I've decided to join Matty in New Zealand. This will be a marvellous opportunity for the both of us. Not only will we save on our electricity bills, but we'll try some great wines, have adventures, and get to know each other better.

We'll come back before the next election. Matty will be parachuted into a safe Liberal seat, we'll hit up a few soft touch Christian donors, and I'll manage the campaign.

Matty can promise to end abortion and bring back capital punishment - a tough pro-life campaign. Whatever it takes. We're already promising to stop the boats and end the carbon tax, so no one will notice if we don't get everything right. I'd like to get an animal welfare policy in there somewhere. They like that sort of thing up in Darwin - Ryde and Hornsby too. It depend where Matty goes.

Yes, next year will be our year. Who knows? We may not end the carbon tax, but at least our side will be in government.

Matty can see Indonesia from Darwin - we'll have to use that in the campaign, Matty. It means you're tough on terrorists and other boat people.

Thoughts?

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 1:53am:

Matty can promise to end abortion and bring back capital punishment

LOL

;D

What is your address in australia? Can i live in  your house while you are gone?

SOB

Sir Spot of Borg wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 6:16am:

What is your address in australia? Can i live in  your house while you are gone? SOB

I don't have a house, SOB, and Matty lives with his parents. It's an open marriage. Matty always gets what he wants.

In New Zealand, we'll share a cottage overlooking the sea. Matty wants to write - presumably about the carbon tax. Matty has always admired Mr Abbott's brief time at the Bulletin, and wants to build his profile before preselection. He wants to move to non-fiction.

Personally, I'd like to cook and just enjoy our time together. It will be a bit of a break. Our past year of politics has been so busy, not that I'd change it for the world. Building a profile, creating a political brand and running a campaign for preselection is no small task. The staffers have to be give jobs and followed up. The candidate has to be managed - every word he says has to be vetted, even the backroom deals and back scratching. You have to be on top of everything.

So I'm looking forward to a little peace and quiet before next year's election. Matty still needs to heal from the surgery, so it will give us some much needed "me" time. Believe me, as a politician, Matty spends so much time thinking about others - what do they think of his discrete makeup? Do they think his bottom bulges a little too much in slacks? Were they listening when he posted that he'll join the Greens if he doesn't get what he wants?

These concerns need to be managed on a daily basis, so I'm really looking forward to New Zealand, as is Matty. It's his first overseas trip, so we're really excited.

Woof Woof has been to China, and she's been so helpful with advice, even though it's a completely different country to New Zealand. I hope we can get the sort of food Matty likes there. I'm assuming they'll have hamburgers. It's a decent country, not like Asia.

So much to do! I must start packing. Don't worry, Matty and I will continue to post as usual.

Watch out for Earth Quakes

Do you mean real earthquakes, or literary ones?

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 2:30pm:

Do you mean real earthquakes, or literary ones?

New Zealand is getting them every day.

How often does matty get them?

SOB

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 2:30pm:

Do you mean real earthquakes, or literary ones?

Hakka induced earthquakes.

Trust you two to pike out >:(
It is obvious that Matty was never laying the political ground work or that YOU Colonel Karnal, never lined up the dancing girls, performance enhancing drugs or the beds in Bangkok.
It was all talk, well I've just spent 7 hours a day training on MW3, honing my physical and mental attitude to the task that I thought I signed up for.
Watch out cause me,life and Honky might just go for a little holiday in NZ

Wouldnt it be absolutely great if all the idiots decided to leave australia because they hate gillard? Wow!

Especially if they take tony with them.

With actual rational ppl left in australia maybe we can find a way to fix this system.

SOB

Look after Matty..he has been suffering from post traumatic stress from when he was in Afghanistan and spent time as a dancing boy for a group of randy warlords.
New Zealand will do him good as long as a group of randy Maoris from the Mongrel Mob don't get a hold of him.
He is quite a good looking young fella with smooth skin and a milky white complexion which has been his curse for most of his life.
I pray Abbott never conspires to have him banged up in prison because a sexy young fella like him wont last long in there.
Good luck in NZ Matty and Karnal and never let go of your proud Pakistani heritage

Dsmithy70 wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 2:46pm:

Trust you two to pike out >:( It is obvious that Matty was never laying the political ground work or that YOU Colonel Karnal, never lined up the dancing girls, performance enhancing drugs or the beds in Bangkok. It was all talk, well I've just spent 7 hours a day training on MW3, honing my physical and mental attitude to the task that I thought I signed up for. Watch out cause me,life and Honky might just go for a little holiday in NZ

Smithy, Matty is a political pragmatist. You have to be realistic about these things. In politics, this means being patient and taking baby steps.

