Eric and Donny can pop over to Pete's Pentagon and tell him to buy a bunch of those fabbo robots we saw marching in DL's big, beautiful birthday parade.

What the hell am I gonna do with a whole heap of walking legs? Pete'll say.

Put on another parade, they'll say.

We're done with parades, Pete will say. The leftards will just put on another stupid protest. So unfair...

Look, Eric will say, we didn't want to tell you this, but the big guy's thinking of starting a new endless war. Make sure to keep this to yourself - it's highly classified.

So? Pete will say. That still leaves me with a pile of unused legs. Apart from parades, what am I supposed to do with them?

Get soldiers to sit on them when they're tired, Eric will say.

We've got troops carriers for that.

So? Get them to walk through streams to stop the soldiers getting their boots wet, Don will say. They're the latest thing. Everybody's using them.

Listen fellas, I know you've got a business to run, but I've got enough of these contraptions filling up the Pentagon. Laura Loomer came in last week with a batch of scented bombs, can you believe?

Did you buy them?

Of course! Can't you smell them?

I thought that was Pine O'Clean, Donny will say. You keep them in here?

Where the hell else am I supposed to put them? They're samples. She's telling me she'll have the whole lot ready by Fall. The way she's posting on her socials 24/7, I'm not so sure.

Look, Eric will say, we're prepared to offer you 10% off as an early bird discount, but you'll have to act quick. Chi-na's already shown interest.

I don't know...

Dad wants them out.

Alright! Sheesh, more heads I need, a shipment of walking legs I don't. But sure, if the big guy said...

We'll put in a good word with Dad, Don will say.

Yeah? While you're at it, tell him Laura's bomb idea stinks.

Oh, he knows. He chose the smell.

What? Alpine Fresh?

Yep, Don will say. They were talking about Greenland in the Oval Office. Little Marco said he'll need to win hearts and minds after he invades. Stephen Miller joked that they should use perfume bombs. Dad thought he was serious. Laura offered to get her company to manufacture them.

What company's that?

A media start-up, I think.

Actually, Pete will say, maybe it's not such a bad idea after all. You never know which technologies will take off. I mean, gunpowder - who'd have thought, right? Maybe this is a form of, I don't know...

Genius?

Exactly. Tell him I love Laura's bomb idea and I'll take as many of those pairs of walking legs as you've got.

That's the spirit, Don will say, giving Pete a high-five.

And make sure to tell him I bought all your walking legs - not Chi-na.

Oh, we will, Eric will say. I'll have the lawyers draw up a contract and get it over to Military Procurement. You know how it goes.

Yeah, I know, Pete'll reply. Money up front.

Right. Oh, maybe we forgot to say. The legs - they're used for clearing mines.

Really? I didn't know that.

Yep - me either. You learn something every day, right?

DRAIN THE SWAMP !!!