What purpose does it serve?


Its tough to go thru.

Has anyone been subject to emotional  blackmail and what do they (blackmailers)get out of it?

Yes Oceans - I was subject to emotional blackmail for years - my kids had it down to a fine art.

What they got out of it?  What they usually wanted at that particular moment.

mantra wrote on Jun 28^th, 2007 at 9:41pm:

Yes Oceans - I was subject to emotional blackmail for years - my kids had it down to a fine art. What they got out of it?  What they usually wanted at that particular moment.

yes it is a time honoured tool kids use.

and they know how to push our buttons and what makes us tick.

Ill find some info if I can on relationship emotional blackmail between partners..

It may be interesting for some.

Im beginning to think nearly every relationship has blackmail of some description..ie its normal.?

I think "emotional blackmail" is a very loaded term and very open to interpretation. It is also very much a matter of perspective.  If you mean that in most relationships both partners like the other partner to feel happy, - well I agree that that is true in good relationships but it has nothign to do with blackmail, just consideration and openness.

cautious connie wrote on Jun 29^th, 2007 at 7:03am:

I think "emotional blackmail" is a very loaded term and very open to interpretation. It is also very much a matter of perspective.  If you mean that in most relationships both partners like the other partner to feel happy, - well I agree that that is true in good relationships but it has nothign to do with blackmail, just consideration and openness.

connie..no I was not meaning emotional blackmail that makes the other partner happy.. that for me would not be a problem, Im actually referring to the kind where one partner, male or female or male uses the stautus in the relationship to extort, twist and control the other for their own reasons.

This can have a damaging effect on the partner being abused, left to wonder why she feels she or he is going crazy-why nothing makes sense..the feeling that 'I think this person loves me , but something feels wrong, because Im not happy with how he/she treats me'  After  a while victims begin to doubt theyre own abilities to make decisions and rely on their own decisions as being valid.

ok  i get what you mean now. I think that sometimes people do that to other people because they have been hurt in the past and in a way it is part of their working through that issue. I agree the partner on the receiving end needs a lot of strength, resilience and understanding in order that they maintain their esteem and the relationship grows. I think this is something you can as a couple grow away from as the trust in the relationship and each other grows.

Maybe other times people are really not loving you and amusing themselves for the sake of feeling in control or powerful.

yes, those on the receiving end end up thinking everything we do is wrong.
In essence, the blackmailer is telling us that for years, a low/bad self esteem follows.

Some women often deride and bad mouth their men in public. How openly is blackmail than that ?
You can guess my response when I hear that attitude.  They always back down when confronted directly.
it's so common, it is pretty much expected in some areas.

Sprintcyclist wrote on Jun 29^th, 2007 at 10:13am:

yes, those on the receiving end end up thinking everything we do is wrong. In essence, the blackmailer is telling us that for years, a low/bad self esteem follows. Some women often deride and bad mouth their men in public. How openly is blackmail than that ? You can guess my response when I hear that attitude.  They always back down when confronted directly. it's so common, it is pretty much expected in some areas.

yes, those on the receiving end end up thinking everything we do is wrong.
In essence, the blackmailer is telling us that for years, a low/bad self esteem follows.


Do you have any theories as to why emotoinal black mail is practiced Sprint..what do the blackmailers get from it?

cautious connie wrote on Jun 29^th, 2007 at 9:26am:

ok  i get what you mean now. I think that sometimes people do that to other people because they have been hurt in the past and in a way it is part of their working through that issue. I agree the partner on the receiving end needs a lot of strength, resilience and understanding in order that they maintain their esteem and the relationship grows. I think this is something you can as a couple grow away from as the trust in the relationship and each other grows. Maybe other times people are really not loving you and amusing themselves for the sake of feeling in control or powerful.

Maybe other times people are really not loving you and amusing themselves for the sake of feeling in control or powerful.

Im wondering why they would be wanting the power and control..what makes this control so important to them connie-

oceans, blackmailers want their way or to win.
Good people want the best way.

connie - blackmailers do not love. Love is about giving, not taking.

I disagree Sprint. Someone can hurt you reflexively as a response to their past experiences and because they are emotionally immature, and yet still love you. Once they realise they can trust you and you grow closer then they will do this less.

As to why some people just want power and control Oceans I think it varies. It can be because of low self-esteem, poor performance in the work place, a poor understanding of what it is to be a man, mental illness,  a restriction on acting out aggression elsewhere, drug abuse, hormonal imbalance...