First, we have to give ending the carbon tax a go. If we don't stop this, it will be all Labor and the Greens' fault. The same goes with stopping the boats.

But you have to admit, at least we will have given it a try.

Invading China is next on our agenda, but there are, of course, political considerations.

Matty is just a humble member of the Liberal Party. He has to obey the will of the caucus and the leader of the party. At present, Matty is behind Mr Abbott 100%. As for myself, I merely carry out Matty's orders.

If there are any threats of violence coming from you and your mob, you will find yourself subject to the full force of New Zealand law - after Matty records a you tube video outlining his last will and testament and goes on Today Tonight.

Sir Spot of Borg wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 2:50pm:

Wouldnt it be absolutely great if all the idiots decided to leave australia because they hate gillard? Wow! Especially if they take tony with them. With actual rational ppl left in australia maybe we can find a way to fix this system. SOB

We can but dream....... :P

Kat wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 3:37pm:

Sir Spot of Borg wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 2:50pm: Wouldnt it be absolutely great if all the idiots decided to leave australia because they hate gillard? Wow! Especially if they take tony with them. With actual rational ppl left in australia maybe we can find a way to fix this system. SOB We can but dream....... :P

I hope Mattty realises that the conservative NZ govt supports a price on carbon.

Kat wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 3:37pm:

Sir Spot of Borg wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 2:50pm: Wouldnt it be absolutely great if all the idiots decided to leave australia because they hate gillard? Wow! Especially if they take tony with them. With actual rational ppl left in australia maybe we can find a way to fix this system. SOB We can but dream....... :P

Are Gillard, Milne and Co included?

john_g wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 3:53pm:

Kat wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 3:37pm: Sir Spot of Borg wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 2:50pm: Wouldnt it be absolutely great if all the idiots decided to leave australia because they hate gillard? Wow! Especially if they take tony with them. With actual rational ppl left in australia maybe we can find a way to fix this system. SOB We can but dream....... :P Are Gillard, Milne and Co included?

It looks like the conservative govt in NZ agrees with Milne and Gillard and supports a price on carbon so they would do very well there.
Why is Abbott the odd one out?

lol

adelcrow wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 4:10pm:

john_g wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 3:53pm: Kat wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 3:37pm: Sir Spot of Borg wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 2:50pm: Wouldnt it be absolutely great if all the idiots decided to leave australia because they hate gillard? Wow! Especially if they take tony with them. With actual rational ppl left in australia maybe we can find a way to fix this system. SOB We can but dream....... :P Are Gillard, Milne and Co included? It looks like the conservative govt in NZ agrees with Milne and Gillard and supports a price on carbon so they would do very well there. Why is Abbott the odd one out?

Matty has a plan to bring this around  Why do you think we're going to New Zealand?

Matty has a plan for a regional mechanism for managing carbon emissions. He wants to organise a summit on raising carbon levels throughout the Asia Pacific region. Obviously, this will require an inter-governmental framework, but there is currently a receptive audience and a lot of goodwill.

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 5:12pm:

adelcrow wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 4:10pm: john_g wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 3:53pm: Kat wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 3:37pm: Sir Spot of Borg wrote on Jul 1st, 2012 at 2:50pm: Wouldnt it be absolutely great if all the idiots decided to leave australia because they hate gillard? Wow! Especially if they take tony with them. With actual rational ppl left in australia maybe we can find a way to fix this system. SOB We can but dream....... :P Are Gillard, Milne and Co included? It looks like the conservative govt in NZ agrees with Milne and Gillard and supports a price on carbon so they would do very well there. Why is Abbott the odd one out? Matty has a plan to bring this around  Why do you think we're going to New Zealand? Matty has a plan for a regional mechanism for managing carbon emissions. He wants to organise a summit on raising carbon levels throughout the Asia Pacific region. Obviously, this will require an inter-governmental framework, but there is currently a receptive audience and a lot of goodwill.

