MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE

This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

Men Are Just Happier People!

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.   You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.   You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAMES

· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT

· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.

MONEY

· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

· A woman has the last word in any argument.

· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Not when they are habitually dependent on pot, beer and other recreational narcotics to make them happier.
Without them - they are unhappier.

Redmond Neck wrote on Mar 14^th, 2019 at 3:19pm:

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender. Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.   You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.   You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier! NICKNAMES · If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. · If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman. EATING OUT · When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators. MONEY · A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. · A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS · A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. · The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS · A woman has the last word in any argument. · Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE · A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. · A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. MARRIAGE · A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. · A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP · A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. · A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL · Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. · Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING · Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. · A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Best thing I've read for ages   ;D ;D ;D ;D

Redmond Neck wrote on Mar 14^th, 2019 at 3:19pm:

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

I do five days with carry-on luggage.

Always have done.

Even for two weeks in London recently, I only took one medium sized suitcase (weighed 12 kilos).

One checked in suitcase and one carry on bag is more than enough for me, for anything over 5 days.

For 5 days or less, one carry-on bag (with a carry-on garment bag, maybe).

PZ547 wrote on Mar 14^th, 2019 at 3:27pm:

Redmond Neck wrote on Mar 14th, 2019 at 3:19pm: MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender. Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.   You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.   You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier! NICKNAMES · If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. · If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman. EATING OUT · When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators. MONEY · A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. · A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS · A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. · The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS · A woman has the last word in any argument. · Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE · A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. · A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. MARRIAGE · A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. · A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP · A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. · A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL · Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. · Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING · Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. · A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! Best thing I've read for ages   ;D ;D ;D ;D

There is a bit of truth in it!   ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

PZ547 wrote on Mar 14^th, 2019 at 3:27pm:

Redmond Neck wrote on Mar 14th, 2019 at 3:19pm: MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender. Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.   You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.   You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier! NICKNAMES · If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. · If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman. EATING OUT · When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators. MONEY · A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. · A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS · A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. · The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS · A woman has the last word in any argument. · Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE · A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. · A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. MARRIAGE · A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. · A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP · A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. · A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL · Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. · Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING · Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. · A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! Best thing I've read for ages   ;D ;D ;D ;D

X10
My wife loved it too

Thanks Red,
that was a good read and all true.

You can add -
if a man wants to go out he's ready in 15 minutes -
a woman takes about 2 to 3 hours to get ready.

Bobby. wrote on Mar 14^th, 2019 at 6:27pm:

Thanks Red, that was a good read and all true. You can add - if a man wants to go out he's ready in 15 minutes - a woman takes about 2 to 3 hours to get ready.

You must know some weird women   ;D

A lot of women I've dated are quite capable of doing exactly what is listed up there and very much better than what a lot of men can do of it.
Mind you, I love my  women tough, capable, independent, able to fix a car, able to fight, able to work hard from writing a Thesis to building a house and able to laugh off and occassionally destroy the 'male' humour without being too precious and soft about it.

greggerypeccary wrote on Mar 14^th, 2019 at 3:32pm:

Redmond Neck wrote on Mar 14th, 2019 at 3:19pm: A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. I do five days with carry-on luggage. Always have done. Even for two weeks in London recently, I only took one medium sized suitcase (weighed 12 kilos). One checked in suitcase and one carry on bag is more than enough for me, for anything over 5 days. For 5 days or less, one carry-on bag (with a carry-on garment bag, maybe).

Yup  me, too.  I was the camp follower for the kid's mother on a film - never once did I get out of a hotel on time... I used to pray that Boy would stay asleep until I packed the van...

Now, as carer for the ex - I could pack up a small bag and go..... to travel with her still requires a van load..... and a servant...

My lady doctor said today that I was not my usual self... I explained that selling a house and downsizing while upcosting was serious - especially when you had to argue every step the way with a recalcitrant ex...

Normally I'm the guy who can make a room full of cancer patients laugh within twenty seconds....

Jasin wrote on Mar 14^th, 2019 at 7:00pm:

A lot of women I've dated are quite capable of doing exactly what is listed up there and very much better than what a lot of men can do of it. Mind you, I love my  women tough, capable, independent, able to fix a car, able to fight, able to work hard from writing a Thesis to building a house and able to laugh off and occassionally destroy the 'male' humour without being too precious and soft about it.

Me, too - my favourite was a Chemistry Ph.D at 23...and she could change a tyre... gorgeous red-haired and slim as......

Eat your hearts out, Philistines....  8-)

RASFHIP

Black Orchid wrote on Mar 14^th, 2019 at 6:55pm:

Bobby. wrote on Mar 14th, 2019 at 6:27pm: Thanks Red, that was a good read and all true. You can add - if a man wants to go out he's ready in 15 minutes - a woman takes about 2 to 3 hours to get ready. You must know some weird women   ;D

I must do.
Some women take over an hour to choose the right dress for the occasion.