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Joke time (Read 60009 times)
mozzaok
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Re: Joke time
Reply #45 - Jun 21st, 2008 at 7:19pm
 
Little Johnny had a riddle for his teacher,
"Miss johnson, what is hairy, and begins with 'C' and ends with 'T'?

Miss Johnson was very concerned at this question, but cautiously allowed little Johnny to tell her, "CococonuT' Grin
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OOPS!!! My Karma, ran over your Dogma!
 
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freediver
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Re: Joke time
Reply #46 - Jun 21st, 2008 at 7:20pm
 
Hmm, here I was thinking, 'cat'. That's a big word for a little boy.
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People who can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
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Re: Joke time
Reply #47 - Jun 21st, 2008 at 7:44pm
 

A man takes the day off work  and
decides to go out golfing
He is on the second hole when  he
notices a frog sitting next to
the green.
He thinks nothing of  it and is
about to shoot when he
hears, Ribbit 9  Iron.' 

The  man looks around and doesn't
see anyone. Again, he
hears, 'Ribbit 9  Iron.' He looks
at the frog and decides to
prove the frog wrong,  puts the
club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!
He hits it 10  inches from the
cup. He is shocked. He says
to the frog, 'Wow that's  amazing.
You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, 'Ribbit  Lucky frog.'
The man decides to take t he frog
with him to the next  hole.

'What do you think frog?' the
man asks. 'Ribbit 3  wood.'
The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
Boom! Hole in one. The 
man is befuddled and doesn't know
what to say. By the end
of  the day, the man golfed the
best game of golf in his life and
asks  the frog, 'OK where to next?'
The frog replies, 'Ribbit  Las  Vegas 


'They  go to Las  Vegas
and  the guy says, 'OK frog, now
what?' The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.'  Upon
approaching the roulette table, The man
asks, 'What do you  think I should
bet?' The frog replies, 'Ribbit
$3000, black  6.'

Now, this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but
after the  golf game the man
figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash  comes sliding back across the table

The  man takes his winnings and
buys the best room in the
hotel. He sits  the frog down and
says, 'Frog, I don't know how to repay you. 
You've won me all this money and
I am forever grateful.'

The  frog replies,
'Ribbit Kiss Me.'
He figures why not,
since after  all the frog did for
him, he deserves it. With a
kiss, the frog  turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl.



'And  that,

Your  Honour, is how the girl
ended up in my room. So help me God
or my  name is not William Jefferson Clinton.'
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Re: Joke time
Reply #48 - Jun 21st, 2008 at 10:58pm
 
What's a four letter word that is entirely feminine and ends in :-

.....unt
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Modern Classic Right Wing
 
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Re: Joke time
Reply #49 - Jun 22nd, 2008 at 8:13am
 
Aunt?
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...
1523 people like this. The remaining 7,134,765,234 do not 
 
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Re: Joke time
Reply #50 - Jun 22nd, 2008 at 11:36am
 
muso wrote on Jun 22nd, 2008 at 8:13am:
Aunt?

Grin Grin Grin
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Re: Joke time
Reply #51 - Jul 13th, 2008 at 8:10pm
 

The ALP love the poor people.

That's why they make so many of them.
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Re: Joke time
Reply #52 - Jul 14th, 2008 at 1:50pm
 
Beaut news item title.


"Mormons make missionary position clear"





THE creator of a calendar featuring buff Mormon missionaries has been excommunicated as punishment by local church leaders.

Chad Hardy said he bore no ill will toward the council of elders from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints over his punishment.

"I felt like I spoke my truth,'' the 31-year-old entertainment entrepreneur said after the disciplinary meeting in Las Vegas.

"Bottom-line, they still felt the calendar is inappropriate and not the image that the church wants to have,'' the Associated Press reported.

Men on a Mission, which has sold nearly 10,000 copies, features pictures of 12 returned missionaries wearing trousers but not their trademark white shirts.

