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What Got a Smile out of You, Today??? (Read 36403 times)
Grappler Truth Teller Feller
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #315 - Oct 9th, 2014 at 3:18pm
 
Bloke gets up on stage out Back o' Bourke, takes a young crocodile out of of a hessian bag, zips down his fly and hangs the croc on his p*ick by its teeth, and proceeds to swing it about.

After a while he takes a stick and belts the croc about the head until it lets go, and holds the croc up to the crowd...

"Right!  Anyone else want to have a go at that?"

Old lady at the back puts a hand up,

"Yeah.. I'll 'ave a go at that.. just don't go so hard with the stick!"
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“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”
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John Smith
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #316 - Oct 9th, 2014 at 3:25pm
 
Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

good one grappler





so did you take it easier on her with the stick or not?
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Our esteemed leader:
I hope that bitch who was running their brothels for them gets raped with a cactus.
 
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Grappler Truth Teller Feller
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #317 - Oct 9th, 2014 at 4:07pm
 
Never interrupt a woman while she's working.... they get grouchy if you do....
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“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #318 - Oct 9th, 2014 at 4:12pm
 
This is an 'Abos' joke from the same guy, so sensitive ears just close up now:-


After an Alice Springs school outing the teacher gets up says:-

"All right.  Who can tell me what animals they saw and what sound they make?"

Sweet little Jenny, class primp, puts her hand up,

"There was a horsie, and it made this sound... Neiiiggghhh!"

Little Johnnie the rich kid, puts his hand up,

"There was a cow like the thousands my father owns, and is went, "Mooooo".

Little Jackie, the Aboriginal kid, sits quietly, until teacher asks him to be involved,

"OK... I saw a pig there, Miss, and the sound they make is ... "You get outta that car right  NOW, you Black bastard or I'll brain ya!"
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“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”
― John Adams
 
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Redmond Neck
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #319 - Oct 9th, 2014 at 4:14pm
 
I'll pay that one!

Grin Grin Grin Grin
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BAN ALL THESE ABO SITES RECOGNITIONS.

ALL AUSTRALIA IS FOR ALL AUSTRALIANS!
 
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #320 - Oct 9th, 2014 at 6:18pm
 
You would have to have been there at the time, but...this actually happened this morning in the Cab.

Pick up a regular customer.  Once was obviously quite the looker, and still not half bad, but the ravages of too much booze is beginning to take its toll.  She is always a sober, decent passenger, but the stuff in the boot always includes some cartons of beer.

Arrive at destination.  I hit the stop button on the meter.

'$10.50 thanks.'

She goes for the purse and finds over a $50 note, hands that to me, and then tries to find some coin adding to 50 cents....and says:

"All my change is inside on my bed."

'Aussie' says nothing.....allows for a very pregnant, silent pause......then slowly looks over at her.....raises the judicial eyebrow......and the implication of what she blurted out totally innocently slowly dawns on her.

Grin
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John Smith
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #321 - Oct 9th, 2014 at 6:56pm
 
2 yr old (actually, 2.5 yrs now .... wow, they grow so quickly) was singing Waltzing Matilda today .... so cute

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« Last Edit: Oct 10th, 2014 at 8:38am by John Smith »  

Our esteemed leader:
I hope that bitch who was running their brothels for them gets raped with a cactus.
 
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Kat
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #322 - Oct 9th, 2014 at 10:49pm
 
Aussie wrote on Oct 9th, 2014 at 6:18pm:
You would have to have been there at the time, but...this actually happened this morning in the Cab.

Pick up a regular customer.  Once was obviously quite the looker, and still not half bad, but the ravages of too much booze is beginning to take its toll.  She is always a sober, decent passenger, but the stuff in the boot always includes some cartons of beer.

Arrive at destination.  I hit the stop button on the meter.

'$10.50 thanks.'

She goes for the purse and finds over a $50 note, hands that to me, and then tries to find some coin adding to 50 cents....and says:

"All my change is inside on my bed."

'Aussie' says nothing.....allows for a very pregnant, silent pause......then slowly looks over at her.....raises the judicial eyebrow......and the implication of what she blurted out totally innocently slowly dawns on her.

Grin


As long as it was innocent...

My boss has had women (of all ages) offer to pay for a room at the motel with sex.

He says he's often been tempted, but reckons it isn't worth the potential hassles.
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #323 - Oct 9th, 2014 at 11:00pm
 
Kat wrote on Oct 9th, 2014 at 10:49pm:
Aussie wrote on Oct 9th, 2014 at 6:18pm:
You would have to have been there at the time, but...this actually happened this morning in the Cab.

Pick up a regular customer.  Once was obviously quite the looker, and still not half bad, but the ravages of too much booze is beginning to take its toll.  She is always a sober, decent passenger, but the stuff in the boot always includes some cartons of beer.

