They walk amongst us...

A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge (still working),
he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!

They walk amongst us!
*************************************
One day I was walking down the beach with
Some friends when someone shouted.....
"Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and said..."Where?"

They walk among us!
**************************************
While looking at a house, my brother asked the
Real Estate agent which direction was north because
he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east
and has for some time. She shook her head and said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'

They Walk Among Us!
***************************************
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,
when we overheard an admin girl talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said
she "didn't think she'd get sunburned
because the car was moving."

They Walk Among Us!
***************************************
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
Which is designed to cut through a seat belt
If she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.

They Walk Among Us!
****************************************
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry
because she was a trained professional and
said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

They Walk Among Us!
***************************************
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook
asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time,
then said "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
Enough to eat 6 pieces.”

They Walk Among Us!
***************************************
And last, but not least:
Dumb as a box of Rocks
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a prominent politician happened to appear. He took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' he asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'
'What sort of question?' he asked.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
He thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
Sadly, they walk among us! And, MORE sadly, hold high offices!!!
*****************************************

Traffic Camera
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for Driving without a seat belt!!!

Ignore the idiot nef.

He hates it when people start making fun of him.

Ask him a question and see how long he takes to answer.
Unlike bwyannnnnnnn, he can't even use Dr Google, so it may take a few weeks.

Jovial Monk wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 7:55pm:


Dear oh dear,
Pooves?

Not quite with it tonight are we.

Better get back into the sewer pipe, you are getting tired.

Jovial Monk wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 7:57pm:
I bet hes over there bragging about his alleged martial arts skills. What an absolute wanker he is.

Bobby. wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 8:04pm:



It's not worth the effort
But it's a good time waster watching it try to be smart, without the synapses to accomplish the task.

And of course the big stupid one horned one will jump at any chance to have a go.
I must frighten him too much, or he simply feels threatened by those superior to him.
A rather large group in fact.

These trolls have nothing of worth to offer.
Simply trolling and using pathetic one line insults.

In real life these losers are pussies.
Weak, pathetic and have no life.

I have done more, been more, seen more and are still better than any of them.

They fear to tell anything of themselves, knowing it's so pathetic.

I am a qualified tradesman
A qualified engineer
I hold two management diplomas and several other mechanical related qualifications.
I have been a manager for over 25 years and have been head hunted 3 times for my skills.

I hold a shodan level in martial arts and was a sensei for several years.
In my engineering field I travelled the world, seeing many countries and experiencing many cultures.
I volunteer for a well know rescue organisation, have done so for many years and hold several qualifications in this organisation.

I own everything I have, owe no one any money and have retired 7 years before the grubberment mandate, living on my super at the moment.

My home, my family and my life have been good and I am well liked by my peers and friends.

If any of you troll can better me, go for it.
But I seriously doubt that you can ever even achieve half of what I have.

Now trolls,

Tell me about yourselves, IF YOU DARE.

Interesting what triggers Monk these days.

Which one did you think was about you JM?

Please drop the use of “triggered” FD, you clearly have no idea what it means.

Use the time saved to put the nice new icon on my board and change the name dropping all reference to damn cats!

Are you drunk, FD?

Valkie wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 8:39pm:

frighten me?  you, a martial artist who doesnt know what a choke hold is.  3 seconds, and Im not talking about your love life. 

Monk,

Since you referenced me again in Aussie's Dump, I shall ask you a simple question.

Please respond with a simple Yes or No.

Have you ever had sex with a woman, by woman I mean one that was born a woman female?


Depending on how you answer, this may explain a lot.

Jovial Monk wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 9:42pm:


You did a few days ago.

You go look.

Answer the question please.

Jovial Monk wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 9:59pm:


Funny how in all these years you have shared so much personal information but never once mentioned a women in your life except your Mum.

So have you ever had sex with a woman? Even if you paid for it, that is OK too and counts.

I feel like Im in high school watching the weak kid get bullied. No wonder I dislike people.

Jovial Monk wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 7:57pm:


Monk has been carrying on about PA "dying" for a decade or more. He needs to take a look at his own shitterblog.

Super Nova wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 11:58pm:



Monk can't help the way he is.

Jovial Monk wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 7:55pm:


Bloody poofs and lesos - sign of the end of times... love an orgy inside Parliament - YTF are they there at all when they carry on like queens?  Typical of any broken mentality - always wanting to seek power over others - the only way they can feel secure in their own living nightmare.... just like feminists...

We Don't Want Them There!

Super Nova wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 9:41pm:


With those rotten teeth?  I doubt any female would look at him, less alone do whatever.  He has a head that only a mother could love. 

Gordon wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 9:39pm:



When confronted with the truth and he has nothing....he goes for insults and stupid statements.

Unfortunately for him, he hasn't the cerebral capacity to duke it out with anyone above an IQ of 70.

Which means he simply looks the fool.

One thing though, he obviously isn't a sock of a certain person, because like or loath that person, he is infinitely smarter than the mad monk.

Neferti wrote on Apr 7^th, 2021 at 6:02pm:


GOLD.........you ad me ROFLing..........

The_Barnacle wrote on Apr 17^th, 2021 at 11:29am:



..... and they VOTE! 

They Walk Among Us!

IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems
was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it’s not.' Four is larger than two'.

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township a administrative office
to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by
cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman, KS

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City!

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth
are blind people doing driving?!' She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker (she was leaving the
company due to 'downsizing'), our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is
fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all
just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and
for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not
turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the
technician, 'it's open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi

STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they can breed!!!

