“I don’t need female empowerment, because I’m not weak!”

“I’m not a feminist because I don’t hate men.”

“I don’t need feminism. I actually like cooking for my husband.”

I used to agree with a lot of statements like this. I thought feminists were only doing harm to themselves and others, and I proudly proclaimed that I was not a feminist.

What changed my mind was learning that a lot of what I thought feminists believed was false – including the idea that gender oppression only affects women. Some of it was just myth, things that anti-feminists said feminists believed. Some of it was taking the words of one or two feminists and assuming they spoke for the whole.

Nobody can speak for all of feminism, including me – and I especially can’t speak for how a/gender minorities besides cis women experience feminism. But I did learn over time, through getting to know more people who identified as feminists, that the things I thought were basic and fundamental to feminism were exaggerations, or belonged only to some more fringe groups.

One of the biggest misconceptions about feminism is that it’s a movement for women, by women, and made up of women in opposition of men. In truth, not only should feminism should benefit everyone, as it works to dismantle all systems of oppression, but it shouldn’t be based on this binary gender thinking in the first place. Not only men and women exist, and they’re not opposites in a binary.

But a lot of the ways in which anti-feminists conceptualize feminism is based on this untruth about women versus men. And in order to address those specific misconceptions, I’m going to speak from that place. Non-binary people may recognize themselves in these experiences as well, but those experiences (especially insofar as erasure is concerned) are unique, and I’m not qualified to speak on them.

I’m not here to say that all women should call themselves feminist. There are good reasons not to, including the ways feminism has failed to be intersectional and meet the needs of people of color, trans and gender non-confirming people, and others.

But if you are anti-feminist and agree with some of the quotes that I started this article with, I’d ask you to read on and consider that the truth about feminism might be more complicated.

1. ‘Feminists Are Just Playing the Victim’

“Sure, sexism used to be a problem. But now women have reached equality: We can vote, we have the same access to jobs and education as men, we’re allowed to dress how we want, and are considered equal partners in relationships. Western feminists are just whining, nit-picking, and enjoying feeling victimized instead of appreciating the freedoms we have.”

There’s a lot of truth in this argument: Women have come a long way, baby.

As a woman, I’d rather live here and now than almost any other point in history. And I’m not denying the struggles that many girls and women around the world face, or claiming that mine are equal to theirs.

But it’s not true to say that sexism is dead. We may have slain the giant dragon of institutional sexism, which insisted that women fill an inferior role in the world, but there is still a hornet’s nest of sexist culture that lives on.

And while I’d rather be stung by a dozen hornets than be eaten by a dragon, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have a right to complain about the stings.

When I’m in a professional meeting with men, I often have to fight to get my voice heard – and if I talk as much or as confidently as the men do, I may get labeled “bossy” or “shrill.” When I leave the house, strangers feel free to comment on my body, which makes me feel unsafe and exposed. Men I meet tend to evaluate me first as a sexual object, and only second (or never) as a competent or interesting human.

These things make a difference.

They don’t make it impossible for me to have a good job, to go about my day, and to have the kinds of relationships I want, but they do make it harder. Any one thing by itself would be no big deal, but in time they add up.

Just like you can brush off one hornet sting, but if you got stung every day, multiple times a day, all over your body, you might start to get really, really bothered by it.

Now, when I talk about the ways sexism hurts me, I’m not whining or making things up. I don’t think of myself as a victim, and I don’t actually enjoy complaining. I’m also not saying I’m not glad I have the freedom to vote, to apply for any job I want, and to be viewed as a full legal human.

I’m just saying that I’m still hurt by sexism, and that I want the world to be better for myself and other women.

4. ‘Feminism Means Rejecting Traditional Gender Roles’

“Feminism is for women who want careers, who don’t like makeup and shopping, who want to be the boss in their relationships. Women who like being homemakers, being traditionally feminine, and having their partners take the lead don’t need feminism – and feminism often looks down on those women.”

It’s true that feminist movements tend to be headed by people who don’t feel the status quo suits them. It’s also true that some feminists look down on conventional ways of being feminine – and that’s a problem.

There’s a thing we call “femmephobia,” which is the attitude that anything traditionally associated with women is inferior.

It’s the reason keeping up a home and taking care of children isn’t viewed as a “real job.” It’s the reason books, movies, and music that tend to be enjoyed more by women are seen as fluff.

