Forum

 
  Back to OzPolitic.com   Welcome, Guest. Please Login or Register
  Forum Home Album HelpSearch Recent Rules LoginRegister  
 

Page Index Toggle Pages: 1
Send Topic Print
Joke of the day (Read 821 times)
Ajax
Gold Member
*****
Offline


CO2 has never controlled
temperature on Earth

Posts: 10952
Australia
Gender: male
Joke of the day
May 28th, 2017 at 5:16pm
 
A middle aged woman named Shirley wakes up one morning and goes to work where she suffers a heart attack.

The ambulance comes and takes her to hospital and the doctors with no time to waste start working on her triple by-pass operation.

While she’s in the theatre she has an out of body experience she floats to the top of the room and sees herself on the operating table having surgery.

Then she looks up and sees a tunnel with a light at the end, she sighs with a sad voice oh God am I dead.

Then she hears a heavenly voice say to her, don’t worry Shirley you still have 33 years to live, with that she wakes up in her hospital bed, she recovers and sets about improving her appearance she now knows she has 33 years to live.

She gets liposuction, breast implants a face lift and so on.

Just after completing all the cosmetic improvements, one day as Shirley is crossing the road she gets hit by a bus and is killed.

As soon as she arrives in heaven she confronts God and says, didn’t you tell me I had 33 years to live.

God exclaims: Why Shirley is that you, I didn’t recognise you…!
Back to top
« Last Edit: May 28th, 2017 at 5:51pm by Ajax »  

1. There has never been a more serious assault on our standard of living than Anthropogenic Global Warming..Ajax
2. "One hour of freedom is worth more than 40 years of slavery &  prison" Regas Feraeos
 
IP Logged
 
cods
Gold Member
*****
Offline


Australian Politics

Posts: 88048
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #1 - May 28th, 2017 at 5:26pm
 
Grin Grin Grin Grin

very funny...
Back to top
 
 
IP Logged
 
UnSubRocky
Gold Member
*****
Online


Australian Legend

Posts: 21664
Rockhampton, Q
Gender: male
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #2 - May 29th, 2017 at 1:12am
 
I think the 30th anniversary of me hearing that joke is coming up.
Back to top
« Last Edit: May 29th, 2017 at 3:33pm by UnSubRocky »  
 
IP Logged
 
cods
Gold Member
*****
Offline


Australian Politics

Posts: 88048
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #3 - May 29th, 2017 at 7:27am
 
what a  sook... Tongue
Back to top
 
 
IP Logged
 
Its time
Gold Member
*****
Offline


Boot libs out

Posts: 25639
Gender: female
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #4 - May 29th, 2017 at 3:13pm
 
UnSubRocky wrote on May 29th, 2017 at 1:12am:
I think the 30th anniversary of me hearing that jokes is coming up.


Last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur
Back to top
 
 
IP Logged
 
UnSubRocky
Gold Member
*****
Online


Australian Legend

Posts: 21664
Rockhampton, Q
Gender: male
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #5 - May 29th, 2017 at 9:43pm
 
.
Back to top
« Last Edit: May 30th, 2017 at 2:14am by UnSubRocky »  
 
IP Logged
 
Ajax
Gold Member
*****
Offline


CO2 has never controlled
temperature on Earth

Posts: 10952
Australia
Gender: male
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #6 - Jun 25th, 2017 at 4:32pm
 
Woman:  Doctor Doctor, my vaginas been growling "carn the blues"

Doctor: Yeah, lots of cants are saying the same thing.
Back to top
 

1. There has never been a more serious assault on our standard of living than Anthropogenic Global Warming..Ajax
2. "One hour of freedom is worth more than 40 years of slavery &  prison" Regas Feraeos
 
IP Logged
 
Ajax
Gold Member
*****
Offline


CO2 has never controlled
temperature on Earth

Posts: 10952
Australia
Gender: male
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #7 - Jun 25th, 2017 at 4:49pm
 
Went to see my doctor the other day, at the request of my wife.

