Australian Politics Forum - I have a relationship problem

Amadd

Gold Member

Offline

Mo

Posts: 6217

I have a relationship problem
Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 6:49am

I need to admit to it.

My parents seperated/ divorced when I was 12 yrs of age and I never really got over that.

I was on the cusp of puberty and I had bigger things on my mind than my parents deserting my forwarding needs.
As so happened, I come across a very sticky situation at 12 yrs of age where I had to identify a shooter who put another guy in a wheelchair for life.

My mother was totally ignorant of my situation 'cause she was way too busy smacking that other dude who split our family.

After all of of the court cases..all the way to the supreme court, the shooter got off 'cause of lack of evidence.
I was left to watch him watching me almost every other day.

I kept a rifle on my lap for at least two years, I listened intently for every sound..I rarely slept properly. My faith was in my faithful dog.

Since then, I have travelled the world and enjoyed myself ..it's nice to not have a worry.

Upon getting back from my travels, I developed a nice relationship with my grandmother who also enjoyed travelling and sharing experiences.
Then my mother buts in and insists on cleaning my floor and doing stuff that is a bit personally insulting.

She wasn't around when I was holding a gun on my lap...she was no use to me then.

I don't really want her around so much...she should get over it. It's not my prob.

Back to top

« Last Edit: Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 4:30pm by Amadd »

IP Logged

Amadd Gold Member Offline Mo Posts: 6217	Re: I have a relationship problem Reply #1 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 7:10am I think that I should tell her straight that she needs to find another interest. That's what I really truly want to say. It would mean a lot to me to be able to say that.
Back to top	« Last Edit: Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 4:31pm by Amadd » IP Logged

mantra

Gold Member

Offline

ozpolitic.com

Posts: 10750
Gender: female

Re: I have a relationship problem
Reply #2 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 7:37am

Some sons do have a love/hate relationship with their mother - I know this because I'm a mother with an adult son and I can say this from my own experiences.

Your mother may have been caught up in her own misery when you were 12 - an extremely vulnerable and difficult age for a boy and you probably didn't make her life easier with your problems, which she may not have been able to deal with to your satisfaction. Sometimes communication seems to stop altogether, particularly if both the mother and son are highly strung, defensive or overly sensitive and both wrapped up in their own problems.

Quote:

Then my mother buts in and insists on cleaning my floor and doing stuff that is a bit personally insulting.

She goes on and on with it, and I really truly want to tell her to bugger off.

She wasn't around when I was holding a gun on my lap...she is of no use at all to me.

It seems like she's trying to mend the relationship and from a female's point of view, I doubt she was butting in, just trying to get to know her son a little better and do something she thought was good for you because of the lost years of communication. She may not know who you are and that's not necessarily her fault. Isn't it better to be a little late in trying to mend the relationship than not at all?

You've only got one mother and I'm not sure whether sons have the same bond with their mothers as daughters do, but I would think that if something happened to her, you would feel guilt possibly for many years. It would be the same for her also if something happened to you.

Try and forgive her - she's only a human being and if you have children - is there something that they might resent about your actions that you believe you are blameless for?

If you finally realised that you might have done the wrong thing at one stage when they were growing up, wouldn't you hope that they would forgive you?

Back to top

IP Logged

mantra

Gold Member

Offline

ozpolitic.com

Posts: 10750
Gender: female

Re: I have a relationship problem
Reply #3 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 8:04am

The mother/son relationship can be a difficult one at times. Some are successful, while others just seem to hang by a thread, yet there is a very deep love/bond between them that keeps that thread from snapping altogether.

A mother always believes she is doing all the right things until the son becomes a teenager and that's when problems seem to surface. These problems need to be nipped in the bud immediately, but that's easier to say than do.

Back to top

IP Logged

ash

Full Member

Offline

Australian Politics

Posts: 119
Gender: female

Re: I have a relationship problem
Reply #4 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 8:46am

Amadd wrote on Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 7:10am:

I think that I should tell her straight that she means nothing to me and that she should bugger off from my life.
That's what I really truly want to say. It would mean a lot to me to be able to say that.

