The true story of 72 Islamic virgins- She (it) was the first.

Q How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing.

The following week they met up again to compare notes. Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!

The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask, ready for action.

When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?' 

Two old guys in their 70's are down at the beach. Their memories are beginning to go.

I'm going to get a coke, says one.

- Well if you're getting a drink, could you get me an icecream? - and don't forget the chocolate sauce this time. Write it down so you won't forget.

- I don't need to write it down. I can remember that easily.

So 10 minutes later he returns.

- here's your pie.

- What do you mean here's my pie? I told you to write it down.

You forgot didn't you?
I specifically asked you for ketchup.

How Arthur's life of celibacy started:

Arthur and Martha have been married for 25 years. The children have grown up, it was time to re-energise the marriage. They decided to attend a marriage enhancement and revitalisation seminar.

The speaker started out by talking about the need for each partner to know the little things that mattered to the other.
'For example, gents, do you know what your wife's favourite flower is?"

Arthur leant over to martha and whispered:

"It's self-raising, isn' it, dear?"








(Dedicated to lestat )

"The muslims democracy"



A raven sat on the fence post, a fat worm in it mouth.
The wiley hungry fox circled below, "Did you vote for mohammad?", he asked.
"HHHMMMMmmmm" muffled the raven, keeping her beak closed on the worm.
"Please tell me, I have to know."
"MMMMmhhhhrrrhhhhhhh", mumbled back the raven.
"Please, I need to know", then he played his trick, "i will be offended if you don't tell me."
"No, I did not !", blurted out the raven.
The worm fell into the foxes mouth.

The raven flew off disconsoletly. She mused to herself, "What difference would it have made whatever I said."

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of those cheap mood rings the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his bugger*ing forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.