Valkie wrote on Apr 8^th, 2021 at 7:48am:

lol

I went to an auto wreckers to get a part for my car. I was with my father at the time. The part we needed was for a car manufactured in the 1980s. The attendant told us that the section for the type of car we want was in the yard a certain distance away. We went to the area and had a quick look at the older cars of similar make and model. Then we turned to see a car that was reasonably similar to the car I drove. Dad thought that the car looked fairly recent in terms of it being put there. He thought the possibility of getting the part was highly likely. But the doors were locked. He thought that we would have to go back to the wrecker store and get the keys to access and open the bonnet. I pulled out my car keys just to test the idea of being able to get into this car in some kind of luck of having similar keys. The door unlocked no problem. Dad just stood there for a second and then scoffed at the new knowledge he had acquired. Apparently, some cars were made where door locks had the same key combination.

A co-worker told me that this make of car was the most frequently stolen type of car in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Atleast until the makers woke up to their mistake.

I'm old - I can only take you down hard and hurt you terribly to ensure my own security.

If I don't - I am a statistic....

Learning to ride a bike without actually getting on one? I actually learned how to drive a car before getting into the driver's seat. The only difference between the several years of observational learning and the actual driving part was the experience. You perfect the art of driving a car within a year.

I can be quite okay with saying that martial arts can help with learning how to block, stance, kicks and strikes. But if some bodybuilder guy on steroids and other drugs comes up to you ready to beat the crap out of you, I think the best type of training would be instinctual.

An army veteran, probably only in his mid-40s now, but late 30s when it happened, got into a minor argument with me about some schitt beyond my control. And because "soldier guy" was not in the mood to entertain an argument, he decided to grab me and put me in what I guess is called an arm bar. Not well versed in what to do or how to get out of the hold, I had to lay there waiting for him to give up, even doing the "tap out" and telling him "okay, enough". His comrade watching this happen, just told me that the guy was pissed off enough that he was not going to stop. He then suggested that the only way out was to roll. I did just that and got out of the hold.

The only difference between then and now for that situation is that I am now 20kg heavier than I was at the time. If he pulled that stunt again, I would likely not be able to get out of the hold, save for a good rush of adrenaline. Had soldier boy decided to do that against a powerlifter, I doubt soldier boy would have been a match for the gym junkie.

The point being, you can learn all the kicks and strikes and stances and blocks you want. They will be useful. But if the guy has other fighting techniques (especially street fighting) or can out muscle you, your best option is to flee. Nothing wrong with learning that advice from books, the internet, and tv.

Even the greatest of drivers would be in trouble if their tyre blew out or they hit an oil slick.

UnSubRocky wrote on Apr 24^th, 2021 at 1:19am:


If you have to stop and think about what the books say, you're already dead meat. Winning fights is about instinctually reacting and reflexes. The best way to do that is to practice, practice practice. You stop practicing, you lose your reflex.

UnSubRocky wrote on Apr 24^th, 2021 at 3:31pm:



no, most of my self defense learning has come from practice practice practice ... every time I've stopped to think about how I was doing it, or what the book said to do, i had already lost.

John Smith wrote on Apr 24^th, 2021 at 3:39pm:



Exactly what Im trying to say.

You defend on auto-pilot and attack through planning.

If you waste all your energy defending, you are simply a target.

If you attack with a plan, your opponent hasn't time to attack, he defends.

Most fighters who win have a series of moves, only one is the actual attack.
The rest are to distract or open up their defenses.
A back hand strike to the head, followed with a strike or kick to a different part of the body is sometimes effective.

But several fast, incomplete attacks to the head and body, while putting your opponent off foot, by changing direction, opens several Ippon score points instead of a Wazari.

But street fighting is vastly different.
There are no "Illegal" strikes, so groin kicks, attacks to the knees, throat or neck strikes or organ strikes are all available.

But again simplicity is the best course of action.
A side kick delivered to the opponents knee (the one he is moving forward to) is a safe attack.
If he has a weapon the best he can do is cut the outer muscle on the thigh, you body is angled away from him.
His knee however does not appreciate being stomped on and bent backward.
A round house kick to the side of a knee is almost as effective, with fairly permanent ACL damage the result.

In either case, he no can chase you and will probably lose interest due to the severe pain.

If he moves in, get that elbow up where it can do the most damage, while protecting yourself from head butts.
Use his groin as a discouragement, kick, knife hand strike if attacked from behind or even grab a handful and crush them with maximum aggression.

Don't let go until you have a finishing touch in preparation, because he wont give you a second chance.
Knee in his face, elbow to the back of his head etc.

Them make like a muzzo and run.

It is not a matter of wasting your energy on defending yourself. It is a matter of letting the attacker waste theirs. Then you can stop the fight one way or another.

Ah, Centuwian - how quickly things descend into wibald wivalwy ...

Into what, sir?

Wibald wivalwy.

Right next to Penn-Y-Fann, sir... just a short bus trip...

rhino wrote on Apr 29^th, 2021 at 1:44am:


Have you worked up the corage to tell us all of your limited qualifications and what you have done with your life.

Or are you still too ashamed????

Keep trying, you may one day grow some.

rhino wrote on Apr 29^th, 2021 at 10:28am:


Pot....kettle....black.

Coward, I dispute your intelligence.
You are the keyboard warrior too afraid to put up or shut up.

I've given you my qualifications.
But I guess you have none, so who cares.

Neferti wrote on Apr 30^th, 2021 at 12:05pm:


Salt, tequila, bite a lemon....