z
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I know that participants in this forum enjoy extended discussion, even disputation, perhaps even argument. I'm therefore loath to suggest something that might foreclose much of that.
Nonetheless. The BEST way to survive in today's society is to DECLARE YOURSELF A VICTIM. I'm unemployed - PLEEZ HELP ME! This has created entire "public service" departments DEVOTED to the cause. I'm an unmarried mother - AND a virgin. PLEEZ HELP ME! I'm ...
To understand how this works, the best way is probably to explain that the quickest way to gain public recognition and adulation in modern Australian society is to f..k a five-year-old. Of course, you'll be arrested (employment for the police). You'll then be arraigned in front of a court (employment for judges and lawyers) and sentenced to imprisonment (employment for warders, jailers, and the entire FOR-PROFIT prison system that Oz pollies have imported from the USA).
And don't forget the newspapers, TV "news" shows, Q&A, This Day Tonite, etc etc. Massive employment, big increases in ratings ("WHY did he/she DO IT??"), and on and on and on ...
You'll be compelled to undergo psychiatric examination (employment for psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers), medical diagnosis (employment for medical technicians, pathology labs etc.), a course of drugs (huge profits for the TransNational Drug Companies) and, of course, remedial therapy (employment for a whole range of bleeding hearts).
This will take several years, during which time you'll be provided with free meals and accommodation, generous medication of whatever takes your fancy (opioids are VERY much in favour these days - VERY trippy and easy to get prescribed), regular counselling, and FREE INTERNET ACCESS.
This is the key to your future!!! If you're canny (and what child rapist isn't?) you can set up a Facebook page bleating tearfully and EMOTIONALLY about what drove you to commit this despicable act, the torment you've suffered for many years about your HIDDEN DESIRES (key phrase), the desperation that drove you to DO IT, and the GUILT (top marks!) you've suffered since.
Once the medicos have decided that you're fit to re-enter society (Oh no! That's what I was trying to escape!) you'll be released under strict conditions.
At this point you have a choice. If you're handy with a computer keyboard, you can write your memoir/confession, get it published, and spend the next ten years promoting it at church gatherings (you'll already have become a "born again Christian" - but NOT like George Pell), on morning TV talk shows, at youth camps, primary school information sessions, high school seminars, and the like. This could last a decade, more if you strike it lucky with other "victims" and collaborate.
If you're not, or when the money runs out, you can just f..k another five-year-old and get back in the queue.
Or, if you've pumped up on steroids, join an AFL/NRL club and f..k the lot of them.
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