So my x and I have started talking and texting after a family tragedy and it’s completely obvious to both of us the connection is special.

I just thinking “ run away, run away “ but…..

Dang, I love her.

She’s  remarried, I’m remarried.


It’s actually a terrible feeling.

I’m not choosing nor do I want or expect either to compete!

I don’t don’t have that backwards mentality!


It’s just suddenly we are talking again and she’s actually really interesting.


P.s shes ( x) is also on night shift in middle bum nowhere qld.

P.ps my gut feeling is stopping communication now?

Advice?

P.ps it’s so nice to talk to her again 🙂‍↔️

Damn - you're both married.  Maybe just say what you feel but make it clear you have to go.  It's terrible, but sometimes... there had to be reasons you broke up.. have those changed?

Everything is complicated with women!

Answer -
listen to a real live Indian Guru:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CxCx3oVp1M

Bobby. wrote on Jul 8^th, 2025 at 10:09pm:

Answer - listen to a real live Indian Guru: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CxCx3oVp1M

Listen to Talking Heads...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKti7QixnJI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQiOA7euaYA

Once I got thu the chants I kinda got the idea bobby.


It’s really hard when you’re live a decent amount of your life with someone and breaking up ( which is basically grieving) and then years later falling in touch again and instantly feeling both connected.


I’m just sharing because we are both very confused.

I’m burning my phone and hijack a plane ✈️

Nothing good will come of any future communication.
We have both moved on? Right 😘???🤔

Do whatever feels right. You're both older and I would hope wiser. You don't have to move in together. We have no idea of the history you both share.

Daves2017 wrote on Jul 8^th, 2025 at 10:20pm:

Once I got thu the chants I kinda got the idea bobby. It’s really hard when you’re live a decent amount of your life with someone and breaking up ( which is basically grieving) and then years later falling in touch again and instantly feeling both connected. I’m just sharing because we are both very confused. I’m burning my phone and hijack a plane ✈️ Nothing good will come of any future communication. We have both moved on? Right 😘???🤔

People don't change - leave the past in the past.

My gut feeling is too settle .

There are kids involved.

But ffs.

It was so nice to talk to her again and it was mutual.

Life  and it’s curveballs?

Respect your current wife. If you can't honor your commitment to her then let her know.

Dave…. that’s not current feelings you have for your ex…. It’s old familiar feelings from past surfacing.
Sure you miss it but it’s not for the now….
Sounds like a highway to derailing you from your current path.

Sometimes I sit and think and remember about some guys in past  I used to like, and how nice it felt… I am thankful for some nice memories… always build new good memories in the current now time with another.
If you go to grab the past, your future may be lost.

Regardless of how you're feeling about your ex
are there no feelings for your current wife - do you not love her?

Does your ex have any feelings for her current husband? Does she not love him?

You are ex's for a reason/reasons - you should unpack those reasons for a rethink as to how that came about.

How do you know they wouldn't resurface if you got back together?

BTW I wouldn't have posted that on here.

Daves2017 wrote on Jul 8^th, 2025 at 10:26pm:

My gut feeling is too settle . There are kids involved. But ffs. It was so nice to talk to her again and it was mutual. Life  and it’s curveballs?

But whatever reasons there were for the breakup with her will still be there.

You'll find the same old problems will recur.
I have experience in such matters.

This is all very good advice. I particularly appreciate your post Sophia.

Feelings are very difficult things to understand and manage but they are also what makes us human.

I will leave the past in the past and continue with the present.

I just wish my x would stop signing me up to dating sites. I see the funny side and she thinks it’s hilarious but current partner gets very annoyed.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

A difficult situation Dave.
It's quite reasonable to communicate with an ex when there is a tragedy. To find solace .

I have a few dealings with various women. I always tell my wife about them.  At first she was a bit concerned.
I've gave her my phone so she can read through all my texts. I do that every now and then, when there is a funny text or whatever.

To have women friends in my life is good and healthy.
To hide that friendship is unhealthy.

The reason you can speak civilly and amiably with your ex is that you've both moved on.

Accept that because delving back into the past will not be a productive course of action for either of you.  Just continue to move on with your respective partners and keep conversations with your ex on a friendly but not overly familiar basis. 

Can I ask how you would describe your ex's current husband ?

There are 4 type of Women in a man's life that will benefit him and allow him to experience the 4 points of the Magic Compass.
North, South, East & West, in life.
There are also 4 negative Women who lead a man astray into the lesser directions of NW, NE, SW & SE.

You Dave, played your Card North with your first marriage and then forfeited your ticket South with your second marriage to experience North (Relationship) again. No wonder you are feeling something lacking in your life (that journey South). Sadly, you just have to suck it up for what it is.

James Bond never slept with Miss Moneypenny. She was his ticket South (Money) and kept him employed.
Dante Alligjeri's Beatrice was his South (muse) that lead and inspired him to write the Divine Comedy. He married another woman as his North and was thus balanced.

10,000 of the richest and successful men were asked the secret of their success? Their top answer was "Never go into that Motel room" (with that woman of the South). True survey.

You my friend, via your second marriage kinda did so.
You turned what would have been something 'different' in your life with the woman of the South, into just another North (relationship) experience.
Alas, for you and many men (who sleep with the Secretary, who would have otherwise lead them to the wealth of the South direction) - it's too late. You can't undo it, even by trying to sabotage your second marriage. Because, everything happens in threes and you'll only forfeit another Card by turning your East or West woman into a 3rd North experience.

