Australian Politics Forum

mothra Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 36060 Gender:	Dad Jokes Nov 25^th, 2023 at 6:31am What do you call a disappointing coffee? ... A depresso
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mothra Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 36060 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #1 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 6:32am What do you call a fish in a bowtie? ... Sophishticated.
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mothra Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 36060 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #2 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 6:33am Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? ... Because they're so good at it.
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #3 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:01am . . .they’re so good at it
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mothra Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 36060 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #4 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:03am Jovial Monk wrote on Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:01am: . . .they’re so good at it And so, so bad.
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Jasin Gold Member Offline Posts: 52770 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #5 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:06am WHO'S YA DADDY mothra?
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #6 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:13am If you were to look at the lack of support for you in the poll for Mod here would you conclude that shouting crap all over the board is your best strategy? Maybe post a bit less and try and put some thought into your posts?
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mothra Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 36060 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #7 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:15am How many apples can you grow on a tree? ... All of them
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #8 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:16am As long as the tree doesn’t have fireblight! {groan}
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mothra Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 36060 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #9 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:28am My dear old dad's favourite joke for years ... Why is a duck? ... Because one of it's legs is both the same. Then he moved on to this one ... told over and over again for years on end. He's still telling it (along with "i didn't get only one hair cut"): Why do fireman wear red braces? ... To keep their trousers up.
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mothra Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 36060 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #10 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:32am Why was the sand upset? ...Because the sea weed.
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Gordon Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 21133 Gordon Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #11 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:07am Why didn't the dog go to the beach? He couldn't find a barking spot. When the dog finally found a barking spot at the beach, why didn't he go for a swim? Because the ocean was too ruff. (Original from my 6yo who is starting dad jokes early)
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Gordon Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 21133 Gordon Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #12 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:08am What did the ice cream say to his grandpa who was drowning? Paddlepop
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Gordon Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 21133 Gordon Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #13 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:09am Why did the hippy drown? He was too far out.
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Gordon Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 21133 Gordon Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #14 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:10am What do you call a Spaniard with a prosthetic toe. Rubbertoe
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Gordon Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 21133 Gordon Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #15 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:11am What language does a Jewish Samoan speak? He Bru
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #16 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:29am I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: 'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again.
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #17 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:30am "My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, 'How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?' He winked at me and said, 'I'm off duty in ten minutes — meet me in the car park.'
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #18 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:32am "I asked my wife 'So, do you think the cup is half full or half empty?' And you know what she said? 'Please for the love of God, could you stop wearing my bras!'"
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #19 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:33am A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #20 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:33am LOL!
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #21 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:34am "Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...you need to let that mango."
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philperth2010

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Australian Politics

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Perth
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Re: Dad Jokes
Reply #22 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:43am

It was show and tell day at the local Primary School.
The teacher asks the class if they have anything to share.
Little Johnny shoots his hand up "I have a good story to tell teacher".
The teacher asked Johnny to share his story with the class.
"Well on the way to school today I saw a flat dog".
"That's terrible Little Johnny" exclaimed the teacher.
"It's all right there is a happy ending" replied Johnny.
"Another dog was pumping it up".

Wink

Credit to Gary Shannon 96fm.

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If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)

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Agnes.

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St Agness

Posts: 1248

Re: Dad Jokes
Reply #23 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:48pm

philperth2010 wrote on Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:43am:

It was show and tell day at the local Primary School.
The teacher asks the class if they have anything to share.
Little Johnny shoots his hand up "I have a good story to tell teacher".
The teacher asked Johnny to share his story with the class.
"Well on the way to school today I saw a flat dog".
"That's terrible Little Johnny" exclaimed the teacher.
"It's all right there is a happy ending" replied Johnny.
"Another dog was pumping it up".

Wink

Credit to Gary Shannon 96fm.

9

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Why Johnny Ringo, you look like someone just walked over your grave ~

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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #24 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:50pm Gnads wrote on Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:33am: A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
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Jasin Gold Member Offline Posts: 52770 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #25 - Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:04pm Son: "Dad." Father: "Yes son?" Son: "I'm Gay." Father: "That's ok son. We all make mistakes."
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #26 - Nov 26^th, 2023 at 12:27pm
Back to top	Picture0023.jpg (55 KB \| 10 ) "When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It's only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid." ~ Ricky Gervais IP Logged

Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #27 - Nov 26^th, 2023 at 12:38pm
Back to top	Picture0024.jpg (73 KB \| 8 ) "When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It's only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid." ~ Ricky Gervais IP Logged

philperth2010 Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 21057 Perth Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #28 - Nov 26^th, 2023 at 4:02pm A bloke is standing at the bar when the bartender asks him what he would like. The bloke replies "I can't find my glasses"? The bartender replies "Have you ever thought about contact lenses"? The bloke replies "Na mate, they don't hold enough beer".
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Super Nova Gold Member Offline Posts: 3081 Everywhere Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #29 - Nov 26^th, 2023 at 5:32pm What do you call a dog with a hair lip? Mark
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Sophia Gold Member Offline Posts: 8979	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #30 - Nov 26^th, 2023 at 8:41pm Gnads wrote on Nov 26^th, 2023 at 12:27pm: @ Mayo neighs
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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #31 - Nov 26^th, 2023 at 10:50pm How many apples in a bunch of grapes ?
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Dnarever Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 59991 Here Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #32 - Nov 30^th, 2023 at 9:52pm What do you call a dog that can do MAGIC? a labracadabrador.
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Sophia Gold Member Offline Posts: 8979	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #33 - Nov 30^th, 2023 at 10:42pm I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
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Sophia Gold Member Offline Posts: 8979	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #34 - Nov 30^th, 2023 at 10:43pm A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
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Sophia Gold Member Offline Posts: 8979	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #35 - Nov 30^th, 2023 at 10:44pm I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
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Sophia Gold Member Offline Posts: 8979	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #36 - Nov 30^th, 2023 at 10:45pm I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.
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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #37 - Dec 1^st, 2023 at 5:02pm Vet says to cat- how are you feline?
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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #38 - Dec 1^st, 2023 at 5:05pm Lazy baby kangaroo- is a pouch potatoeiiiiii
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #39 - Dec 1^st, 2023 at 5:49pm LOL keep them coming!
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Sir Grappler Truth Teller OAM Gold Member Online Australian Politics Posts: 87687 Always was always will be HOME Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #40 - Dec 1^st, 2023 at 6:46pm I tried snorting coke once - the bubbles got up the back of my nose...
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Setanta Gold Member Offline \/ Peace man! Posts: 16953 Northern NSW Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #41 - Dec 1^st, 2023 at 7:58pm Gordon wrote on Dec 1^st, 2023 at 7:07pm: Setanta wrote on Dec 1^st, 2023 at 6:38pm: Try protonmail. Protonmail is very good and I get a positive feeling from it, but neutronmail has no charge at all.
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Dnarever Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 59991 Here Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #42 - Dec 1^st, 2023 at 8:14pm When I am going to charge my phone I put up the "V" and say Hey Charger. It breaks the kids up and they have no idea what it means.
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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #43 - Dec 1^st, 2023 at 9:05pm Dnarever wrote on Dec 1^st, 2023 at 8:14pm: When I am going to charge my phone I put up the "V" and say Hey Charger. It breaks the kids up and they have no idea what it means. but they know what they are laughing at right? it is a bit funny.
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Dnarever

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Here
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Re: Dad Jokes
Reply #44 - Dec 1^st, 2023 at 9:12pm

Agnes. wrote on Dec 1^st, 2023 at 9:05pm:

Dnarever wrote on Dec 1^st, 2023 at 8:14pm:

When I am going to charge my phone I put up the "V" and say Hey Charger.

It breaks the kids up and they have no idea what it means.

but they know what they are laughing at right?
5

They get that it is a Dad joke. In fact sometime if I show the V they will just plug my phone into a charger. I once asked my Daughter what she was doing and she did the V.

One of the nephews gets into the act - He thinks it is hilarious to put up the 2 fingers and then pull one down.

