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jokes (Read 50166 times)
Johnsmith
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Re: jokes
Reply #75 - Sep 1st, 2015 at 10:26am
 
A female CNN  journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western  Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long  time.

So she went to  check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up  to the holy site.  She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when  he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him  for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir,  I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your  name?"

"Morris Feinberg,"  he replied.

"Sir, how long  have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60  years."

"60 years!  That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace  between the Christians, Jews, and the  Muslims."

"I pray for all the  wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our  children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow  man."

"I pray that  politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of  their own interests."

And finally "I pray  that everyone will be happy".

"How do you feel  after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking  to a smacking Brick wall!"
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When politicians offer you something for nothing, or something that sounds too good to be true, it's always worth taking a careful second look.
(Malcolm Turncoat)
 
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Team Froggie
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Re: jokes
Reply #76 - Sep 3rd, 2015 at 8:24am
 
Subject: Smokin' in the Rain

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely
(she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what
size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
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"What's in store for me in the direction I don't take?"-Jack Kerouac.
 
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cods
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Re: jokes
Reply #77 - Sep 3rd, 2015 at 8:45am
 
Vic wrote on Aug 31st, 2015 at 6:31pm:
And that, folks, is why the capital of Thailand came to be named Bangkok . 



I dont believe that Smiley
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bogarde73
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Re: jokes
Reply #78 - Sep 3rd, 2015 at 9:34am
 
Census question: before answering this question, should I put my wife down?
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Know the enemies of a civil society by their public behaviour, by their fraudulent claim to be liberal-progressive, by their propensity to lie and, above all, by their attachment to authoritarianism.
 
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Team Froggie
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Re: jokes
Reply #79 - Sep 4th, 2015 at 8:20pm
 
Sound is a must.....

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"What's in store for me in the direction I don't take?"-Jack Kerouac.
 
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Johnsmith
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Re: jokes
Reply #80 - Sep 7th, 2015 at 6:06pm
 

A new study has found the most common sexual position used by married couples is dogie style

He sits up and begs

She turns around and plays dead.

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When politicians offer you something for nothing, or something that sounds too good to be true, it's always worth taking a careful second look.
(Malcolm Turncoat)
 
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Johnsmith
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Re: jokes
Reply #81 - Sep 11th, 2015 at 6:16pm
 
so wrong, but so funny Grin Grin

all bigots will be sure to love it


https://www.youtube.com/embed/VmffgIqlAYA
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When politicians offer you something for nothing, or something that sounds too good to be true, it's always worth taking a careful second look.
(Malcolm Turncoat)
 
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Muttley
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Re: jokes
Reply #82 - Sep 17th, 2015 at 11:40am
 
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

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'The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.'

Margaret Thatcher
 
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Sprintcyclist
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Re: jokes
Reply #83 - Sep 17th, 2015 at 1:08pm
 
Pretty good muttley.
I like my rednecks
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Modern Classic Right Wing
 
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Panther
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Re: jokes
Reply #84 - Sep 21st, 2015 at 3:56pm
 

A mother and her daughter are walking along the beach.
        The girl says, "Mom, do you think I'm old enough to start douching?"
        Her mother says, "Why don't you ask one of the seagulls that's following ya!"

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« Last Edit: Sep 21st, 2015 at 4:04pm by Panther »  

"When the People fear government there is Tyranny;
When government fears the People there is Freedom & Liberty!"

'
Live FREE or DIE!
'
 
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double plus good
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Re: jokes
Reply #85 - Sep 21st, 2015 at 4:02pm
 
Hear about the KKK Evel Knievel?

He tried to jump 200 n@$gers in a steam roller.
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Panther
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Re: jokes
Reply #86 - Sep 21st, 2015 at 4:08pm
 



Favale says to Leeds, "I learned an important life lesson today. I‘m getting married in a few weeks, and I went over to my fiancee's house to look at the wedding invitations. She wasn't home, so her mother sat me down to show them to me. And her mother's sexy as hell. As we were looking at the invitations, she started rubbing my leg. Then she worked her way slowly up to the tops of my thighs, and after she knew damn well I had a raging hard-on, she asked me if I'd take her upstairs and bang her blind. I got up and left. As I walked out the front door, her father was standing there, and he said, ‘You passed our little test, son. Glad to have you in the family.'"
        Leeds says, "So what's the life lesson?"
        Favale says, "Always keep your rubbers in the glovebox."
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"When the People fear government there is Tyranny;
When government fears the People there is Freedom & Liberty!"

'
Live FREE or DIE!
'
 
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bogarde73
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Re: jokes
Reply #87 - Oct 2nd, 2015 at 3:50pm
 
She's single and she lives right across the street. I can see her place from my kitchen window. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just got home and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and get laid tonight! Are you doing anything?"

I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm free!"





She said, "Great! Would you mind baby-sitting my dog??"
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Know the enemies of a civil society by their public behaviour, by their fraudulent claim to be liberal-progressive, by their propensity to lie and, above all, by their attachment to authoritarianism.
 
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Re: jokes
Reply #88 - Oct 5th, 2015 at 6:42pm
 
...
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Jovial Monk
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Re: jokes
Reply #89 - Oct 5th, 2015 at 7:53pm
 
Q. Why did the computer cross the road?


A. The chicken programmed it.
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Get the vaxx! 💉💉

If you don’t like abortions ignore them like you do school shootings.
 
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