Lord Herbert wrote on Aug 18
th, 2016 at 9:12am:
I agree with all you've said here, Aqua.
There's one exception to this though ... The Oedipus Complex guy who wants to marry a mother-figure, while the woman wants to marry an emotionally dependent male who she can figuratively 'breast-feed' as her subordinate.
In general conversation with a psychiatrist, he once told me that people in his profession see an awful lot of men who ... Quote:
"Swing from their mother's tit onto their wife's tit in one uninterrupted move". After I had stopped laughing he assured me it's true.
A great many men remain in emotional bondage and loyalty to their mothers.
This is especially true of
Italians.
this is an example of a 'co-dependant " relationship.
Steven Covey covers this topic well.
Most relationships are co-dependant and , again, this is mainly due to peoples desires for a quick fix and their desire to feed the addiction that is laziness.
(i hate to bang on about laziness, but it is at the root of so many problems).
According to covey (and i concur) the only relationships that can be successful long term are "interdependant' relationships.
This requires the 2 people to work on THEMSELVES. it requires them to take seriously, the work of becoming as awesome a person as possible. Those who "poo poo" self development , would have no chance of getting to this position.
For , as covey says, only when you are 100 % happy BY YOURSELF are you capable of being in a good relationship.
do not believe the group think, the rom coms and the social conditioning. There is no soul mate, there is no person that completes you, there is no one to "make you whole".
If you go the lazy route (as most people do) of co -dependancy, then you are looking only to the other person to fill your needs and this will always fail.
One can tell a co dependant relationship quite easily. If the partners "fight" its proof positive its co-dependant. Love cannot turn to hate. Love and happiness which are truly drawn from "within" are a permanent state.
anyone who is angry, fearful or anxious, anyone who whines and nags or has expectations of their partner to live up to the role that "they" have created for other is in a co-dependant relationship and needs to get out, work on themselves and then find a similar person who has also done this work .
because heres another fundamental law, "you will only attract another co - dependant person if you dont".
an anxious person may attract an angry person, a depressed person may attract a needy person but it will not work.
Another very common scenario (and harking back to laziness) is this one herb.
the hubby doesnt want to have to stay a man in his prime so her lets his wife get fat as this effectively takes her off the market. if he encouraged her to stay hot, "he" will have to work on his personal development.
a wife stops gratifying her husband with good sex and this then makes him a needy little scrub who feels all sorry for himself and now the women at his work are repulsed by his complaining and butt hurt self pity. Now she doesnt have to work on herslef as he isnt going to stray as he has lost his swagger.
So, in fact, co dependant people, thru their laziness, often will sabotage their partner to enable more laziness.
hardly the way to be awesome.
a tip.
cook good food together, go to the gym together, read good books together and let your partner have their own life away from you , thereby reflecting that you are "happy by yourself".
This is the path of the superior man