Dat's just the truth of the matter.

amadd i empathise with your situation.

a real mother does not put her own self serving needs/wants above her child's/children's and then roll back in as suits her and expect all to be forgiven. i have very little patience for people of that ilk who inflict pain and devastation on their child/ren because of their choices.

tell her.

Back to top

IP Logged

mantra

Gold Member

Offline

ozpolitic.com

Posts: 10750
Gender: female

Re: I have a relationship problem
Reply #5 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 9:27am

ash wrote on Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 8:46am:

a real mother does not put her own self serving needs/wants above her child's/children's and then roll back in as suits her and expect all to be forgiven. i have very little patience for people of that ilk who inflict pain and devastation on their child/ren because of their choices.

tell her.

Wasn't his mother going through a devastating divorce at the time and apparently totally consumed with it? Was the father around to help alleviate his son's fears and comfort him, or was the father as equally traumatised as the mother and Amadd?

The mother always gets the blame but sometimes these situations can't be helped and no-one should be blamed.

Back to top

IP Logged

Soren

Gold Member

Offline

Posts: 25654
Gender: male

Re: I have a relationship problem
Reply #6 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 9:38am

Amadd wrote on Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 7:10am:

I think that I should tell her straight that she means nothing to me and that she should bugger off from my life.
That's what I really truly want to say. It would mean a lot to me to be able to say that.

Dat's just the truth of the matter.

I don't think you should tell her she means nothing to you, as she clearly bugs you and you haven't digsted her yet. You wouldn't have a relationship problem if she really meant nothing to you.

You should perhap tell her instad that you are helpless and frutrated about what she did when you were young, that you are unable to forgive her or see your way to overcoming the sense of harm and betrayal by her that you feel.
If you say she means nothing to you then you just turn her into a victim of a callous, uncaring son and provide belated justifiction for her earlier abandonent of you.
WHat you want to convey to her is that her own self-justifications do not work with her son.
Then you can tell her to bugger orf.

Back to top

IP Logged

ash

Full Member

Offline

Australian Politics

Posts: 119
Gender: female

Re: I have a relationship problem
Reply #7 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 9:46am

mantra wrote on Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 9:27am:

ash wrote on Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 8:46am:

a real mother does not put her own self serving needs/wants above her child's/children's and then roll back in as suits her and expect all to be forgiven. i have very little patience for people of that ilk who inflict pain and devastation on their child/ren because of their choices.

tell her.

Wasn't his mother going through a devastating divorce at the time and apparently totally consumed with it? Was the father around to help alleviate his son's fears and comfort him, or was the father as equally traumatised as the mother and Amadd?

The mother always gets the blame but sometimes these situations can't be helped and no-one should be blamed.

mantra from amadd's posts i got that his mother caused the divorce by being unfaithful?

his problem is with his mother, maybe his father was there, maybe not, but from what im getting his "problem", for want of a better term, stm from his mother's absence during those years?

i, of course could be way off track. i was offering my opinion based on what i believe. that is why i blame the mother in this instance.

i stand by my statement concerning my definition of a real mother though.

unconditional love, support and guidance, unconditionally? without trying to be sexist, is that not what why we have children?

Back to top

IP Logged

adelcrow Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 20133 everywhere Gender:	Re: I have a relationship problem Reply #8 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 10:19am Mate, if you dont want your mother around, just tell her. "Im much happier without you around so bugger off and let me get on with my new life"
Back to top	Go the Bunnies IP Logged

Sprintcyclist Gold Member Offline OzPolitic Posts: 41927 Gender:	Re: I have a relationship problem Reply #9 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 11:32am Tell her to bugger off
Back to top	Modern Classic Right Wing IP Logged

NorthOfNorth Gold Member Offline OzPolitic Posts: 17258 Gender:	Re: I have a relationship problem Reply #10 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 12:04pm Whoa! Reads more like an outline for a Tim Winton novel. (Read "The Turning" a collection of Winton short stories). Ever thought about writing? The process might at least prove cathartic.
Back to top	Conviction is the art of being certain IP Logged