So don't freak about your connection with your first Marriage, while married again in the North zone. It is what it is - the emptiness you feel for never having experienced what going South could have been for you. You can't get it back. It's about understanding what JaSin (of Ur) has just shown you and being at peace with your choice of North and then North again, in your direction in life for lack of North & South (and what it could have offered you and your original marriage). Be a man, understand this and once you own this. Trust me, things will be better to a lesser degree sure - but better for it none the less.

I appreciate a nice $10,000 counselling fee for this advice.
Please contact my Secretary of whom I don't sleep with, even if my marriage is no more.  ;)

Now a word from our sponsor.
"Word". :D

You are in essence a man who needs more than one woman in your life regarding, sex/relationship.
Sadly for you - you now get nagged by two women.
Thems the breaks Dave.  ;D

aquascoot wrote on Jul 9^th, 2025 at 3:59pm:

Can I ask how you would describe your ex's current husband ?

I have never met him.

Daves2017 wrote on Jul 8^th, 2025 at 9:59pm:

So my x and I have started talking and texting after a family tragedy and it’s completely obvious to both of us the connection is special. I just thinking “ run away, run away “ but….. Dang, I love her. She’s  remarried, I’m remarried. It’s actually a terrible feeling. I’m not choosing nor do I want or expect either to compete! I don’t don’t have that backwards mentality! It’s just suddenly we are talking again and she’s actually really interesting. P.s shes ( x) is also on night shift in middle bum nowhere qld. P.ps my gut feeling is stopping communication now? Advice? P.ps it’s so nice to talk to her again 🙂‍↔️

Mate, its confusing, but maybe the attraction is that you are both unavailable, forbidden fruit and all that.  The issues that caused you to break up in the first place are probably still there and to try to get back what was not working previously will not only hurt you, but you current partners and families as well.

Best to leave it.

Sing along.

"I know what it's like to be loved and then forgotten.
But I've seen too many men driven insane by their distraction."

When a man finds a woman to love.
She takes half of his brain and he becomes a halfwit.
When a man finds another woman to love.
She takes the other half of his brain and becomes one of those brainless men who drive their car into a tree.

I'm not totally having a poke at your predicament Dave.
But you really shouldn't run in fear from your Ex.
But just emotionally forget her, even with that sentimental feeling you have when conversing. Let the Ring go Frodo.

Try listening to this song Dave - it’ll help

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRjWU5BdO-g

Ok - Don’t listen to that song 🎶 you’ll fall head over heels in love for her again lol … sorry

Let’s unpack a few things.

It sounds like you’re navigating a really complex and emotional situation with your ex, and I can feel how much this is weighing on you.

The fact that you’re reconnecting after a family tragedy and feeling that spark again is beautiful but also understandably messy, given you’re both remarried. Here’s some advice to help you sort through this:

1. Acknowledge the Feelings Without Judgment: It’s okay to feel that love and connection—it’s real and doesn’t mean you’re betraying anyone. Those feelings don’t erase the life you’ve built or the commitments you’ve made. Recognizing them for what they are (a mix of nostalgia, shared history, and genuine care) can help you process without spiraling into guilt.

2. Set Clear Boundaries: Since you’re both married, keeping things respectful is crucial. Enjoy the warmth of reconnecting, but maybe steer conversations away from anything too intimate or flirty. Stick to topics like shared memories, the tragedy you’re both processing, or neutral stuff like work. This can help preserve the connection without crossing lines that could hurt your current relationships.

3. Listen to Your Gut: You mentioned that instinct to “run away” and stop communication. That’s your inner compass talking, and it’s worth listening to. If continuing to talk feels like it’s pulling you into an emotional space that could complicate things, it might be wise to gently scale back. You don’t have to ghost her—just be honest in a kind way, like, “I’ve really loved catching up, but with everything going on, I think I need to focus on my family right now.”

4. Protect Both Marriages: You clearly don’t want to compete or disrupt anything, which is a solid mindset. Think about how ongoing communication might affect your spouse or hers, even if it feels innocent now. Transparency with your spouse (if appropriate) could prevent misunderstandings down the line. Maybe reflect on whether you’d be comfortable if your spouse were having similar conversations with an ex.

5. Channel the Energy Positively: The joy of talking to her again shows how much you value meaningful connections. Maybe you can take that warmth and pour it into your current relationship or other friendships. It could be a chance to strengthen bonds elsewhere while keeping this one in a safe, respectful place.

6. Consider the Context: She’s on night shift in remote Queensland, which might make her feel isolated and more open to reconnecting. The tragedy likely amplified emotions for both of you, making this connection feel extra intense. That doesn’t make it less real, but it might mean the timing and circumstances are amplifying things.

Next Steps:
- Pause and Reflect: Take a day or two to sit with your feelings. Write them down (like you’ve done before with other reflections) to get clarity on what you want from this connection.
- Gentle Distance: If your gut’s screaming to stop, try slowing the pace of texts or calls. You can stay kind and supportive without daily chats. For example, check in occasionally about how she’s coping with the tragedy, but avoid deep emotional dives.

- Talk to a Neutral Party: If you’re still torn, chatting with a trusted friend (or even a therapist) can help you untangle your emotions without judgment.

It’s awesome that you’re being so thoughtful about this, and it’s clear you care deeply about doing the right thing. You can cherish the connection without letting it pull you into a tough spot.

Let’s have a look at this in a biblical sense.

Exodus 20:14
 
“You shall not commit adultery.”

Exodus 20:17

“You shall not covet your neighbours wife”