That's a good idea..plants love CO2 so the more you can pump into the atmosphere the better for the world food bowl.
Abbott should run for PM of NZ under a no action on carbon pollution platform..he could get rid of all the policies the conservative govt there has already implemented and is ruining the NZ economy and creating 55,000 reffos a year for this country to absorb.
Way to go Bro

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 1^st, 2012 at 1:53am:

I've decided to join Matty in New Zealand. This will be a marvellous opportunity for the both of us. Not only will we save on our electricity bills, but we'll try some great wines, have adventures, and get to know each other better. We'll come back before the next election. Matty will be parachuted into a safe Liberal seat, we'll hit up a few soft touch Christian donors, and I'll manage the campaign. Matty can promise to end abortion and bring back capital punishment - a tough pro-life campaign. Whatever it takes. We're already promising to stop the boats and end the carbon tax, so no one will notice if we don't get everything right. I'd like to get an animal welfare policy in there somewhere. They like that sort of thing up in Darwin - Ryde and Hornsby too. It depend where Matty goes. Yes, next year will be our year. Who knows? We may not end the carbon tax, but at least our side will be in government. Matty can see Indonesia from Darwin - we'll have to use that in the campaign, Matty. It means you're tough on terrorists and other boat people. Thoughts?

While you're there take Matty to a Hayley Westenra concert. She might even stare into Matty's eyes as she sings Pokarekare ana.

G*d bless you both and keep you safe.

Thanks, Salad. Does anyone know if they have a carbon tax in New Zealand?

I'll need to work out what we can buy.

Matty, I've worked out how we can get to New Zealand without paying the carbon tax - we can hire one of those Indonesian fishing boats.

Thoughts?

trouble - you're gonna need food, and the prices of the food you will purchase to subsist on during your boat journey will have been inflated due to the carbon tax.

Matty might just have to get his pole out and do a bit of fishing. I'm sure Karnal would give him a hand.

JC Denton wrote on Jul 2^nd, 2012 at 8:30pm:

trouble - you're gonna need food, and the prices of the food you will purchase to subsist on during your boat journey will have been inflated due to the carbon tax.

We could eat fish.

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 2^nd, 2012 at 8:37pm:

JC Denton wrote on Jul 2nd, 2012 at 8:30pm: trouble - you're gonna need food, and the prices of the food you will purchase to subsist on during your boat journey will have been inflated due to the carbon tax. We could eat fish.

Ask the bloke from Lavenders to donate some food.

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 2^nd, 2012 at 8:37pm:

JC Denton wrote on Jul 2nd, 2012 at 8:30pm: trouble - you're gonna need food, and the prices of the food you will purchase to subsist on during your boat journey will have been inflated due to the carbon tax. We could eat fish.

fishing rod inflation

Shane B wrote on Jul 2^nd, 2012 at 8:59pm:

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 2nd, 2012 at 8:37pm: JC Denton wrote on Jul 2nd, 2012 at 8:30pm: trouble - you're gonna need food, and the prices of the food you will purchase to subsist on during your boat journey will have been inflated due to the carbon tax. We could eat fish. Ask the bloke from Lavenders to donate some food.

Marvellous idea! I know he had a lovely salmon dish on the menu when he last spoke to Alan.

Matty and I might be able to get sponsored for a trans Tasman journey. We could donate our money to the carbon cause - a sort of fundraiser to help out the big carbon companies and thank them for their generous contribution to the environment.

Matty has no heart. I don't know how he can just pack up and walk away from Alan like that, after all he's done for Matty and you too Karnal.

Would you consider taking Alan with you? I believe they have nice public parks over there where you  could all enjoy the odd salmon and cucumber sandwich, on rye of course.

Poor Alan is about to lose 50% of his audience, shame on you matty.

Ex Dame Pansi wrote on Jul 3^rd, 2012 at 7:58am:

Matty has no heart. I don't know how he can just pack up and walk away from Alan like that, after all he's done for Matty and you too Karnal. Would you consider taking Alan with you? I believe they have nice public parks over there where you  could all enjoy the odd salmon and cucumber sandwich, on rye of course. Poor Alan is about to lose 50% of his audience, shame on you matty.

