A construction boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Paddy.

"You gotta pass my test first", says the boss.
"Here's your first question."

"Without using numbers represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?"  says Paddy. "Tis too easy to be shure," and proceeds to draw 3 trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Well, tree and tree and tree make nine," says Paddy.

"Fair enough," replies the foreman. "Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture of the three trees and makes a smudge on each tree. "Tere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of de trees is dirty now! So dirty tree and dirty tree and dirty tree. Tis 99!"

"All right. Last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

Paddy stares into space again, then picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "Tere you go. One hundred!"

The foreman looks at the attempt. "How in the world does this represent a hundred?"

Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says,
"A little dog come along and cr@p by each tree, so now you've got dirty tree and a turd and dirty tree and a turd and dirty tree and turd, and dat make one 'undred.

So when do I start work?"

Lobo wrote on Jul 19^th, 2010 at 7:05pm:



Three Irishmen were being interviewed for an underground Coal mine. The first one goes in and after a short interview he emerges with a sullen look and he provides some advice to him mate Shaun:  

- If he asks how deep you've worked, tell him really really deep

So Shaun goes into the interview room and the interview is going quite well until they ask  him how deep he has worked in his previous employment.

- Oh I worked 20 foot down on one job. he replied.

So after being told that they were looking for experienced miners rather than ditch diggers, he emerges from the interview room to advise Paddy.

- If they ask how deep you've worked, tell them it was very very very deep

So now it's Paddy's turn. The interviewer asks him the same question again, and Paddy has a think about it for a few seconds then he replies:

- Oh that would be about eh 5 miles, sur.

The interviewer is amazed

- You worked 5 miles underground? Well that's pretty good. How on earth did they manage to supply light and air 5 miles down?

- Oh sure, but we didn't need any light. I just worked dayshift.  

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Daily Newspaper in Shepparton, Victoria and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis & Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

Leroy said, "We shore can!  Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the local grocery store and asked.

"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

They said, "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."

Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."

The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset.  So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the Gillard government.

They're financial advisers to Wayne Swan.



Limit all Australian politicians to two terms.

One in office

One in prison

Just felt I had to share.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCVL9vTM_yU

Got my son an iPhone for his birthday the other week and recently got my daughter an iPod for hers. I was dead chuffed when the family clubbed together and bought me an iPad for my birthday. So I went out and got my wife an iRon for hers. It was around then that the fight started......

A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.   

He replied, "She is called Five Horses."
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?"

The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean... NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"

Bogans of today evolved beyond stunned mullets

http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/sunday-mail/bogans-of-today-evolved-beyond-stunned-mullets/story-e6frep2f-1225953040665

IME was when you could pick a bogan easily: Barry - or Bazza - had a mullet haircut and wore a wife-beater singlet and you'd spot him leaning on his ute swigging a VB in between yelling at the missus Sharon - or Shazza.

But no longer. According to the authors of a new book, the 21st century bogan is a much more complex character, not conforming to class or income brackets - and the species is proliferating.

While the bogan of old was harmless and generally happy to sit at home with a coldie, the modern version is mobile, has money and aspirations - lots of aspirations.

You may work alongside them, live among them. You will certainly rub shoulders with them in the shopping mall. And, horror of horrors, you may even share some features with them.

The book, Things Bogans Like sprang from a satirical website of the same name. The anonymous authors say defining today's bogan requires more careful study of what they say, do and - above all - buy.

To help you identify them, we present an A to Z guide, based on excerpts from the book. But be warned, this could lead you to discover the bogan within.

A.  ADHD: While the bogan parent is always eager to acquire cheap glory, it is vehemently unwilling to accept responsibility for the conduct of bogan junior, despite little Bilynda and Maxxx setting fire to the upholstery in the formal dining area. Using the same mental shortcut that caused it to decide that it had a spurious gluten allergy, the bogan will loudly and arbitrarily announce that its recalcitrant offspring has ADHD. At this point, the bogan parent feels relieved and reassured that none of this mess is their fault.

B.  Buddhist home furnishings: No longer is the bogan confined to decorating its home with HSV wall clocks and novelty stubby-holders. What better way to announce one's entry into the knowledge economy than by purchasing a Buddhism-themed figurine, statue or water feature from the garden section of Kmart?

C.  Celebrities: The bogan is of the opinion that years of work, skill and sacrifice aren't really the key things behind success . . . all that is really required is for the bogan to loudly announce a desire to be a celebrity.

D.  Discount airlines: The bogan is no longer restricted to holidaying within a five-hour Commodore journey of its nest. But it expects celebrity service at bargain prices. If the discount flight is 30 minutes late, a small cluster of bogans can be seen gesticulating maniacally at the service desk. The bogans' flat nasal yowl reverberates across the departure lounge, prompting other bogans to begin howling like a neighbourhood of cross-eyed dogs. Due to incidents such as this, the Bali to Brisbane Jetstar flight on Sunday afternoons has come to be known as the ''bogan bus''.

E.  Enormous prams: Mumma Hummers, as they are affectionately known, are the armoured tanks of the baby transport world. These giant infant carriers ruthlessly dominate every footpath, zebra crossing and foodcourt aisle that they happen to rumble across. For while the bogan mother is walking a child instead of a pit bull, she desires to intimidate all the same.

F.  Franchises: The bogan has standards - standards that can only be met when the front of the shop has a familiar logo that the bogan has seen in other suburbs and towns too. For while each bogan is a unique snowflake, franchises allow them to be as precisely unique as each other.

G.  Going to work in the mines: While in a remote area of Western Australia, the bogan will ply his modest skill set, earning in excess of $500 a day. This financial windfall opens the glittering door to hyper-bogan consumption. Within months, he is playing GTA on his new 125-inch full HD, 3D, LED TV, ripping doughnuts in his shiny Chevrolet ute and drinking phenomenal amounts of locally-brewed Stella Artois.

H.  Hot Asian Chicks: If the illegal fishing boats full of Afghani immigrants that wash up on Ashmore Reef were full of hot Asian chicks . . . hordes of bogans would be strapping long-range fuel tanks and floral bouquets on to their jet-skis and trying to intercept the vessels themselves.

I.  Interest-free, no-deposit: Maintaining an appropriately fashionable abode with massive TV screen and loud home-theatre system is an expensive task. Thankfully, the proprietors of equally massive retailers such as Harvey Norman saw a hole in the market. So now, Bogan dreams can be fulfilled, by getting free stuff. Sure, they had to sign a few forms before being allowed to leave, but so what?

J.  Joining the army (not): Perhaps the most devoted bogan love is talking about joining the army. For there is nothing conceivably more maxtreme than talking about shooting an xtreme gun, in xtreme temperatures, in countries and terrain that it is xtremely unaware of . . . once its back recovers.

K.  Kids' names: Rather than actually bestowing their newborn with a genuinely one-of-a-kind name - or at least uncommon one - the bogan merely takes a common one, then misspells it. Ever met a Hayleigh? A Breeyanah? A Kayleb? These kids will be spelling out their names to all and sundry for the next 80 years.

L.  Literally: As in ''It was so hot yesterday, I was literally on fire'' or ''I literally died crossing the road this morning''.