Death hears. The Angel of Death will...

Oh.

What has Karzai done? What will he tell the Angel of Death? How will he cover his tracks? You've really done it this time, Karzai. Finally, they will catch up with you. You can't get out of this. This time, you've landed right in the goat's head soup.

Karzai stops the Treadmaster and claps his hands to summon his servant. He wipes his face with a towel. How can he keep going like this?

In Fort Worth, Texas, Second Warrant Officer, Walden Schmidt, marks the satelite capture "pertinent." He will send the call by email to his colonel, who will cross reference the intel with other calls captured in Afghanistan. Such "hard intelligence" in the War On Terror will then be referred to the CIA, who the Army believe, will sit on it and do nothing. If the colonel believes the information is good, they will send a drone in to do business. The CIA station chief in Kabul will then complain to the army about interfering on their patch and start an argument at the next hearing of the senate standing committee.

In the presidential palace, Karzai sweats. In the mountains west of Kandahar, Akhund makes plans for his trek to Kabul. In Fort Worth, Texas, the colonel gives orders for another drone attack. Karzai is right. Afghanistan will soon be insecure again, but it is business as usual.

What will happen next, friends? Will Mullah Khaksar Akhund and Hilell reach Kabul? Will the CIA station chief get his revenge? Will Karzai manage, once and for all, to join the Taliban and make his jihad against Amerika?

Stay reading, friends, and remember, for the cleanest, brightest teeth, brush with Darkie toothpaste.

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tune in next time for more chilling tales of karzai

Yes, friends, keep reading and we shall find out more together. The Angel of Darkness has forgiven Karzai, but what of God Himself?

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