BREAKING NEWS - Health and Safety Changes to Surfing Regulations - Be Safe.  All Surfers Please Read



1 - All surfers must wear full face helmets rated to motorcycle codes to avoid head injuries.

2 - Surfers must wear full harnesses when they are in deep water in case they fall off their boards. Velcro ankle straps will be banned as they cannot be properly maintained. Harnesses will use a 3 mm wire rope to connect to a 350 kg rated cleat that will be attached to the front of the board to ensure they can be seen easily by the Beach Inspection Testing and Checking Harness squad (B.I.T.C.H.s for short).

3 - All surfers will be required to wear signs on the back and front of their board shorts or bikinis that say Do Not Overtake Turning Vehicle to avoid potential collisions as the one shown in Photo 1(a).3 below. The signs must be in black text on yellow backgrounds with the text being 150 mm in height. The backing boards must be fibre-glass or some other flexible but resilient material that will not droop when surfers are maneuvering.

4 - Consideration is being given to mandating hand signalling before surfers change direction although there is strong support in the Department for the use of electronic signals placed on the surfers' helmets.

5 - Boards must support a minimum of 350 kg of weight when placed under both Sagging and Hogging (load test similar to ship loading design criteria).  3 in every 15 boards will be loaded to destruction to check the quality of the manufacturing processes used by board makers.

6 - Exposed fins will be banned.  Fins may be use used if they are shrouded in a cage that is covered by Kevlar padding to avoid injuries to other surfers.

7 - Sharp points at the front of the board will also be banned. The front of the board must be semi-circular and tangent to the sides of the board. Red and green lights will be required on the sides of the board to assist passing on-coming surf traffic in dark conditions.

8 - Lightning conductors will be installed on all boards. A Faraday cage will also be required although it is still not clear what the design requirements of the cage will be. Both of these measures will reduce the chances of electrocution said the Minister.

In his Press Release dated 6 January 2014, the Minister indicated that the consultation period for these proposed will close on 12 December 2013.

Stratos wrote on Jan 13^th, 2014 at 5:55pm:


I think Smithy is quite serious.....He has contacts in the Government you know!!!



What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?
Jeph Jacques, Questionable Content, #1615, March 2010

oh god are they this desperate???. .. please dear god take pity on them...

bring back krudd he was the only one that lifted their spirits momentarily......

then again to see them fall over themselves about this.. is FUNNNNNNEEEEEE... so maybe not..