People all over the gender and political spectrums can fall into femmephobia. Sometimes feminists do a good job of questioning why “girl stuff” is considered less valuable and worthwhile, and sometimes we fall into the trap of looking down on it.

What’s important to me, as a feminist, is not steering clear of traditional femininity. It’s getting rid of the assumption that women should be feminine and men should be masculine.

There are definitely some people that do fit very comfortably into the roles their culture put them in, and that’s great for them! Obviously, there are also plenty of people who don’t.

Housekeeping and childrearing are skills just like any other, and some people – of any gender – find that work interesting and rewarding (I’m one of them!).

I want to see a world where those skills are considered valuable for anyone who wants to pursue them. I also want to see a world where makeup, fashion, and beauty are respected as the arts they are.

Even submissive or “follower” relationship roles, which might seem at first glance to be obviously an inferior position, aren’t necessarily so. Many people feel happiest and most comfortable playing first mate to someone else’s captain, and doing that well is a relationship skill all its own.

I’d like to see a world where people are free to find the balance of leader/follower dynamics that work best for them, whatever their gender.

Feminism isn’t about flipping the script of gender roles, where women are powerful and in charge and men are submissive. Feminism is about increasing the freedom we all have to find the roles that fit us best.

***

Changing my view of what feminism meant was a little scary for me – it was comforting to tell myself that women had achieved equality, and that any issues I might experience with sexism were just isolated, one-off events.

Eventually it became clear to me that that just wasn’t true. All the little moments of sexism I experienced were connected, and other women faced more intense and constant discrimination that came from the same source.

We still had a steeper hill to climb than men – and while I didn’t want to believe that at first, in the end, I found it a source of strength.

I don’t like or agree with every feminist, but I find strength in the fact that we have experienced some of the same struggles, and are still working and succeeding. When I get tired and frustrated, there’s a whole community of other feminists to support and encourage me.

Most importantly, I find strength in knowing we’re committed to making the world a better, easier place for each other and the women that come after us.



http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/12/anti-feminist-women/?utm_content=buffer5f17d...

So long as it doesn't require men to do chick work, then what ever cheeses their cracker.

mothra wrote on Jul 26^th, 2017 at 1:21pm:



Housework, Id rather just pay someone to do that

Any sort of service type job, traditionally done by women


But as far as women doing what ever they want, couldn't care less, just do not want expectations that I would do chick work, ever.


If that was a requirement of feminism, then No

bogarde73 wrote on Jul 26^th, 2017 at 1:31pm:


You'd be, as usual, quite wrong.

There has always been division and heated debate within feminism. Nothing has changed.

Normal women dont want to look like cupid stunts like the author of this thread.

1. Non-feminist women don't want to be associated with hairy-armpitted land whales.
2. Non-feminist women have compassion for the specific problems men have and demand compassion in kind.
3. Non-feminist women refuse to be indoctrinated by the same victim industry that gave us pansexuals, antifa and Gilian Triggs.
4. Non-feminist women believe that the quality of their lives depends on their drive and  dedication just as hard-working men do.
Hope that helps.

mothra wrote on Jul 26^th, 2017 at 4:39pm:
Feminism is boring to me. It's like the abos. It goes on year after year with no end. Get over it.

I would suggest that your understanding of feminism is as sophisticated as your understanding of Aboriginal affairs.

That is, not very and based on misinformation and prejudice.

And yet, here you are.

Mr Hammer wrote on Jul 26^th, 2017 at 5:29pm:


Yes. Feminism represents men too. You'd know that, had you read the article.

Feminism strives to combat all oppression and inequality.

Miketrees, evidencing, as he does with regularity, that he has absolutely no idea at all.

Mr Hammer wrote on Jul 26^th, 2017 at 5:36pm:



"Misinformation and prejudice".

mothra wrote on Jul 26^th, 2017 at 12:33pm:


Could you please break it all down into a few digestible sentences?

Thank you.

Feminist women should start being first class ladies instead of trying to be second class men...............

Actually, this thread only serves as a reminder of how flaky you are. Mothballs, meet Coppernet elephant by train.

I glossed over the article. I'm not threatened by feminism at all. It's just another redundant ideology that does'nt have much place in 2017 Australia. Muslim countries on the other hand...

mothra wrote on Jul 26^th, 2017 at 5:31pm:



I most definitely do not need a bunch of feminist representing me. I happen to pride myself on my ability to not need a bunch of idiot socialists telling me how much I need them or to be like them.