Bobby. Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 121206 Melbourne Gender:	Re: I have a relationship problem Reply #11 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 12:23pm Difficult when it's your Mother. About a year ago I had to tell one brother & a sister to buzz off - always a bad situation. Sooner or later we have to fully leave the nest & lead our own lives.
Back to top	IP Logged

mantra

Gold Member

Offline

ozpolitic.com

Posts: 10750
Gender: female

Re: I have a relationship problem
Reply #12 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 3:35pm

ash wrote on Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 9:46am:

mantra from amadd's posts i got that his mother caused the divorce by being unfaithful?

his problem is with his mother, maybe his father was there, maybe not, but from what im getting his "problem", for want of a better term, stm from his mother's absence during those years?

i, of course could be way off track. i was offering my opinion based on what i believe. that is why i blame the mother in this instance.

Quote:

My mother was totally ignorant of my situation 'cause she was way too busy smacking that other dude who split our family.

It's funny how we interpret statements differently. I took this to mean that she was too busy hassling Amadd's father who had walked away from the family which resulted in her being too distressed to think about her children's problems at the time.

You are probably right Ash, but there are 2 sides to every story.

Quote:

i stand by my statement concerning my definition of a real mother though.

unconditional love, support and guidance, unconditionally? without trying to be sexist, is that not what why we have children?

Yes it is and I condemn any mother who walks away from her children in order to seek her own pleasure, especially if that child is having some serious emotional issues and needs help.

Although being a devoted martyr and sacrificing yourself for your children doesn't always work either. If they have nothing major to complain about, there are certainly lots of petty little things that they can blame you for instead.

Back to top

IP Logged

ash

Full Member

Offline

Australian Politics

Posts: 119
Gender: female

Re: I have a relationship problem
Reply #13 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 4:32pm

Amadd wrote on Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 6:49am:

I need to admit to it.

My parents seperated/ divorced when I was 12 yrs of age and I never really got over that.

I was on the cusp of puberty and I had bigger things on my mind than my parents deserting my forwarding needs.
As so happened, I come across a very sticky situation at 12 yrs of age where I had to identify a shooter who put another guy in a wheelchair for life.

My mother was totally ignorant of my situation

'cause she was way too busy smacking that other dude who split our family.

After all of of the court cases..all the way to the supreme court, the shooter got off 'cause of lack of evidence.
I was left to watch him watching me almost every other day.

I kept a rifle on my lap for at least two years, I listened intently for every sound..I rarely slept properly. My faith was in my faithful dog.

Since then, I have travelled the world and enjoyed myself ..it's nice to not have a worry.

Upon getting back from my travels, I developed a nice relationship with my grandmother who also enjoyed travelling and sharing experiences.
Then my mother buts in and insists on cleaning my floor and doing stuff that is a bit personally insulting.
She goes on and on with it, and I really truly want to tell her to bugger off.
She wasn't around when I was holding a gun on my lap...she is of no use at all to me.

Why can't she just bugger off? Why would she think that she matters at all to me?

Her bugger buddy

has since died of cancer, I don't care...bugger him that family breaker..he deserved to die young.

I don't really care for my mother...she should get over it. It's not my prob.

these highlighted excerpts are what i was refering to. those are what i was addressing. i do see your point and accept and agree that there certainly differing interpretations.

i though, would not consider any mother who puts her child/ren first and foremost a martyr. i would applaud her dedication and unfailing love.

i guess we all see what we need to see. i myself, even at my age, am quite traditional where family values are concerned. i also don't believe a woman should have children with every man she has a "relationship with".

my opinion.

Back to top

IP Logged

ash Full Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 119 Gender:	Re: I have a relationship problem Reply #14 - Apr 22^nd, 2011 at 4:35pm that didn't come out as i had thought, yucky highlight yellow....im learning i don't know where the rest of my reply went.
Back to top	IP Logged