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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #45 - Dec 1^st, 2023 at 11:09pm Setanta wrote on Dec 1^st, 2023 at 7:58pm: Gordon wrote on Dec 1^st, 2023 at 7:07pm: Setanta wrote on Dec 1^st, 2023 at 6:38pm: Try protonmail. Protonmail is very good and I get a positive feeling from it, but neutronmail has no charge at all. mmm kind of weird- I thought that as I was reading it elsewhere!!
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #46 - Dec 2^nd, 2023 at 5:38pm I told a joke at a Zoom meeting turns out I'm not even remotely funny.
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #47 - Dec 2^nd, 2023 at 5:40pm My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that makes your cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
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Jasin Gold Member Offline Posts: 52770 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #48 - Dec 2^nd, 2023 at 6:13pm Gnads wrote on Dec 2^nd, 2023 at 5:40pm: My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that makes your cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #49 - Dec 2^nd, 2023 at 8:06pm i I almost set up a mum thread but my mind went into reverse and I could not figure out how to post a pic as I fancied I needed one to get it started- so back to the beginning for me- maybe even further!
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Dnarever Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 59991 Here Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #50 - Dec 2^nd, 2023 at 9:22pm Gnads wrote on Dec 2^nd, 2023 at 5:40pm: My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that makes your cry. So I threw a coconut at his face. Very funny. Brought back the memory of me dropping a 30 pound Pumpkin on my foot. Definitely brought a tear or 20.
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #51 - Dec 3^rd, 2023 at 4:56am mothra wrote on Nov 25^th, 2023 at 7:32am: Why was the sand upset? ...Because the sea weed. I remember that one from primary school in the 1950s!
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #52 - Dec 3^rd, 2023 at 4:57am Dnarever wrote on Dec 2^nd, 2023 at 9:22pm: Gnads wrote on Dec 2^nd, 2023 at 5:40pm: My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that makes your cry. So I threw a coconut at his face. Very funny. Brought back the memory of me dropping a 30 pound Pumpkin on my foot. Definitely brought a tear or 20. OUCH!
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #53 - Dec 5^th, 2023 at 10:48am
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Sir Grappler Truth Teller OAM Gold Member Online Australian Politics Posts: 87687 Always was always will be HOME Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #54 - Dec 5^th, 2023 at 11:19pm Cheating here - can't remember any dad jokes...:- Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize? Because he was out standing in his field.
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Dnarever Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 59991 Here Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #55 - Dec 8^th, 2023 at 7:19pm Gnads wrote on Nov 25^th, 2023 at 8:29am: I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: 'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again. Reminds me of horror movies, I often wonder in this same situation why the producer and director never learn.
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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #56 - Dec 8^th, 2023 at 7:27pm Sir Grappler Truth Teller OAM wrote on Dec 5^th, 2023 at 11:19pm: Cheating here - can't remember any dad jokes...:- Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize? Because he was out standing in his field. that was bloody hawful holive!! lol.
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #57 - Dec 11^th, 2023 at 7:39am I once swallowed a book of synonyms It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #58 - Dec 11^th, 2023 at 8:07am {Groan}
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #59 - Dec 11^th, 2023 at 8:20am It is for "Dad" jokes is it not?
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #60 - Dec 11^th, 2023 at 8:30am And are you not expected to groan at them?
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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #61 - Dec 11^th, 2023 at 8:30am Gnads wrote on Dec 11^th, 2023 at 8:20am: It is for "Dad" jokes is it not? That it is gnads...
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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #62 - Dec 11^th, 2023 at 8:31am calm the farm ok?
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Agnes. Gold Member Offline St Agness Posts: 1248	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #63 - Dec 11^th, 2023 at 8:32am Jovial Monk wrote on Dec 11^th, 2023 at 8:30am: And are you not expected to groan at them? dad jokes have that effect on some of us- sometimes
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #64 - Dec 11^th, 2023 at 10:43am Jovial Monk wrote on Dec 11^th, 2023 at 8:30am: And are you not expected to groan at them? Yeah some are dead set groaners I tried to get ones that are just above the groan
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #65 - Dec 12^th, 2023 at 9:35am Will glass coffins ever be a success???? Remains to be seen.
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Gnads Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 31417 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #66 - Dec 13^th, 2023 at 9:33am How do you get a country girls attention? A tractor.
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Sir Grappler Truth Teller OAM Gold Member Online Australian Politics Posts: 87687 Always was always will be HOME Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #67 - Dec 20^th, 2023 at 10:49pm Why don't ants have balls? 'Cause they can't dance.... What have you got if you've got a cricket ball in each hand and a metre apart? One bloody big cricket.... GROOOOOAN ............... I do declare said the Deep Southern cricket captain...
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Jasin Gold Member Offline Posts: 52770 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #68 - Dec 20^th, 2023 at 10:51pm Mothra has Daddy issues.
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Sir Grappler Truth Teller OAM

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Australian Politics

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Always was always will be HOME
Gender: male

Re: Dad Jokes
Reply #69 - Dec 20^th, 2023 at 11:16pm

Jasin wrote on Dec 20^th, 2023 at 10:51pm:

Mothra has Daddy issues. Cheesy

Hshe does - oh, hshe does... and lives in a place where you have to make peace with the local Aborigines if you want to survive.... what a choice of lifestyle - or maybe forced on shim/hir (don't really know if hshe is Arthur or Martha - don't care much, either) ..... we live bush and we don't have that problem.... even our Whites are mostly tame .... mostly .... get a few druggos in town occasionally ... one beat up on an old guy for his car parking style and copped a hiding from a local young bloke built like the proverbial...

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“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”
― John Adams

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Captain Nemo Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 12215 Melbourne Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #70 - Feb 2^nd, 2024 at 8:23am Not quite a Dad Joke but a funny:
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Agnes.. Senior Member Offline Porco Rosso Posts: 457 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #71 - Feb 4^th, 2024 at 7:44pm Yes a beer will do it!!!!
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Jovial Monk Gold Member Online Dogs not cats! Posts: 49242 Gender:	Re: Dad Jokes Reply #72 - Feb 4^th, 2024 at 8:11pm Ask JohnSmith what he offered to give his wife at her first delivert.
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