Rugby League great Johnny Raper played in 8 consecutive winning grand finals for St George Dragons.

If St George can win that many with one raper in the team, how many can Hawthorn win with two?

A lady invited some important people to dinner.  She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them. Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream? "No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous."
"Well, I see squirrels eating them and they're OK." So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sautéed them for her dinner. Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite.
All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn't affected him after a few hours, so she decided to use them. The meal was a great success. After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear, "Mum, Spot is dead." Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible, called the doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I'll call for an ambulance and I'll be there as quickly as I can. We'll give everyone enemas and we'll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."
Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road. The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump. One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was done the doctor came out and said, "Everything will be okay now," and with that he left. The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum..
"I can't believe that guy!"
"What guy?"
"You know, that one who ran over Spot; he never even slowed down".

" and tonight's programs on Pet TV are Starsky and Hutch, My Furry Lady, and Gone With The Minx"....

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

•        Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

•        A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

•        I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

•        Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

•        England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

•        I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

•        They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

•        I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

•        Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

•        I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

•        I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

•        This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

•        When chemists die, they barium.

•        I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can't put it down.

•        I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words.

•        Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

•        I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

•        Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

•        When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

•        Broken pencils are pointless.

•        What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.

•       I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

•       All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen.  The police have nothing to go on.

•       I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

•        Velcro - what a rip off!

•         Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

Avatars are interesting. Your jokes explain yours.