Look after yourselves if you want, but keep me the fkk out of it.

When talking about Feminism, it's important to make two distinction. First, there's a new movement called 'Third Wave Feminism' - this is what many anti-feminists don't like. Third-wave Feminism is associated with man-hating and misandry.

The Feminism you're referring to, and the one on which most men would support is Second-wave Feminism, which removed all those institutional prejudices and structures that affected women negatively; and also replaced (rightly so) the sterotypical role of women as 'homemakers'.

Regarding the individual day-to-day sexism, there's no doubt that happens and that's unacceptable. I have never personally cat-called a woman, and never have I commented inappropriately to a female who was a stranger to me.

Auggie wrote on Jul 27^th, 2017 at 7:22pm:



I would like to see Aquascoot go medieval on your sorry beta male arse, pal. 



When are the fourth and fifths and Nth wave of feminism coming along?   Nothing dates like the latest wave of feminism, to paraphrase Chesterton.

Auggie wrote on Jul 27^th, 2017 at 7:30pm:



Yeah, sure.

Postmodern Trendoid III wrote on Jul 28^th, 2017 at 7:25pm:


No. It most certainly hasn't.

The case of the poor young man gang-raped, filmed and publicly humiliated being only cosequenced with 6 month and suspended sentences is very much a feminist issue.

Why are men who made to weaker by assault worth less justice than a woman or child who is mad weaker by assault?

Why are men not outraged by this?

Feminists are.

mothra wrote on Jul 28^th, 2017 at 10:38pm:



Humanism combats all oppression and inequality.Feminism combats the oppression and inequality of women.

Which one is the subsection of the other? Which one combats all oppression and which only of one of the sexes?

Yes, go ahead, make an even bigger fool of yourself.

mothra wrote on Jul 29^th, 2017 at 5:26pm:



You are confusing rationalism with humanism and adding a little stupidity of your own: "more important than any of the gods or superstitions". what do you call the school of thought where the gods and superstitions are declared to be more important than humans?

I knew you'd have no idea.

mothra wrote on Jul 29^th, 2017 at 6:13pm:



Wikipedia, eh?

Humanism is a new focus, a new curiosity, a new valuation, not a reaction (like you and your feminism) to resented 'establishments'. As the very word indicates, it "seeks to account for the specificity, uniqueness and dignity of human life".

It encompasses the human dignity of men and women and is a much larger, richer and more fruitful way to look at the world than feminism which is, like all the other reactionary ideologies, is set up in opposition to The Man. Feminism, like communism, fascism, Islam, the men's movement, gay liberation, etc, etc, is based on and motivated by rancour and resentment.

Humanism is not, yet it does speak for the dignity of even the rancorous and resentful. That's why it is bigger and better than feminism and all the others.

mothra wrote on Jul 29^th, 2017 at 6:32pm:



Humour me, go on. What did you misunderstand this time?

If they both have the same objectives, why don't women just practice humanism?

mothra wrote on Jul 30^th, 2017 at 4:01am:

Humanism is about humans. Feminism is about females - not the rest of humanity.

I am not surprised that such an obvious distinction has escaped you, critical non-thinker.

mothra wrote on Jul 28^th, 2017 at 10:29pm:


No it isn't. It's a law and order issue and an example of crappy sentencing.

If a woman wants to hook a man she's got to do it early. If she's young and banging on about feminism good chances she'll end up alone. Blokes lose interest in woman as their testosterone decreases. If a woman is single and in her 30's or 40's finding a bloke would be hard. Blokes are firing in their teens and just aren't as eager in that age group. If a bloke has made it into his 30's or 40's single I doubt he's ever going to change. Feminism needed to happen but it's really affected population growth in the western world. It's definitely linked to why people are having less children.

mothra wrote on Jul 26^th, 2017 at 12:30pm:



"Men CAN'T Control Cr@zy W0men!!" Sane women will have to do something about the insane women. Petersen talking to Paglia (the most erudite woman writing today)

Annie Anthrax wrote on Dec 8^th, 2017 at 7:52pm:


No point moving from a tried and true method then. Although that begs the question... What are you doing here having your say?

edit: The point I'm trying to make is, is your statement the current state of affairs or are you living in the past? Is it current or just a historical statement? Are you angry at history or the world you live in?

This Topic was moved here from Women's Issues by freediver.