Absolute nonsense, Pansi. Alan has the most loyal audience in Australia/New Zealand. I saw them at the carbon rally in Sydney on Sunday. It was marvellous to see so many of our felllow Australians out in support of carbon.

Most were over 70, so won't be able to make the voyage to New Zealand.

After reading this topic i can see how the TOS only applies to some people and not others.

BlOoDy RiPpEr wrote on Jul 3^rd, 2012 at 9:31am:

After reading this topic i can see how the TOS only applies to some people and not others.

Exactly, Ripper. Matty and I fully support the TOS. Matty wants to add this to his comprehensive list of campaign policies.

Has anyone actually BEEN to New Zealand? Is it expensive? How much do they charge for beer, for example?

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 3^rd, 2012 at 10:54pm:

Has anyone actually BEEN to New Zealand? Is it expensive? How much do they charge for beer, for example?

It's too dear. Come to Thailand with aunty Pansi, cheap everything, besides I think you boys need some supervision.

I can't trust you to look after matty, not with all those sheep wandering around, you know what he's like.

Think about it.

Ex Dame Pansi wrote on Jul 4^th, 2012 at 6:19am:

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 3rd, 2012 at 10:54pm: Has anyone actually BEEN to New Zealand? Is it expensive? How much do they charge for beer, for example? It's too dear. Come to Thailand with aunty Pansi, cheap everything, besides I think you boys need some supervision. I can't trust you to look after matty, not with all those sheep wandering around, you know what he's like. Think about it.

You're right, Pansi. That's a marvellous idea. We'll be able to bring Corporal Karnal and make Smithy happy too.

He said he was going to bring his mates over to New Zealand to beat us up. Matty's had to record one of those Pauilne videos. 

Politics is all about compromise. If they don't repeal the carbon tax, Matty can always run for a Thai seat. I hear you can makea lot of money in Thai politics.

Matty wants at least $180,000.

Matty's arrival has already changed the course of NZ politics with the deferral of their ETS.

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 4^th, 2012 at 9:17am:

Ex Dame Pansi wrote on Jul 4th, 2012 at 6:19am: Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 3rd, 2012 at 10:54pm: Has anyone actually BEEN to New Zealand? Is it expensive? How much do they charge for beer, for example? It's too dear. Come to Thailand with aunty Pansi, cheap everything, besides I think you boys need some supervision. I can't trust you to look after matty, not with all those sheep wandering around, you know what he's like. Think about it. You're right, Pansi. That's a marvellous idea. We'll be able to bring Corporal Karnal and make Smithy happy too. He said he was going to bring his mates over to New Zealand to beat us up. Matty's had to record one of those Pauilne videos.  Politics is all about compromise. If they don't repeal the carbon tax, Matty can always run for a Thai seat. I hear you can makea lot of money in Thai politics. Matty wants at least $180,000.

LIES LIES LIES

There was no mention of violence I simply stated we'd come for a visit.

Now if your guilty conscience thinks you need a beating for the lies you have and are now telling, it might be time to have a good hard look at yourself son!

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 4^th, 2012 at 9:17am:

Ex Dame Pansi wrote on Jul 4th, 2012 at 6:19am: Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 3rd, 2012 at 10:54pm: Has anyone actually BEEN to New Zealand? Is it expensive? How much do they charge for beer, for example? It's too dear. Come to Thailand with aunty Pansi, cheap everything, besides I think you boys need some supervision. I can't trust you to look after matty, not with all those sheep wandering around, you know what he's like. Think about it. You're right, Pansi. That's a marvellous idea. We'll be able to bring Corporal Karnal and make Smithy happy too. He said he was going to bring his mates over to New Zealand to beat us up. Matty's had to record one of those Pauilne videos.  Politics is all about compromise. If they don't repeal the carbon tax, Matty can always run for a Thai seat. I hear you can makea lot of money in Thai politics. Matty wants at least $180,000.

I'm so glad you've decided against New Zealand, especially when I remember what you said, was it you or Pauline? doesn't matter anyway, about his embarrassing restaurant incident. He ordered lamb shanks and when they weren't cooked to his liking, he called the head chef over and proceeded to show him how to roast lamb shanks anally style. It turns out that was matty's great uncles recipe handed down through the years.

