Australian Politics Forum

Grey

Gold Member

Offline

Australian Politics

Posts: 5341
Gender: male

Re: Joke time
Reply #300 - Aug 7^th, 2011 at 6:23am

Sprintcyclist wrote on Aug 4^th, 2011 at 12:03pm:

A guy goes into an Aussie bar and there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini"
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he's curious - so, he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Rugby League, Victoria Bitter and Holden Commodores.

The guy leaves, but having found it very interesting, decides he'll try it one last time. He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
Again the guy says, "Martini" - and the robot brings him another great one.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 40 ..."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you'll gotta be happy with your vote for Julia?"

I can't see any pun in that?

Back to top

"It is in the shelter of each other that the people live" - Irish Proverb

IP Logged

Dsmithy70

Gold Member

Offline

ire futuis vobismetipsis

Posts: 13147
Newy
Gender: male

Re: Joke time
Reply #301 - Nov 1^st, 2011 at 12:35pm

Quote:

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.

I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the girl's father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "f*ck her again."!!

Back to top

REBELLION is not what most people think it is.
REBELLION is when you turn off the TV & start educating & thinking for yourself.
Gavin Nascimento

IP Logged

Soren

Gold Member

Offline

Posts: 25654
Gender: male

Re: Joke time
Reply #302 - Nov 1^st, 2011 at 12:58pm

Grey wrote on Aug 7^th, 2011 at 6:23am:

Sprintcyclist wrote on Aug 4^th, 2011 at 12:03pm:

A guy goes into an Aussie bar and there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini"
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he's curious - so, he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Rugby League, Victoria Bitter and Holden Commodores.

The guy leaves, but having found it very interesting, decides he'll try it one last time. He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
Again the guy says, "Martini" - and the robot brings him another great one.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 40 ..."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you'll gotta be happy with your vote for Julia?"

I can't see any pun in that?

Coz you voted for Julia.

Back to top

IP Logged

mozzaok

Gold Member

Offline

OzPolitic

Posts: 6741
Melbourne
Gender: male

Re: Joke time
Reply #303 - Jan 16^th, 2012 at 9:28am

I was happy. My girlfriend and me were dating for over a year, and
so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing that bothering me, quite a lot indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be.
She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, quite obviously too, and made me feel uncomfortable.

One day, she called me and asked me to come over, to check the invitations. So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she can't overcome. So before I get married and commit my life to her daughter, she wants to make love to me just once.

What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

So, she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it just come and get me.

I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door... I opened it, and stepped out of the house.

Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, we are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in your car.

Back to top

OOPS!!! My Karma, ran over your Dogma!

IP Logged

Lobo

Gold Member

Offline

Australian Politics

Posts: 7408
Sydney
Gender: male

Re: Joke time
Reply #304 - Jan 19^th, 2012 at 6:59pm

A guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two police constables, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether they can see a picture of the wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a picture of his wife.
The copper looks carefully at the picture and then gravely says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook, and lets me play golf whenever I want to!"

Cheesy

Back to top

"What's in store for me in the direction I don't take?"-Jack Kerouac.

IP Logged