God bless the Viagran Warlords..... Men In Black IV - Curse of The Blue Ties"There's always an Arkyllian battle cruiser or an intergalactic plague out there, Slick.. the only reason these people get on with their miserable little lives is.. THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT! Back in 2037, before time travel became a reality, the Viagrans landed and offered a blue de-horning pill that was supposed to cut the world population, but it turned out it did the opposite to human men than they thought it would... now take one and it goes harder and longer on you! BOOM goes the world population! Now how do you think people would take it if they KNEW that blue pill came from aliens and then was sent back in time so we've got it now? There'd be rioting between the sheets!
ALL the big men are aliens, by the way!"
"Oh - I suppose now you're gonna tell me that Arnold Schwarzenegger is an alien... and.. and timetraveled or something? Then how did he get off reservation to California, huh?"
"Ever heard of community half-way housing, Slick? Arnie's on probation for fifty years and on full-time day release.. same as Ronnie Reagan was... remember Arnie's first movie? "Hercules In New York"? It's right there for ya, kid... all shot on reservation... just breaking him to the public slowly!"
"And Reagan? You call that breaking it slowly?"
"24/7 guard detail, Slick... that's what Presidents get! All our alien Presidents get the same deal. That's all of 'em, every President that is since 1949, for the record."
"Oh yeah? Then what about Ike and JFK.. and.. and.. you know Nixon? They were BORN before 1949!"
"Early arrivals, Kid.. under the wire until we got online and up to speed! Took some time and trouble to bring 'em under proper control! Some we missed.. unfortunately! JFK got caught by a Farenzian assassin.. damn shame! Looked bad on the books!"
"Yeah - I always thought Oswald looked a little strange.. you mean HE was an alien?"
"Is, Slick! IS an alien... Farenzians just don't die that way.. he's in solitary in the Andromeda Galaxy awaiting trial in line with Carsafylian time.. which is one week is about.... oh twenty years or so....gonna take a while....Yep! Some of our aliens are ever farther afield than Arnie. Ever heard of Tony Abbott in Australia?"
"Always knew there was something about that guy...."
"He's wearing a Circeilian security belt 24/7... if he makes a mistake he's back on the reservation instantly and doesn't get out until it's all cleared up. Ever notice how he disappears sometimes? That guy.. he just can't help it!"