Matty will make more than that in Thailand, especially after he makes himself known to the Thai Royal family who will treat him like one of their own, they love the alabaster look.

Matty's talents will be a bonus for the good people of Thailand, there are no borders that prohibit his open mindedness and cultural embodiment.

Ex Dame Pansi wrote on Jul 4^th, 2012 at 10:23am:

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 4th, 2012 at 9:17am: Ex Dame Pansi wrote on Jul 4th, 2012 at 6:19am: Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 3rd, 2012 at 10:54pm: Has anyone actually BEEN to New Zealand? Is it expensive? How much do they charge for beer, for example? It's too dear. Come to Thailand with aunty Pansi, cheap everything, besides I think you boys need some supervision. I can't trust you to look after matty, not with all those sheep wandering around, you know what he's like. Think about it. You're right, Pansi. That's a marvellous idea. We'll be able to bring Corporal Karnal and make Smithy happy too. He said he was going to bring his mates over to New Zealand to beat us up. Matty's had to record one of those Pauilne videos.  Politics is all about compromise. If they don't repeal the carbon tax, Matty can always run for a Thai seat. I hear you can makea lot of money in Thai politics. Matty wants at least $180,000. I'm so glad you've decided against New Zealand, especially when I remember what you said, was it you or Pauline? doesn't matter anyway, about his embarrassing restaurant incident. He ordered lamb shanks and when they weren't cooked to his liking, he called the head chef over and proceeded to show him how to roast lamb shanks anally style. It turns out that was matty's great uncles recipe handed down through the years. Matty will make more than that in Thailand, especially after he makes himself known to the Thai Royal family who will treat him like one of their own, they love the alabaster look. Matty's talents will be a bonus for the good people of Thailand, there are no borders that prohibit his open mindedness and cultural embodiment.

Excellent. We'll book the boat to Thailand. Matty should get on well with the royals. He has always gotten what he wants, and has never had to try to hard for it either.

Anally-style lamb is definately the most delicious. I guess we'll need to ship this over from New Zealand.

Thoughts?

Dsmithy70 wrote on Jul 4^th, 2012 at 9:23am:

Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 4th, 2012 at 9:17am: Ex Dame Pansi wrote on Jul 4th, 2012 at 6:19am: Paki gob on a stick wrote on Jul 3rd, 2012 at 10:54pm: Has anyone actually BEEN to New Zealand? Is it expensive? How much do they charge for beer, for example? It's too dear. Come to Thailand with aunty Pansi, cheap everything, besides I think you boys need some supervision. I can't trust you to look after matty, not with all those sheep wandering around, you know what he's like. Think about it. You're right, Pansi. That's a marvellous idea. We'll be able to bring Corporal Karnal and make Smithy happy too. He said he was going to bring his mates over to New Zealand to beat us up. Matty's had to record one of those Pauilne videos.  Politics is all about compromise. If they don't repeal the carbon tax, Matty can always run for a Thai seat. I hear you can makea lot of money in Thai politics. Matty wants at least $180,000. LIES LIES LIES There was no mention of violence I simply stated we'd come for a visit. Now if your guilty conscience thinks you need a beating for the lies you have and are now telling, it might be time to have a good hard look at yourself son!

Sorry, Smithy, I must have misread your post. Mind you, it's given Matty a good story to take to Today Tonight.

Stick to Thailand..its hot, theres plenty to do and you'll meet more kiwis there than you will in NZ  :P

adelcrow wrote on Jul 4^th, 2012 at 5:15pm:

Stick to Thailand..its hot, theres plenty to do and you'll meet more kiwis there than you will in NZ  :P

Good point, but Matty seems to have his heart set on  New Zealand. He's ditching the specialist idea and is even talking about leaving politics altogether.

There will be a number of meetings about this announcement this morning in Canberra, let me tell you. I'm expecting a call from Mr Abbott's office any minute.

I still don't know what to say at the press conference. Matty doesn't have a young family. He doesn't have any physical health problems. The worst thing is it looks like he's fleeing the country before the election. What's our angle on this?