He was away and a beautiful female doctor replaced him.

After she came in the room and saw that I was a bit hesitant to tell her my problem, she reassured me that no matter the problem she would check it out in full.

So relunctantly I told her,

My wife thinks my penis tastes funny............???

Back to top
 

1. There has never been a more serious assault on our standard of living than Anthropogenic Global Warming..Ajax
2. "One hour of freedom is worth more than 40 years of slavery &  prison" Regas Feraeos
 
IP Logged
 
Ajax
Gold Member
*****
Offline


CO2 has never controlled
temperature on Earth

Posts: 10952
Australia
Gender: male
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #8 - Jun 25th, 2017 at 5:35pm
 
Our ex PM John Howard dies and goes to heaven, at the gates of Heaven he meets St Peter who informs him that because he’s been good he has the choice of heaven or hell, Howard agrees and Saint Peter points to the escalator, take that and see hell first then when you come back you can see heaven.

Johnny takes the escalator and descends into hell there he meets all his old mentors and child hood heroes the likes of Menzies, Fraser and more, everyone is dressed in a tux and sucking on crown lagers with a smorgasbord of food what looks to be like a Greek island with skimpily dressed maids showing plenty of cleavage and drumstick ever ready to please, everyone is having a great time and leading a good life.

Howard loves it and spends one of the best days of his existence in this universe.

The next day when Howard gets back to Saint Peter he tells him, I never thought I would say this but I want to stay in hell, Saint Peter asks him are you sure you don’t want to see Heaven first and Howard says yes yes in his eagerness to get back, Saint Peter reluctantly says ok then off you go.

When Howard gets back down to hell, he is shocked to find the place has been transformed into a desolate baron land with all the people he met the day before in loin cloths looking as though they were suffering from malnutrition, dehyrdation and in a badly groomed state, dirty with soars on their bodies.

In shock Howard exclaims: What happened here…?

Then the devil with Paul Keating’s face comforts him and says,

Johnny yesterday we were campaigning, today you have elected us.
Back to top
 

1. There has never been a more serious assault on our standard of living than Anthropogenic Global Warming..Ajax
2. "One hour of freedom is worth more than 40 years of slavery &  prison" Regas Feraeos
 
IP Logged
 
Ajax
Gold Member
*****
Offline


CO2 has never controlled
temperature on Earth

Posts: 10952
Australia
Gender: male
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #9 - Jul 9th, 2017 at 1:12pm
 
Man and woman on first date.



Man:  Shall I bring you a drink…??

Woman:  Yes, a whisky

Man: Shall I put two fingers…?

Woman: Well wait until we drink something…!
Back to top
 

1. There has never been a more serious assault on our standard of living than Anthropogenic Global Warming..Ajax
2. "One hour of freedom is worth more than 40 years of slavery &  prison" Regas Feraeos
 
IP Logged
 
UnSubRocky
Gold Member
*****
Online


Australian Legend

Posts: 21664
Rockhampton, Q
Gender: male
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #10 - Jul 12th, 2017 at 12:12am
 
Ajax wrote on Jun 25th, 2017 at 4:49pm:
Went to see my doctor the other day, at the request of my wife.

He was away and a beautiful female doctor replaced him.

After she came in the room and saw that I was a bit hesitant to tell her my problem, she reassured me that no matter the problem she would check it out in full.

So relunctantly I told her,

My wife thinks my penis tastes funny............???


I know this is such a dad joke and not something to get more than a mild chuckle. But what would he expect her to do? Tell him to whip it out and give it a slurp?
Back to top
 
 
IP Logged
 
cods
Gold Member
*****
Offline


Australian Politics

Posts: 88048
Re: Joke of the day
Reply #11 - Jul 12th, 2017 at 8:02am
 
another one for the toolshed gmods..
Back to top
 
 
IP Logged
 
Page Index Toggle Pages: 1
Send Topic Print