pure gold:

http://www.27bslash6.com/

Assalamu Alaikum!

Before coming to Islam I used to be a typical Western whore, that’s right, a slut!! I worked in a place where there were men and would wear short dresses, make up and clothing which revealed my arms and neck. I would even shake hands with the men and I dated my husband before we were married! I would go out of the house without my husband and even attend parties where alcohol was served and where men and women would mingle.

Recently my family and I have finally seen the light and heeded Allah’s call. I burned all my miniskirts, make up and books other than the Koran and poured the vintage wine and French perfume down the toilet. It nearly took all day to burn my collection of Cleo, Dolly and Cosmo magazines which date from the seventies.

We then rushed down to the nearest mosque and declared the Shahada. On the way back we stopped at a fabric wholesale outlet and I purchased 50 meters of thick, black fabric so that I can fully cover my offending body, face and hair in accordance to Allah’s law. I would not want to drive all the men in the neighborhood mad with desire and cause them to want to commit adultery!

All my son’s computer games, Pokemon cards and PS2 have also been burned, now he only watches Jihad videos, the ones showing the beheadings of the infidels are his favourites. We plan to sent him off to Saudi Arabia so that he can learn how to beat his wife correctly and be taught to recite the Koran in Arabic – so that Allah can understand him! He is thirteen years old, just the right age, any older and we would risk losing him to the Western decadent culture. We took our eleven year-old daughter out of school (luckily we got her out before they started the sex education classes) to marry her off to a good Muslim man – a mature man in the car export business with three other wives. That way she will be kept busy with household chores, yearly pregnancies and would be less likely to be corrupted by Western immorality. She will be getting her first period in her husband’s house – the way Allah intended.

My husband is on the lookout for three more wives so that ALL his needs will be fully catered for, while I am having my monthly pollution or recovering from the Koran-sanctioned beatings – sex can be awkward when your legs are in plaster and your jaws are held together with wires. He already approached the neighbors and asked if he could have their nine-year old daughter – that way he can guarantee that he will be getting a virgin, free from AIDS and be less likely to be tempted by Satan to commit adultery. Unfortunately the neighbors do not understand about Islam and have called the police, my husband is now under investigation. It’s terrible how the decadent Western society has no respect for the law of Allah and how Muslims are discriminated against when they want to practice their religion and culture. Satan is found everywhere: human rights conferences, refuges for battered wives, schools that teach evolution and sex education, police stations, video shops, nightclubs - just to name a few.

Two houses away from us live a family of unbelieving Vietnamese who persist with burning incense for their idols which are housed in a miniature shrine in their front veranda. We tried in vain to convince them to destroy those evil statues, one night we sent my son to sneak over and smash them up – the statues – he ended up being chased away by the husband who shouted insults at us in Vietnamese.

We have had enough of the intolerance, racism and persecution and are thinking of moving to Saudi Arabia, where Allah’s law reigns supreme and where we can live in total freedom!

Muslimah Jihadi

Not all Virgins in Heaven are Young...or even Women
By Bargis Tryhol   

Tehran, Iran - Suicide bombers around the globe woke up with a real big surprise today. No, it wasn't the sound of their vests exploding, but it was just as startling for them considering the ramifications.

The Grand Ayatollah in Iran acknowledged that the '72 Virgins' waiting in Heaven for the any departed suicide bombers who has chosen martyrdom are not always young! He also added with a grimace that they also aren't always girls!

In a secretly taped conversation, the Grand Ayatollah confessed why he never took up the mantle of martyrdom. He explained that he knew a very old and closely kept secret.

It was then he revealed the truth about Heaven and the '72 Virgin' myth. He also elaborated that some of the 'Soldiers of Islam' that met their end in martyrdom will have to compromise their sexuality once in Heaven, since there is a surplus of virgin men there too.

He added, 'Maybe the Great Prophet can mix them up so everyone gets a little of each!"

Charlie bit me

The Booze Bus



Two indigenous Australians were driving their old Ford Falcon in the outback recently, when off in the distance they saw a police "booze bus". 
Rather than trying to avoid it, the driver headed straight for it.
As they pulled up, the driver wound his window down and said 'G'day, brudder! Two cans of Emu Export, thanks!'
The copper glared at him and said 'You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this tube for me!'
The driver said 'Sorry boss, I can't blow in that... I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that.'
The cop smirked and said 'OK - In these cases, we require you to give a blood sample.'
'Nah, nah - sorry, boss,' replied the driver.  'Can't be doin' that. Got a letter from the Red Cross sayin' I'm a haemophiliac, and I could bleed to death if I gave a blood sample. Sorry, boss, can't do that!'

By now the copper was getting very irate, and so he demanded that the driver provide a urine sample for testing.
The driver shook his head and said 'Sorry boss, can't do that either.'
The copper protested 'Surely you haven't got a letter for that!!!'
'Bloody oath, mate!' says the driver, 'It's from Harry Connick Jr -  and he says that  you whitefellas can't take the piss out of  us blackfellas no more!'

During a Tax Department audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed...

... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Tax Office finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's accountant as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's accountant moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the accountant. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he was so clever, that he could come into your office and pee all over your desk, and you'd be happy about it.

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
Head with a frying pan.

'What was that for?',  the man asked.

The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

The wife replied - 'Your horse phoned'