Arrive at destination.  I hit the stop button on the meter.

'$10.50 thanks.'

She goes for the purse and finds over a $50 note, hands that to me, and then tries to find some coin adding to 50 cents....and says:

"All my change is inside on my bed."

'Aussie' says nothing.....allows for a very pregnant, silent pause......then slowly looks over at her.....raises the judicial eyebrow......and the implication of what she blurted out totally innocently slowly dawns on her.

Grin


As long as it was innocent...

My boss has had women (of all ages) offer to pay for a room at the motel with sex.

He says he's often been tempted, but reckons it isn't worth the potential hassles.


I'm sure it was totally innocent.  50 cents?  Nah, as soon as I did my little silent dramatics, she laughed, allowing me to.
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Kat
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #324 - Oct 11th, 2014 at 7:06am
 
Deleted by Kat.
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« Last Edit: Oct 11th, 2014 at 6:09pm by Kat »  

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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #325 - Oct 19th, 2014 at 10:56am
 
After over two years of intermittently lousy to non-existent TV reception, which had been
'looked-at' by a serviceman but not fixed satisfactorily, and after having spoken to several
neighbours and friends, some of whom had issues and some of whom did not, I concluded
that a nearby stand of 5-metre conifers was probably attenuating my signal (cos something
certainly was) and decided that an antenna swap to a new and better (more gain) antenna
which I had to hand, was the way to go.

So, after borrowing a ladder, I got up on the roof yesterday afternoon to effect the antenna
swap. Before doing so, I decided to check the 'old' (5 years) antenna to see if it was actually
faulty in any way. Lo and behold... where the coaxial cable screws onto the antenna, there
is a little sealed box. Inside this box is a small printed-circuit, with two wires leading to the
co-ax socket, and the PCB itself is held to the antenna itself by two small nuts and washers.

Or rather, it is supposed to be. Mine wasn't. Not even close. Flopping and flapping around all
over the place, the nuts weren't even finger-tight. Not a hope in hell of a decent, continuous
electrical contact.

So, I cleaned the crud off the contacts and tightened both nuts, then arranged the co-ax etc
so as not to put any strain on them in the future. Re-positioned the antenna slightly so the
trees were no longer in the line-of-sight, pointed it actually at the repeater tower instead of
off into the wild-blue where it had been pointing (set by the 'expert' who had attended at the
request of the landlord to replace a dead booster and address reception issues approx. 2½
years ago) and now have the best reception I've had since moving here, especially on the
ABC and SBS and their sub-channels, which were always the worst reception-wise (see pic).

Two neighbours in the complex share the same antenna, and both of them are very pleased
with the fact that they can now get all channels again, and I'm stoked that I've finally been
able to actually watch an episode of Dr Who without having to download it.

It's still not perfect, so the hi-gain Yagi may still end up being installed yet.  Wink

Shame I'm not a c%$t, or I'd send the bloody landlord a bill for the $100 I'd normally charge
for doing a similar job...  Wink
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« Last Edit: Oct 19th, 2014 at 11:18am by Kat »  

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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #326 - Oct 22nd, 2014 at 5:21pm
 
Another 'Fall Off My Chair Moment', this morning, when I read a quote from Gough Whitlam.



When Sir Winton Turnbull [who represented a large rural seat] was raving and ranting on the adjournment and shouted: "I am a Country member".

I interjected "I remember".

He could not understand why, for the first time in all the years he had been speaking in the House, there was instant and loud applause from both sides.

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
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"What's in store for me in the direction I don't take?"-Jack Kerouac.
 
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Late Night Phone Call To The Vet
Reply #327 - Oct 22nd, 2014 at 5:29pm
 
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and 'in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while the neighbors were on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said,

"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"It just worked on me," he replied.
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BAN ALL THESE ABO SITES RECOGNITIONS.

ALL AUSTRALIA IS FOR ALL AUSTRALIANS!
 
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #328 - Oct 29th, 2014 at 12:40pm
 
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..........




Smiley
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"What's in store for me in the direction I don't take?"-Jack Kerouac.
 
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it_is_the_light
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Re: What Got a Smile out of You, Today???
Reply #329 - Oct 29th, 2014 at 3:24pm
 
http://www.ozpolitic.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1413525266/107#107

The Outrage Bus wrote

Quote:
I'm saying that in low enough levels and in ethylmercury which doesnt bioaccumulate, you would not have health issues.


many blessings ok good ,

you are getting hot under the collar

what about in high level dosage ?

will a high level dosage of mercury effect the pineal gland ?

im interested in your reply

namaste

- : ) =
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ॐ May Much LOVE and CHRISTS LIGHT be upon and within us all.... namasté ▲ - : )  ╰დ╮ॐ╭დ╯
it_is_the_light it_is_the_light Christ+Light Christ+Light  
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