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jokes (Read 50169 times)
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Re: jokes
Reply #300 - Apr 30th, 2016 at 7:47pm
 
Not your best.
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Re: jokes
Reply #301 - May 1st, 2016 at 10:00am
 
BEEP BEEP!
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Football, Meat Pies, Kangaroos and Liberal Lies
Football, Meat Pies, Kangaroos and Liberal Lies
 
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Re: jokes
Reply #302 - May 2nd, 2016 at 1:14pm
 
Birth Control pills should be for men.

It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
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Quoth the Raven "Nevermore"

Raven would rather ask questions that may never be answered, then accept answers which must never be questioned.
 
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Re: jokes
Reply #303 - May 8th, 2016 at 8:37pm
 
Ivan Milat takes a backpacker for a 'bush walk' ... The backpacker says 'its starting to get a bit dark Ivan im a little scared' Ivan says 'your scared i have to walk back to the car by myself!
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Re: jokes
Reply #304 - May 8th, 2016 at 10:38pm
 
This starts off tame but hang in there.

*Warning ~ if language offends, do not watch.*


'In language it falls into many grammatical categories.'



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Re: jokes
Reply #305 - May 26th, 2016 at 4:57pm
 
Mal Turnbull was asleep in his house and awoke to see Menzies' ghost.
He asked, "Bob, how can I make this country better?"
Sir Robert said, "Love the Japanese steel producers like I did."
Mal went back to sleep, this time he woke to an image of John Howard at the end of his bed. He asked,
John, how can I make this country better?
Howard said, "Be honest with the people like I was."
Again Mal fell asleep and awoke this time to see Harold Holt and asked,
"Harold, how can I make this country better?
" Harold replied, "Go for a swim like I did!"
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Football, Meat Pies, Kangaroos and Liberal Lies
Football, Meat Pies, Kangaroos and Liberal Lies
 
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Re: jokes
Reply #306 - May 26th, 2016 at 6:57pm
 
Sydney Police report finding a man's body in the Parramatta River at Parramatta..
The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to
excessive marijuana consumption.
He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a "
Elect Turnbull for PM
" T-shirt. He also had a cucumber in his rectum.
The police removed the Turnbull T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.
In spite of what we sometimes think... the Police do care
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Football, Meat Pies, Kangaroos and Liberal Lies
Football, Meat Pies, Kangaroos and Liberal Lies
 
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Re: jokes
Reply #307 - Jun 6th, 2016 at 3:08pm
 

   An Aborigine was driving along the road when he suddenly noticed that one of his rear tyres had gone flat. With a sigh and [a curse] he pulled over, got out the car jack and wheel brace and started undoing the nuts on the wheel. Just after he started, a Subaru going along at high speed stopped in front of his car, brakes squealing. Out hops a big Maori carrying a baseball bat.  The Maori proceeds to smash the side window of the Aborigine's car. The Aborigine jumps up and starts yelling "what the f *** are you doing?" The Maori says  "Aw come on bro.   If you’re taking the wheels, at least let me have the CD Player!"
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Our esteemed leader:
I hope that bitch who was running their brothels for them gets raped with a cactus.
 
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Re: jokes
Reply #308 - Jun 18th, 2016 at 3:52pm
 
Redneck is a poet!

...
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Re: jokes
Reply #309 - Jun 18th, 2016 at 4:20pm
 
A blonde puts an ad in the paper to sell her pet python.

A guy rings up and says to her how big is it..??

She replies its huge....!!!

The guy says how many feet....???

She replies: You idiot snakes have no feet....!!!
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1. There has never been a more serious assault on our standard of living than Anthropogenic Global Warming..Ajax
2. "One hour of freedom is worth more than 40 years of slavery &  prison" Regas Feraeos
 
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Re: jokes
Reply #310 - Jun 21st, 2016 at 6:10pm
 
Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs


The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning.
As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.


As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.


One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch,

she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in.
Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.
'Hello...Hello !' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello !'


For a long while, there was no answer.  Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello!  Is anyone down there?'

Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine,
"VOTE FOR TURNBULL   ".


Snow White fell to her knees and prayed, 'Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive !'


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Our esteemed leader:
I hope that bitch who was running their brothels for them gets raped with a cactus.
 
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John Smith
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Re: jokes
Reply #311 - Jun 29th, 2016 at 2:02pm
 


An old priest lay dying in Woden's, Canberra Hospital. He had served
the people near the nation's capital, Manuka for many years.
He motioned for the nurse to come near.
"Yes father?" said the nurse.
"I would really like to see Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten before I
die" whispered the priest.
"I will see what I can do" said the nurse..
The nurse sent the request to parliament house and waited for a
response. Soon an answer came back; Both Malcolm Turnbull and Bill
Shorten would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they were driven to the hospital in Malcolm's new BMW, Turnbull
commented to Shorten, "I don't know why this old priest wants to see
us, but it certainly will help our images and may even help ourre-election prospects."
Shorten agreed it was probably a good thing.
When they arrived at the priest's room the priest took Turnbull's hand
in his right hand and Shorten's hand in his left hand.
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.
Finally Shorten spoke "Father of all people you could have chosen, why
did you chose us to be with you at this time when your end is so near?"
The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life
and behaviour after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."
"Amen" said Turnbull. "Amen" replied Shorten.
The old priest continued, "Jesus Christ our saviour died between two
lying thieving bastards, and I wanted to do the same."
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Our esteemed leader:
I hope that bitch who was running their brothels for them gets raped with a cactus.
 
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Re: jokes
Reply #312 - Jun 29th, 2016 at 2:07pm
 
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
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Re: jokes
Reply #313 - Jul 12th, 2016 at 3:07pm
 
A beautiful young woman got married to a bloke quite a bit older than herself.
It was only some time later she discovered he had been married 3 times before.

"What happened to your previous wives" she demanded to know.
"Well,  the first one died from eating poisonous mushrooms", he said.
"And what about the second one?"
" Strangely enough she ate the bad mushrooms too" he told her.

Naturally she's becoming a bit concerned by now and in a shaky voice she asks:
"And your third wife, what happened to her?"

"Oh that was different, she died from a fractured skull"
"But it was her own fault" he added "she wouldn't eat the bloody mushrooms"
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Know the enemies of a civil society by their public behaviour, by their fraudulent claim to be liberal-progressive, by their propensity to lie and, above all, by their attachment to authoritarianism.
 
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Re: jokes
Reply #314 - Jul 13th, 2016 at 6:26pm
 
A Muslim immigrant in London goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."

The doctor examines him and then says: "You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage.  Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."

The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 2 weeks later and says "I feel wonderful! what was wrong with me ?"

The doctor replied, "You were Homesick."
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Our esteemed leader:
I hope that bitch who was running their brothels for them gets raped with a cactus.
 
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