The men are photographed in traditional missionary garb and share their religious beliefs in biographical sketches.

Some of the 12 featured have also been called to disciplinary meetings but have been punished.

Frank Davie, the senior leader of a group of Mormon congregations in the Las Vegas area, confirmed the 12-member council's decision to the AP.

Mr Hardy said the purpose of the 2008 calendar was not to tear down the church or its 13 million members.

"The project is about stepping outside the stereotypes and stepping outside of the image,'' he said.

"Not everybody fits the image and I let them know we're not trying to portray an image for the entire church.''




http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,24016421-5003402,00.html
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Re: Joke time
Reply #53 - Jul 14th, 2008 at 4:26pm
 
LOL. Did someone not get an inkling that this calender might not be a good idea?

Umm... let's see, who shall we pick to be Miss January - I mean Mister Jan - I mean Pastor January.

Oh yes! Father! That's it! Give us a little smile! That's it! BEAUTIFUL! Excellent pose! Now flex those pecs! ALRIGHT! YES! WONDERFUL. You have an excellent body Father.

Grin Grin Grin
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Re: Joke time
Reply #54 - Jul 16th, 2008 at 9:59pm
 
then there is the "Where the f*ck are We" tribe.

3 foot pygmies in  9 foot grass..leaping up and yelling "where the f*ck are we"?
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&&Jade Rawlings on Cousins " He makes our team walk taller..a very good team man , Ben Cousins"
 
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Re: Joke time
Reply #55 - Jul 16th, 2008 at 11:22pm
 
Two explorers landed on an uncharted land. They were greeted by some natives.

Explorer #1: Hello! I am Captain Holmes! And this is my second-in-commend Major Watson. And who might you be?

Tribe warrior #1: Lucy!

Captain Holmes: And you sir?

Tribe Warrior #2: Lucy!

Captain Holmes: And you?

Tribe Warrior #3: Lucy!

Tribe Warrior #4: Lucy!

Tribe Warrior #5: Lucy!

Captain Holmes: Watson, I think I know where we are.

Major Watson: Where, sir?

Captain Holmes: A Lucy Nation.

Grin Grin Grin
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Re: Joke time
Reply #56 - Jul 16th, 2008 at 11:52pm
 
Grin Grin Grin Grin
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Modern Classic Right Wing
 
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Re: Joke time
Reply #57 - Jul 17th, 2008 at 10:50pm
 
Why are women like clouds?

Eventually they f*ck off and its a really nice day



Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7
miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. If you send just small donation of 2 dollars, I'll send you the video, it's smacking hilarious....
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Re: Joke time
Reply #58 - Jul 18th, 2008 at 2:57pm
 
His lack of intelligence is only bettered by his stupidity.



"AN Indian pensioner has failed his high school exams for the 38th consecutive time - but vows to keep on trying.

Despite devoting his life to passing India's year 10 exams, Shiv Charan, 74, scored 14 per cent in English, 17 per cent in science, 5 per cent in mathematics and 25 per cent in Sanskrit.

He only managed a pass in Hindi with 34 per cent, the Daily Telegraph reported.

"I will fulfil my commitment and continue taking the board examinations till I pass," Mr Charan said.

"For me, success is not merely about clearing the examinations. It will also throw open the doors of marriage."


http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,24033385-5013016,00.html
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Re: Joke time
Reply #59 - Jul 18th, 2008 at 4:55pm
 
God has a talk to Adam and says, 'Adam, I want you to do something for me.  I want you to go to a cave near here."

"But, what is a cave," says Adam.  God explains.

"There you will find a woman named Eve."

"But, what is a woman," says Adam.  God explains.

"The World needs populating, and you must copulate with Eve."

"But, God, what is copulating?"

God explains, getting a tad weary.

"So, Go Adam!"

Adam goes into the cave, and he emerges shortly thereafter.

"What happened Adam?"

"God......what is a 'headache?'"
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