Australian Politics Forum

aikmann4 Gold Member Offline Posts: 2093 canberra	Re: Joke time Reply #195 - Mar 31^st, 2010 at 9:52am North Korea: Not so bad? I mean this is certainly better than the highly commercialized pop-music that we listen to here.
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Sprintcyclist

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Re: Joke time
Reply #196 - May 10^th, 2010 at 10:33am

Australia Post created a new stamp displaying a picture of the current PM of Australia, Mr Rudd and has recently suspended a recall of the stamps as requested by the PM after a special commission enquiry finding.

http://t0.gstatic.com/imagesq=tbn:WyIs0jB-Y0YlyM:http://patterico.com/wp/wp-

The PM was told that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes and the enraged PM demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and spending of $1.73 million, a special commission presented the following findings:
1) The stamp is in perfect order.
2) There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

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mozzaok Gold Member Offline OzPolitic Posts: 6741 Melbourne Gender:	Re: Joke time Reply #197 - May 10^th, 2010 at 4:45pm Now if they can just make the sheets a little larger, sorbent could be onto a real winner.
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Paella Senior Member Offline OzPolitic Posts: 290	Re: Joke time Reply #198 - May 10^th, 2010 at 5:52pm Sprint, someone seems to have spat on the right side of the one in the picture. Oh, sorry. That's his face.
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aikmann4 Gold Member Offline Posts: 2093 canberra	Re: Joke time Reply #199 - May 11^th, 2010 at 8:17pm
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aikmann4 Gold Member Offline Posts: 2093 canberra	Re: Joke time Reply #200 - May 14^th, 2010 at 8:12pm Alf for prime minister.
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mozzaok Gold Member Offline OzPolitic Posts: 6741 Melbourne Gender:	Re: Joke time Reply #201 - May 26^th, 2010 at 10:48am I just thought this was cute.
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Sprintcyclist

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Re: Joke time
Reply #202 - May 31^st, 2010 at 9:22pm

There was a building being built beside a monastry.
One of the nuns was becoming distressed at the language coming from the workers, so she made a plan.

She went over there one lunch time with her lunch to share lunch with them.
They all sat down, the guys were a bit surprised and said nothing.
She gulped and stammerred " Does anyone here know jesus?"

"Nah"
"not me"
"never heard of him"

Silence

One guy yelled to someone on the floor above "Hey Joe, You know Jesus ?"

"NAH", came the yell back.

"Well, if you see him, tell him some shelias's got his lunch down here for him !"

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Re: Joke time
Reply #203 - Jun 17^th, 2010 at 3:33pm

Quote:

BRYAN DAWE: Your subject is the Rudd Government. Your time starts now. When did the Rudd Government come to power?

JOHN CLARKE: 1962.

BRYAN DAWE: No, 2007.

JOHN CLARKE: Quite recently.

BRYAN DAWE: Had was the under Government going to govern for?

JOHN CLARKE: For Australians working families.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. What are Australian working families?

JOHN CLARKE: Australian working families.

BRYAN DAWE: Yes. Who are they?

JOHN CLARKE: All Australian working families.

BRYAN DAWE: Yes, but what are you talking about?

JOHN CLARKE: This answer will benefit all Australian working families.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. Who has used the term "working Australian families" more than Kevin Rudd?

JOHN CLARKE: Julia Gillard.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct.

JOHN CLARKE: What is my score

JOHN CLARKE: Nambour High.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct.

BRYAN DAWE: Who is the Environment Minister?

JOHN CLARKE: Depends.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct
JOHN CLARKE: Who is the Indigenous Affairs Minister.

BRYAN DAWE: No idea

JOHN CLARKE: Knowledge correct.

BRYAN DAWE: Who is the broadcasting minister

JOHN CLARKE: Kerry Stokes.

BRYAN DAWE: No Stephen Convoy.

JOHN CLARKE: I hope Kerry Stokes has been made aware of that.

BRYAN DAWE: Yes, he okayed it. What is an internet filter?

JOHN CLARKE: Something that fails the filter the internet.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. What does the Rudd government do when something is in the too hard basket?. Commission as report.

BRYAN DAWE: Can you be more specific?

JOHN CLARKE: Commission as series of reports and gives them to John Faulkner.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. What was the purpose of the first home buyers scheme?

JOHN CLARKE: No, put house prices up.

BRYAN DAWE: No listen the question Percy. What was the purpose of the first home buyers scheme?

JOHN CLARKE: The opposite. To encourage young people to get into housing market.

BRYAN DAWE: Other than the language we normally hear from Kevin Rudd what other language does Kevin Rudd speak?

JOHN CLARKE: English.
BRYAN DAWE: Correct. What is the greatest moral challenge of our time?

JOHN CLARKE: Parking.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. What is the Rudd's government refugee policy?

JOHN CLARKE: Keep them out and let them in.
BRYAN DAWE: You have a surplus of whoops!

JOHN CLARKE: Really. I still have my house.

http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2010/s2898956.htm

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aikmann4 Gold Member Offline Posts: 2093 canberra	Re: Joke time Reply #204 - Jun 22^nd, 2010 at 7:05pm
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aikmann4 Gold Member Offline Posts: 2093 canberra	Re: Joke time Reply #205 - Jun 22^nd, 2010 at 7:08pm We haven't had any Shrek in a long time. We have not had the Shrek. This guy is a comedic genius.
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Lisa Jones Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 39047 Sydney Gender:	Re: Joke time Reply #206 - Jun 27^th, 2010 at 10:06pm Gawd .. thanks for the laughs guys lol )))
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At my desk.

The controversy over full-body scanners at the airport
Reply #207 - Jun 29^th, 2010 at 7:08pm

The controversy over full-body scanners at the airports...

Best idea I've heard of in years.

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports. Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.

It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this crap about racial profiling, and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. Case Closed!

This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now: you're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system,

"Attention standby passengers, we now have a seat available on flight number 397 to Atlanta".

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People who can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

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Re: Joke time
Reply #208 - Jun 30^th, 2010 at 12:18pm

A bloke has been in his local pub for a while off and on.
Another local there has been boasting about the twins he is bedding.
Sometimes one of the twins, sometimes another .

the guy is envious and sick about hearing of his drinking buddys sexual exploits.

"So, how do you know which twin it is you have in bed with you?", he asks .
"That's easy, the guys got a moustache", comes the reply.

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John S Gold Member Offline Fascist Party = Liberal Party Posts: 3691 Gender:	Re: Joke time Reply #209 - Jul 10^th, 2010 at 8:09pm Q. If you put a big condom on a big cck and a small condom on a small cck, What do you put on a soft c*ck? A. A NSW football jumper.
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